The Introvert's Edge to Networking

A Step-by-Step Process to Creating Authentic Connections

Matthew Pollard, Derek Lewis

• Publisher: HarperCollins Leadership
• Year: 2021
• ISBN:
  9781400216697
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Sales
• Index: Business

One of the biggest myths that plagues the business world today is that our ability to network depends on having the "gift-of-gab." You don't have to be outgoing to be successful at networking. You don't have to become a relentless self-promoter. In fact, you don't have to act like an extrovert at all.

The truth is that when introverts are armed with a plan that lets them be their authentic selves, they make the best networkers.

Matthew Pollard, an introvert himself, draws on over a decade of research and real-world examples to provide an actionable blueprint for introverted networking. A sequel to Pollard's international bestseller The Introvert's Edge: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone, this book masterfully confronts the stigma around the so-called extroverted arena of networking.

In The Introvert's Edge to Networking, you'll discover how to:

• Overcome your fear and discomfort when networking
• Turn networking into a repeatable system
• Leverage your innate introverted strengths
• Target and connect with top influencers
• Leverage the power of virtual and social networking

The introvert's roadmap to success doesn't look like the extroverts, we're different and we should embrace that.

Whether you're a small business owner struggling to make a living or a professional who's hit a career plateau, The Introvert's Edge to Networking is your path to a higher income and a rolodex of powerful connections.

1

why introverts make better networkers

Failure is simply the opportunity to

begin again, this time more intelligently.

—HENRY FORD

You’d rather get a root canal than go to a networking event.

But you know you’re supposed to, right? Everyone says how important it is in landing that dream job, securing your next client, or connecting with a high-level contact who could launch you into the stratosphere. You know you should do it . . . but it’s just agony.

Then something happens. Maybe you hear about potential layoffs. Maybe you look up from your work and realize you don’t have any customers in the pipeline. Whatever the precipitating event, it takes something seriously scary enough to make that pain worthwhile, to get you out of your comfort zone and into the networking room.

So you decide that, yes, you have to go networking. You go online and find an upcoming event and say, “All right, I can do this.” You put it on your calendar. It hovers there for days. Part of you is freaking out: “No, I don’t want to go!” Then another part yells back, “You have to!”

There’s a feeling of dread as you park your car and reluctantly head into the event. As you walk into the room, your eyes desperately dart around for a familiar face; even though you’re trying to expand your network beyond the people you already know, it’s far less daunting than approaching a stranger. All the while, you’re thinking, “What if no one likes me? What if this is a complete waste of my time? What if I say the wrong thing?” It’s like the first day of school all over again.

Failing to see anyone you know, you muster your courage, take a deep breath, and approach the first person you see. Walking toward them, you feel your nervousness take hold. You shake hands and smile courteously. Then you go through the awkward song and dance of introducing yourself: “Hi, I’m Jane Smith. Oh, John Doe? Nice to meet you. What do you do?” You stand there, listening for an indicator that they are the person you’re looking for. You’re desperate for a new lead on a job (any job) or a new client (any client).

He responds with, “Nice to meet you, too, Jane. I sell insurance. I would love to talk to you about your insurance needs.”

Ugh. You didn’t come to talk about insurance! “Oh, I think I’m good on insurance, but thank you!” Now it’s awkward until John Doe asks what you do. “Thank you for asking. I’m a business coach/accountant/managed service provider.”

“Hmm, I already have a coach/accountant/managed service provider I’m happy with.”

That’s when you think, “Of course you do, so why did I come to this stupid thing in the first place?” Now what? Do you try to tell him why you are better? Try to hustle him away from the person he just said he’s happy with? You don’t want to feel like you’re shoving something down his throat. Perhaps you take the other path, somewhat desperately asking, “Do you know anybody else who might need a coach/accountant/managed service provider?”

John Doe says, “I can’t think of anyone off the top of my head, but I’ll keep my ear to the ground! In the meantime, can I give you my card in case you change your mind about your insurance needs?”

You don’t want his card, but you take it to be polite. You know he’s not going to change his mind either, and he wasn’t really who you wanted to connect with in the first place. But you hold out hope that, somehow, this encounter will magically turn into a lead.

