Jumpers for Goalposts (NHB Modern Plays)
eBook - ePub

Jumpers for Goalposts (NHB Modern Plays)

  1. 96 pages
  2. English
  3. ePUB (mobile friendly)
  4. Available on iOS & Android
eBook - ePub

Jumpers for Goalposts (NHB Modern Plays)

Book details
Book preview
Table of contents
Citations

About This Book

A hilarious and heart-warming comedy about football, friendship and finding your way.

Luke wants Danny, but Danny's got a secret. Joe's happy in goal but Geoff wants a headline gig. Viv just wants to beat the lesbians to the league title. Game on.

Jumpers for Goalposts premiered at Watford Palace Theatre in April 2013, before touring the UK.

This volume now includes Tom Wells' short play Jonesy, the underdog story of an asthmatic teen who dreams of making a name for himself as a 'Netball Maverick' and earning the respect of the lads from GE PE.

'The delicate balance between humour and pathos is seldom achieved with such deftness... a stunning piece of writing - fresh, funny, painful, engaging' The Stage

'Finds extraordinary beauty in the ordinary lives of its characters' Financial Times

Frequently asked questions

Simply head over to the account section in settings and click on “Cancel Subscription” - it’s as simple as that. After you cancel, your membership will stay active for the remainder of the time you’ve paid for. Learn more here.
At the moment all of our mobile-responsive ePub books are available to download via the app. Most of our PDFs are also available to download and we're working on making the final remaining ones downloadable now. Learn more here.
Both plans give you full access to the library and all of Perlego’s features. The only differences are the price and subscription period: With the annual plan you’ll save around 30% compared to 12 months on the monthly plan.
We are an online textbook subscription service, where you can get access to an entire online library for less than the price of a single book per month. With over 1 million books across 1000+ topics, we’ve got you covered! Learn more here.
Look out for the read-aloud symbol on your next book to see if you can listen to it. The read-aloud tool reads text aloud for you, highlighting the text as it is being read. You can pause it, speed it up and slow it down. Learn more here.
Yes, you can access Jumpers for Goalposts (NHB Modern Plays) by Tom Wells in PDF and/or ePUB format, as well as other popular books in Literature & Drama. We have over one million books available in our catalogue for you to explore.

Information

Publisher
Nick Hern Books
Year
2013
ISBN
9781780012285
Topic
Literature
Subtopic
Drama
Index
Literature
Week One
VOICE ON RADIO. Man City, 2 – Tranny United, 1. Lesbian Rovers, 5 – Barely Athletic, 0.
A changing room in Hull. A bit scruffy. Benches and graffiti. A bin. Some narrow windows high up on the back wall.
Showers are through a doorway, offstage.
JOE , DANNY and LUKE are sitting down, looking a bit knackered. VIV is fuming.
Throughout the scene, everyone apart from LUKE gets changed out of kit, into clothes. LUKE just puts more clothes on.
GEOFF moonwalks on.
VIV glares. GEOFF stops.
VIV. You haven’t earned that moonwalk, Beardy, and, deep down, I think you know it.
JOE. Bit harsh, Viv.
VIV. Oh is it? Very good.
JOE. He did score.
VIV. For the wrong team, Joe. The wrong fucking –
GEOFF. Still a goal.
VIV. Yes, a goal that plunged us from a respectable four-nil defeat where people go ‘never mind, Viv, we all have an off-day’, to a humiliating five-nil defeat where people actually take you to one side and go: ‘Viv, have you considered badminton?’
DANNY. Have you considered badminton?
VIV. Shameful. It is.
But that, that right, that is just a drop in the ocean of of of, incompetence on display by you lot today. All of you. Including me.
VIV rummages in her bag for a notepad.
I’ve made notes.
VIV picks up a football.
Right, Luke. What’s this?
VIV points at the football.
LUKE. Sorry?
VIV. This. What is it?
LUKE. Um. Football?
VIV gives him the football.
VIV. I’ll let that sink in.
LUKE looks at the football.
DANNY. Viv.
LUKE. No it’s. Good isn’t it? Start with the, the basics.
VIV. Joe love. I know your life’s a steaming pile of shit at the moment, properly shit and it will be for, for a while and, this probably isn’t your top priority but, thing is: you do need to work on your fitness. We’ll go jogging. We’ll start tomorrow.
JOE. Maybe.
VIV. Good. Two things, Danny: one: you’re always playing football, I remember you being really good at it. You’re not, you’re shit. What’s happened? Two: thought you’re doing a course. Coaching and that.
DANNY. I am.
VIV. Where’s the fucking, coaching then? Guidance.
DANNY. Just think there’s a, a time and a –
VIV. The time is now. No point getting all your qualifications and that, bits of paper then standing there like a fucking, ornament. Garden gnome. You’re an athlete, Danny. Behave like one.
DANNY. I did say I was shit in goal.
VIV. Not that shit.
Right. Beardy.
GEOFF. Here we go.
VIV. The fuck is that on your head?
GEOFF. It’s a hat, Viv.
VIV. Don’t think it belongs on a football pitch really, do you?
GEOFF. My lucky hat.
VIV. Not that lucky.
GEOFF. I did score.
VIV. For the wrong team.
GEOFF. Alright, no need to. I just. My sort of, isn’t it? My thing.
VIV. Rest of us manage without a thing.
GEOFF. Rest of us manage without a bra, Viv. Not saying you should.
VIV. My bra’s not dangerous. That –
GEOFF. It’s wool.
VIV. Saw them, Geoff. Saw them yanking your tassels.
GEOFF. Only flirting.
VIV. Not flirting that’s bloody, garotting.
GEOFF. Don’t see why you’re so fussed.
VIV. Cos it looks like you’re not taking it seriously. The team.
GEOFF. I’m not taking it seriously.
JOE. Geoff.
GEOFF. Well, I’m not. Meant to be a laugh isn’t it? I thought? Sort of, comedy team names – w...

Table of contents

  1. Cover
  2. Original Production
  3. Characters
  4. Jumpers for Goalposts
  5. Jonesy