Prologue
LAURA. Hello.
Merry Christmas.
My grandmother always told me that if I was a good girl Father Christmas would come.
My grandfather told me she was lying.
I thought it was safer to be a good girl â in case she wasnât. Lying.
I told her I was a good girl.
She asked me what I thought a good girl was.
And I just laughed.
She liked that.
Did I say already Merry Christmas?
I donât believe in Father Christmas any more.
I stopped believing â well, I wonât tell you whenâŚ
This is â
This is the story of my town.
This is the story of good men â and women â good â people.
This is the story of my year in politics.
ACT ONE
Scene One
Itâs night. MARKâs flat. Which is a nice-enough flat.
MARK. The council is required to have ÂŁ64 million of savings by 2017.
This year this means losing ÂŁ22 million from our projected budget.
Now this is all to be expected, we live in an age of cuts after all. Cost savings have been a priority for this Council for the last few years and the main focus of our activity. But that means the cost savings are no longer something weâre afraid of â we intend to attack this head-on. This Council is one that isnât afraid to make the hard decisions. Hard and right.
He makes a face to himself.
This Council is one that isnât afraid to make the hard decisions. As long as theyâre also the right decisions. Weâre currently re-examining every single cost â every single entry on our books to find where the savings can come with the least damage to front-line services.
Thank you â any questions.
JULIE. I donât understand â in an age of cuts â I thought austerity measures were largely being phased out now â that Britain is booming.
MARK. I canât speak for the country â I can speak for this Council. And I can tell you that in this part of the world â weâre not booming â and the Government changes I already outlined have meant â austerity remains more or less entirely our focus.
JULIE. But if it has â been your focus â Councillor â then why werenât these cuts better anticipated? Why do you need to re-examine anything? Surely you should have decided months â years ago â where the axe must fall?
MARK. They were â anticipated â anticipated? Anticipated, but not quite at this level.
We previously projected our cuts at ÂŁ14.1 million. But Government cuts in the Early Intervention Grant used to fund early-years services and the Governmentâs intention to create a contingency fund from our pot â to cover possible future deficits have created what we believe to be approximately ÂŁ7.9 million in additional savings. Taking us to ÂŁ22 million. ÂŁ22 million we need to save. Is that? Did I just sound really proud of myself for doing some mental arithmetic?
JULIE. Itâs fine. Smile.
MARK smiles.
Okay. On to specific areas, after three years of cuts itâs likely youâre going to have to hunt quite hard for these savings⌠Where are these spending cuts likely to hit?
MARK. Our aim is to make them as painless as possible. To make efficiency savings rather than cut services, but undoubtedly hard decisions will have to be madeâŚ
JULIE. Will for instance rubbish collectionâŚ
MARK. I could go through your list with you â but the truth is, key decisions have yet to be made. All I can say is that these decisions will be taken with the utmost care and⌠Iâm fucking this up, arenât I?
JULIE. Fundamentally, why, in a time â
MARK. I shouldnât have interrupted youâŚ
JULIE. Interruptions are fine.
Deputy Leader, surely you can give us some indication on where the cuts will fallâŚ
MARK. The Government cuts and the resultant budgetary savings â
JULIE. Breathe.
MARK. The Government cuts and the â
JULIE. Honestly, Mark, breatheâŚ
MARK. The Government cuts â breathe â and the resultant budget â breathe â ary â savings â breathe â
JULIE. Now youâre sounding like Malcolm Rifkind.
MARK. â are going to fall harder on us than anyone else. I canât lie to you about that. Weâre a working-class town, and the sectors which have kept us in employment are both in long-term decline and have yet to emerge from their short-term dip, and so our dependence on central government support has bitten us harder than it might of other more affluent towns.
JULIE. Thatâs good. Thatâs great.
MARK. But our weaknesses are also our strengths.
As a working-class town weâre not afraid⌠Am I just repeating myself?
JULIE. Youâre doing fine. Repeating yourself is good.
MARK. It feels like Iâm talking utter bollocks.
JULIE. The working-class thing. Not being afraid. It was nice.
MARK. You sure?
JULIE. Start again.
From the beginning. Councillor, how does it feel to be presiding over the worst cuts in the history of this town? Cuts that just seem to continue on year after year?
MARK. The Council is required to have £64 million of savings by 2017. This year this means losing £22 million from our projected budget. We live in the age of cuts. To ignore the cuts is to ignore⌠What did I say�
JULIE. You shouldnât know this all by rote. Itâs good to varyâŚ
MARK. We live in the age of cuts.
Shit.
We live in an age of cuts.
JULIE. We live in an age of cunts.
MARK. We live in an age of cunts. To ignore the cunts is to ignore reality.
JULIE. Itâs nice. It works.
MARK. We live in the age of cutting cunts. To cut a cunt you just insert your knife and pull.
JULIE looks at MARK.
Too much?
JULIE. Vaginal mutilation might not go down so well with the womenâs vote.
MARK. No.
JULIE. Oh, and your flies are open.
MARK. This sodding suit. It just does it. Automatically.
JULIE. Your flies just open⌠automaticallyâŚ
MARK. Yes.
JULIE. Automatically?
MARK. Yes. Yes. Should I â do we do it again?
They look at each other a moment more.
I do think â I do think this is going to be a shit time â and I have a truly shit job â but I do think we can be the â I do think we can make the best of it better than anyone else can.
JULIE. And thatâs why itâs worth doing the shit job? You should say that.
MARK. I mean that.