What do you do now? You’ve both done the song and dance. You both realize there’s no reason to go any further with the conversation. Neither of you wants to look like you’re there only to hunt for your next lead—that would be rude. So you smile, one of you makes up an excuse about going to the bathroom or grabbing something to drink, and the other sighs in relief.

Then you have to do the same thing all over again.

Many networking books out there tell you to set a target, such as speaking to five people before you can go home. Perhaps you force yourself to go through the motions four more times. But, of course, those conversations are just like the first. You find yourself wondering, “Why do people say networking is important? I’ve just wasted half my day!”

After two hours of sheer torture, you go back to your office to lick your wounds and deposit the stack of business cards received, putting them with all the others you’ve collected over time—all the people you’re supposed to follow up with but never do. You probably can’t even remember what you spoke to them about. The only thing you know is that you didn’t connect with the people you needed to, so why even bother? You get back to work, already behind because you spent half the day networking.

I say “spent,” but the real word there is “wasted.” You’re no closer to a good business connection than you were yesterday. You’re actually worse off because you spent money on gas and the admittance fee, gave up your time, and severely drained your mental and emotional energy.

You rationalize that your failure is because you’re an introvert. After all, the extroverts you saw around the room looked like they were doing great. They must be locking down deals and promotions all the time. If only you could network like them.

But you believe that’s not possible for you.

So you convince yourself, at least for now, to endure.

Two or three months later, things take a turn for the worse. In desperation you think, “I have no choice; I need to go back and network.” You decide that, this time, you’ll do better. You go online and read some networking tips and strategies.

You try one or two of the tips, but networking is still as awkward, painful, and wasteful as before. The experts’ advice doesn’t make it any more bearable. To you, networking feels like trying to be someone you’re not. Sure, it’s easy for the extroverts, but networking makes you feel like an introverted square peg forced into an extroverted round hole. You feel sleazy and inauthentic, and you hate small talk! “I guess I just don’t have what it takes,” you tell yourself.

I’ve been there. For introverts like you and me, if we’re willing to push ourselves to do it at all, networking like this is torture. It’s not what we got into our chosen profession to do. We just wanted to earn a great living, doing work we love that revolves around our families and our lives—not spending our days, evenings, and even weekends fake-smiling and engaging in inauthentic, exhausting self-promotion.

HOW DID WE GET INTO THIS MESS?

In her groundbreaking book for introverts, Quiet, Susan Cain reminds us that in 1790, only 3 percent of Americans lived in cities. By 1840, it was 8 percent, and by 1930 it was a little more than a third.

In a sparsely populated rural area where everyone knew everyone else, your reputation was everything. As more and more people moved to the cities, however, those community networks became less and less relevant to daily life. As Cain notes, self-help books went from being about inner virtue to being heavily focused on outer charm.

At the same time, due to the Industrial Revolution, factories were producing more goods than their local markets could handle, so they sent salespeople throughout the country peddling their wares. Before this, sales usually happened within the local community. You knew the person you were buying from; merchants, dentists, and others couldn’t afford to be known as dishonest or manipulative.

Traveling salesmen didn’t need to worry about their reputations, as Harvard Business Review suggests in the article “Birth of the American Salesman.” They didn’t create meaningful relationships with anyone they met, because they were doing business with complete strangers. These salesmen had a short window of time to introduce themselves, get into the house, present the product, secure the sale, and quickly move on to the next house. They could afford to “churn and burn.” In fact, to meet their quotas, they thought they had to. Salespeople didn’t need to worry about selling inferior goods—or anything else for that matter—because in just a couple of days, they’d be off to the next town, doing it all over again.

What does this have to do with networking?

The same factors that led to a churn-and-burn mentality were re-created in the networking room, as more and more people moved from sparsely populated rural areas into densely populated cities. After all, even today, in many major cities, you’ll probably never again see the person you’re networking with.

It’s why networking, as most people do it today, feels more like door-to-door sales, walking from person to person with a focus on selling as much as possible, as quickly as possible. Creating a meaningful, lasting relationship comes in as a distant second, if at all. This standard approach is what I call “transactional networking.” Is it any surprise that it feels inauthentic and even sleazy?

Thankfully, there are those who reject this approach and who do want to create true connections. But they practice what I call “aimless networking.” While they may come from a more authentic place, their unstructured approach isn’t any more effective than transactional networking. It still results in a lot of small talk, shallow connections, and few successes.

