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- 96 pages
- English
- ePUB (mobile friendly)
- Available on iOS & Android
eBook - ePub
Godchild (NHB Modern Plays)
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About This Book
A sharp, dark comedy that explores the inescapable difference between feeling 19 and being 19.
Lou is getting on with her life, carefree and without ties. But this abruptly comes to a halt when her 19-year-old goddaughter Minnie moves in to take up a place at university. Minnie's arrival shines a harsh light into the corners of Lou's life ā revealing it to be not as it seems. Her relationships are complicated, her neighbours are closing in on her, and the clock is ticking. What does it mean to be a grown up?
Godchild premiered at the Hampstead Theatre in October 2013, directed by Michael Attenborough.
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One
The kitchen in LOUās flat.
LOU is standing preparing gin and tonics. MINNIE is sitting at the kitchen table on the phone leaving a message.
MINNIE. Hello, itās me, Iāve arrived safely, umm ā
LOU (shouting). Sheās here, sheās here!
MINNIE. Everythingās fine, umm, yes, Iām here! Soā¦
LOU (shouting). Iām plying her with gin! Hic! Chin chin!
MINNIE. Oh I left that washing, which is annoying, in the tumble dryer, but never mind, Iāll get it at the weekend, or you could post it maybe, not the knickers, / just the blue top, maybe, if ā
LOU. Iāve got knickers, you can have, do not worry, we have knickers, my darling child ā
MINNIE. Well whatever, if you can be bothered to send it, / but itās fine.
LOU (shouting, close to the phone, as she puts MINNIEās gin on the table in front of her). Donāt worry, she is in very safe hands, hic! (Laughing.)
MINNIE (suddenly very fast). Anyway itās all fine call you in the morning hope youāre okay love you bye! (Hangs up.)
LOU. Wahey! Youāre here!
MINNIE (big exaggerated, whole-body relief). I know! Oh my God!
LOU. My little Minnie Moo!
MINNIE laughs.
Minnie Moo with her blankie and her, what was it called, her, Doig Doig ā
MINNIE (laughing). Mr Dog Dog ā
LOU. Yes but you had to call it Doig Doig, āWhereās Mr Doig Doig?ā Every time you came to stay we had to have Doig Doig, you could have gone without food for a week but you had to have that, what was it, a rabbit?
MINNIE. It was a dog ā
LOU. You had to have Doig Doig, āWhereās Doig Doig?ā, every five bloody minutes. I remember it so well. So sweeeet! Youāre here my beautiful girl, cheers, to you. (Calls out.) Andy! Weāre doing cheers to Minnie! What the hell is he doing? Weāre doing the cheers and heās missing it! All the more gin for us. Itās so exciting! Are you nervous? I remember my first day at university so well, I was shitting myself, are you shitting yourself? You absolutely donāt need to be, honestly, Min, I am absolutely not bullshitting you ā
ANDY enters.
Am I, Andy? It is so fun, honestly, all my memories of university are just loads and loads of fun.
MINNIE. I feel really nervous ā
LOU. No. No, Minnie, stop that. Listen to me now. You have nothing to be nervous about. Everyone will love you as soon as they see you, of course they will. You are so gorgeous. Isnāt she, Andy? And clever.
ANDY. Of course sheās nervous ā
LOU. Your drinkās on the side. Yes but what Iām saying is thereās no reason to be though. Because everyone is. And, everyone is so worried about how they are coming across that they wonāt have time, or energy to judge you or think anything about you at all in fact, thereby leaving you to be absolutely yourself. I mean it, Minnie, now is the time. You are liberated from the awful teenage years, now, itās now. Total liberation from that hell.
MINNIE. Aaah, thanks, Louise ā
LOU. Believe me, lovely girl, you have arrived at the best bit, hasnāt she, Andy?
ANDY. Who knows? Maybe.
LOU. I am so jealous! I am! Oh my God, when I think back to all the fun you are about to have! Minnie Moo!
MINNIE. Aaah, thank you. Cheers! And Andy as well. Thanks so much for letting me stay here.
LOU (raising her hand, staccato). Ach. No.
MINNIE. Itās so kind of you ā
LOU. Ach! Talk to the hand cos the face aināt listening.
Everything here is yours, there will be really big trouble if you donāt treat this flat like your absolute home, I mean it, Minnie, there is nothing to thank me for. This is your home. Weāre flatmates! Itās going to be so nice for me, I have been looking forward to it so much, having girly chats when I get in from work, and, and doing face packs and stuff. Now. I am not going to bother you with any of this now, but, we do have to schedule in a time to go through all the things you need to know, all the boring stuff ā(Does big bored action.) bor-ing, I know, but weāll do it quickly, over a gin! More gin! Come on, get it down you!
MINNIE. Oh yes!
LOU (gets up and prepares more gins). You know, the back-door key, how that all works, the bin. The handle on the freezer door, thatās jammed, you have to use this spoon to wrench it, itās fine, itās fine, Iām going to get it fixed anyway. Soon. You know, some other stuff, like the shower and the heating, itās on a timer thing, you have to slide it to the right if you want, oh Iāll tell you when weāre doing it, itās totally self-explanatory when you see it, all the grown-up boring bits, weāll go through it all another time when we can bear it. (Opens and closes the freezer door with the spoon.) You see, itās totally easy, can you see how Iām doing that?
MINNIE looks, and nods.
Hurray! One thing off the list! Donāt worry about it, weāll set a time and go through it all. Very fast. So we donāt lose the will to fucking liveā¦ (A moment. She has said a bad thing. Recovers.) When all me and you want to do is chat and drink gin! (Hands her a gin.) Donāt we? Minnie Mooās all grown up now and we can be proper mates! To you! (Clinks her glass.)
MINNIE. To you.
LOU. To you, embarking on the happiest years of your life, oh my God, I canāt wait for you to see how great itās going to be!
There is a small silence.
ANDY opens and closes the freezer do...
Table of contents
- Cover
- Title Page
- Contents
- Original Production
- Dedication
- Characters
- Godchild
- About the Author
- Copyright and Performing Rights Information