The Girlfriend Experience (NHB Modern Plays)

Alecky Blythe

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2014
• ISBN:
  9781780013282
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: Drama
• Index: Literature

A true-life play about friendship, heartbreak and business enterprise... in a seaside brothel.

Tessa has set up a business: a brothel where mature women specialise in offering the 'Girlfriend Experience', a surprisingly caring and sympathetic service.

As the women stoically strive to make a living in a competitive market, their personal lives start to crumble. Will they ever have loving relationships outside work and enjoy being girlfriends themselves?

The Girlfriend Experience continues the verbatim-theatre technique Alecky Blythe developed in Come Out Eli and Cruising. The play is created entirely from conversations recorded inside an actual brothel, edited and replicated on stage in all their uncanny verisimilitude.

'funny, touching and absolutely filthy... a hugely entertaining eye-opener of a show' - Telegraph

'poignant, sometimes disturbing, often riotously funny' - The Times

'These women aren't patronised or made into gargoyles: their sentences are gorgeous. They simply reveal their lives. What more could you want from the theatre?' - Observer

ACT ONE

Prologue – Technique

ALECKY (voice-over). I feel like I should explain – what I'm doing with m-microphones an’ stuff like that – / just so that you know –

TESSA. Mmm – We did sort of / – a bit.

POPPY. Yeah –

Beat.

ALECKY (voice-over). Um (Beat.) – I, um (Beat.) – I kindof make (Beat.) – um (Beat.) – they're sortof documentary plays. (Pause.) But – I don't – film anything (Beat.) – I just record – hours and hours of-of – audio. (Pause.) Um (Beat.) – and I – edit it (Beat.) – and then, um (Beat.) – those (Beat.) – so (Beat.) – people's real words your real words – then become the words that the actors speak in the play – and they, they – hear – your voice – speaking – through earphones – and then they copy – exactly your intonation, accent – I'll describe – y'know – one was sat here, one was sat here, and whatever.

POPPY. Yeah.

ALECKY (voice-over). And it's – it's a really weird, kindof very true – obviously so so true to life, kindof thing –

TESSA. So you ’ave to be careful what you say –

They laugh.

Scene One – Happy Hookers

Mid-morning, 5th October 2006. SUZIE enters from the front door. TESSA is busy clearing away laundry that is sprawled over the backs of chairs.

SUZIE. Wow, this looks good. / (Pause.) This looks good – looks lovely.

TESSA. Oh God. I'm gettin’ there.

SUZIE. You been busy girly.

TESSA. Oh I try to be –

SUZIE. I got pressie.

Pause. TESSA unwraps two pale pink candles in glass candleholders.

TESSA. Ooh, good. (Pause.) Um – ooh, very nice (Beat.) – and, um (Beat.) – ooh, extra extra nice – I like –

SUZIE. One for each room.

TESSA. Thank you.

SUZIE. No it looks nice / (Beat.) – that green looks really nice.

TESSA. Do you like it? – It dint get done.

Pause.

SUZIE. Isn't it – gorgeous (Beat.) – Isn't it – I mean (Beat.) – Tessa has, um (Pause.) – sh, well she set all this out cuz it was all unfurnished when she came (Beat.) – and she's done all this, done all the decorating, got all the furniture in –

Beat.

TESSA. But the – the Chesterfield's s'posed to be coming. (Pause.) ’E's late with them.

SUZIE. An’ I'll, um (Beat.) – I'll put these in the room.

TESSA. Okay.

SUZIE. I need to take the plastic bit off is that all right – is that all right? / D'you like that?

TESSA. That's love-ly.

SUZIE. Oh, you've changed round in here –

TESSA. Yeah.

SUZIE. Oh fantast – oh that's better –

TESSA. Yeah s'a bit bigger, isn't it?

SUZIE. That's better.

TESSA. I thought I could try a / (Beat.) – I've got to clean outside.

SUZIE. Put those where you want.

Pause.

That is much better. (Pause.) Oh, it d- makes the room look a lot bigger –

TESSA. Doesn't – doesn't it.

SUZIE. I need to have to take some more pictures now you've changed the room around.

TESSA. Yeah.

SUZIE. It's c- although nobody actually lives here – it's to make it feel homely –

TESSA. Yeah – / they like it homely –

SUZIE. An’ – an’ it's like – you're not – although a guy may only come here – for – like, a twen'y-minute hand job (Beat.) – he still gets the same atmosphere – and ambience – that everybody else has.

A phone rings.

TESSA (to audience). If anybody asks, you're the lady who does the phones, okay?

SUZIE. Jus’ say – jus’ say you're the maid.

Pause.

Tessa's done so well – I mean, there was nothing here. (Beat.) She rents it privately – so the guy just thinks that she lives here. (Beat.) So (Beat.) – it's – it's (Beat.) – I mean people are here every day. (Beat.) It's lived in, during the day, just not slept in overnight, normally – so – (Pause.) It's just so welcoming (Beat.) – it's lovely –

TESSA. I love nineteen-thirties, I love Art Deco, I'm very old-fashioned, I'm I'm sorry I am / I'm not modern –

SUZIE. Nah s'lovely / (Beat.) – it's homely –

TESSA. – these are far too modern –

SUZIE. Extra bits you've got look really nice –

TESSA. Well, this is it. (Beat.) This (Beat.) – I picked up from the Sally Army / (Beat.) – and, I'm –

SUZIE. I like that.

TESSA. – I'm gonna paint it white (Beat.) – and I've got some paper, Melrose, that matches / (Beat.) – I'll – in there –

SUZIE. I'll put – through there. (Pause.) – / That'll be nice – it'll be like a dressing room in here.

TESSA. Isn't it? (Beat.) – Isn't it (Beat.) – isn't it? So (Beat.) – an’ then get a li'le table an’ I got another chair –

Pause.

D'ya like that?

She points to a glass lampshade above.

SUZIE. That's lovely I was lookin’ at / that earlier.

TESSA. It's – glass (Beat.) – it's / (Beat.) – I thought it was plastic.

SUZIE. ’Ow'd you get it up there? – ’Ow'd you get it up there?

TESSA. Uuuuhhhh (Beat.) – with great difficulty.

SUZIE. Oh.

TESSA. I've got another one to go in the kitchen. (Beat.) – / Guess how much –

SUZIE. You've done loads – you've done / loads, here –

TESSA. – Guess how much (Beat.) – a gl-...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Contents
• Introduction
• Original Production
• Characters
• Setting and Notes
• Act One
• Act Two
• About the Author
• Copyright and Performing Rights Information