No wonder introverts hate this type of networking so much—me included! This is the exact opposite of how we like to operate. If I had to participate in transactional networking, I couldn’t live with myself. If I were an aimless networker, I’d quickly see that it was a complete waste of time and stop networking altogether.

So, how can we compete with extroverts, who seem to have natural charisma, the gift of gab, and the ability to effortlessly form connections? How can we succeed at networking while feeling authentic?

I’m here to give you good news. Introverts can outperform their extroverted counterparts by realizing two truths:

1. The introvert’s road map to success doesn’t look like the extrovert’s. We’re different and we need to embrace that.
2. Traditional networking doesn’t work for introverts. We need a smarter approach that leverages our natural strengths.

For introverts, effective networking doesn’t look like traditional networking at all. In fact, what I’ve learned, experienced, and taught is that introverts have a natural edge when it comes to the way networking should really be done—not playing a numbers game and talking to as many people as possible but by being strategic, being prepared, practicing, and knowing how to cultivate deeper relationships with just a few of exactly the right people in the room.

In other words, by playing a totally different game.

This is timely because the old way of networking is quickly becoming obsolete. People can learn all about you, read reviews on the products you sell, see your personal affiliations, learn your employment history, and sometimes even check up on what you did last weekend, all from a phone they carry in their pocket. We’re returning to those days when everybody knew everybody—or at least living in a world where people can get a great synopsis, quickly. It’s almost impossible to be transactional and then return to obscurity. Transparency is becoming the norm, either by choice or necessity, for individuals as well as employers. Authenticity and inner virtue are back on the rise.

Finally.

STOP COPYING THE EXTROVERTS

Instead of trying to show you how to network like an extrovert, I want to show you how to sidestep that self-destructive behavior. I’ve discovered a way of networking that leverages our introverted strengths. It allows us to walk out of every room feeling like we’ve made powerful connections, portrayed the best version of ourselves, and remained authentically “us” the whole time.

Before we go any further, you should know that what I’m about to share with you will require a commitment of anywhere from several hours to a few days of planning, preparation, and practice. One thing I know about introverts, though, is that we’re willing to put in the work to obtain a consistently successful outcome, especially when the alternative is more lost time and energy while obtaining near-zero results.

The two types of networking we discussed earlier are not only wrong, but harmful. The transactional approach is purely about onetime deals. I’m sure you don’t think of yourself as a selfish person, but this type of networking is inherently self-centered. It’s like speed dating, quickly going through as many people as possible until you find someone who’ll give you a chance. Put another way, you’re trying to get through all the nobodies as quickly as you can until you can find someone you can use to get what you want. To make matters worse, everyone you’re speaking to knows this is what you’re doing! Sure, you might get a few sales or opportunities, but think about the last time someone behaved this way toward you. Didn’t it feel shallow and slimy? That’s not the taste I’d like to leave in anyone’s mouth, and it’s definitely not the path to a higher income and a supportive network.

Aimless networkers, on the other hand, generally walk out with a good feeling, having had some friendly conversations that, unfortunately, ultimately lead nowhere. They may have cultivated acquaintances, but they’ve created a network that has very little motivation to help them toward their goals. They drift through networking, hoping that, somehow, something good will come from their efforts. It’s like throwing quarters into a slot machine, hoping one day to win the jackpot.

However, there is a third type of networking, “strategic networking.” It’s a smarter and more effective style, one that introverts can dominate. Network strategically, and you will be rewarded with connections to people who value your work and who would love to help you reach your goals faster. It’s your ticket off the hamster wheel.

CHANGING THE BALANCE

I discovered strategic networking when I moved across the globe to Austin, Texas, where I didn’t know a soul except Br...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Dedication
• Contents
• Foreword By Jeb Blount
• 1. Why Introverts Make Better Networkers
• 2. Channeling Your Superpower
• 3. You Can’t Please Everyone
• 4. We All Tell Stories
• 5. Our Difference Defines Us
• 6. Speak to the Right People
• 7. What to Do In the Room
• 8. The Step Everyone Forgets
• 9. The Feedback Factory
• 10. The Digital Frontier
• Acknowledgments
• Index
• Bonus Your Exclusive Invitation
• About the Author