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eBook - ePub
Boys and Girls (NHB Modern Plays)
Dylan Coburn Gray
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- 40 pages
- English
- ePUB (mobile friendly)
- Available on iOS & Android
eBook - ePub
Boys and Girls (NHB Modern Plays)
Dylan Coburn Gray
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Table of contents
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About This Book
A play in verse following four young people across one night in Dublin.
Dylan Coburn Gray's play Boys and Girls was first performed at Dublin Fringe Festival in 2013, winning the Fishamble Best New Writing Award. It was also nominated for the Stewart Parker Trust Award.
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A. Manās best friend: Google Chrome Incognito.
Nothing sweeter than a guaranteed pornless history, my dick the victor who writes it and it writes mysteries. Youāll never know what went down ā oh ho ā and fuck now Iām thinking about Agatha Christie. Instant boner-kill.
Spankwire, thank you, welcome distraction. Get some gentle action going, up and down and up and down to the bottom of the page where it says hey, April OāNeill? Good choice, weāre feeling that, but yer outta luck bub. Two vids, both old, try Pornhub.
A pop-up offers a top-up on my penis, quick! Hop up on the table and shazoom! Ladies canāt resist your misterās va-va-voom. Theyāll jump for that Topman-chinos-lump when they spy with an admiring little eye a gee-busting hump-snake like a lesser manās thigh. Swoon. Mr Tackle is knee-deep in poon.
Maybe not, thanks. Happy with what I got, thanks. No illusions, me, about being ā (Exaggeratedly masculine voice.) a virile Rambo what shot tanks in some war. Nah, Iām a weedy cunt from Dublin 4, gifted only with a mortally offensive tongue and not the type to finish fights the barbed fuckerās begun.
Finish up with my modest manbits. Filthiest of habits, or healthy self-love-affair? Best not ask my socks. Dress with considerable care because my lack of muscle notwithstanding my branding does what hustle does for hunks. I present an uncompromising cynicism to the world, ciggy in hand, smoke rising, two fingers unfurled. Girls are intrigued, flattered by small attentions: the simple lack of the typical verbal batterings means they might be in my league. In there like swimwear. Yes, itās a play on insecurity; yes, treat āem mean keep āem keen; but my ability to get a hand up a dress at Alchemy is unmatched by the virtuous. True loveās path ever did run tortuous, hatcheted through briars or hazarded with liars or both. Quoth this maven: the fires of passion will swallow you whole. Safer to safeguard the olā ticker and just get yer ā if you follow ā hole.
Unless itās ā well. Fucking hell, the merest mention of my dearest Laura cranks the fucking tension for me because sheās a sight for sore eyes at the worst of times and at her best sheās a burst of pure ā Jesus, yeah. If love is a sure and willful self-abnegation, Lauraās a sexy form of zen meditation: inducing intimations of the transcendent in men when she smiles. Her lines are fine enough for double-takes, often double-taken for a model and whoās to say youāre mistaken? She could would should be. So itās easy to think sheās beautiful because sheās blonde, thin, shape of a violin to fucking boot. Blah blah blah, dutifully capitulating to what society deems attractive, that shitās just haters hating, argument from those lacking the lack that Lauraās rack alone is lacking. Need a minute for that one? Iāll spend it in contemplation, because that lackless rack is crack-a-lacking.
Am I coming across laddish, big baddish wolf hoping to eat her? In touch with my inner neanderthal, my soul wears a wifebeater? (Exaggeratedly masculine voice.) Equal rights equal fights, chance of jobs is chance of no jobs, end of the day what theyāre for is making sandwiches and blowjobs? Yeah. Unashamed. Got my Misogyny Club memberās card laminated and framed. Find my humour distasteful, crass, dated? I find it wasteful when your mouth moves and my penis remains unfellated. I crack me up.
Unless youāre Laura, of course, for whom Iād turn chivalrous. Come out of the castle to nearest and dearest and mount up a white horse headed due timorous, servile, mannered. Iād fly the banner for niceness and resultant identity crisis be damned.
(The gag is heās gay, only instead of being gay heās a shithead.)
But son, we thought your deal wasā¦ misanthropy.
Thereās no easy answer here; I thought so too.
Have you tried justā¦ not being nice?
All my life, but something was missing.
Namely: Lauraās hugging and kissing. And Iād settle for less. Iād respect the shit out of her, and weād both stay dressed. Iād admire her intellect all night long, talk Dylan songs, put string quartets on. Drink a nice wine till she begged for mercy, maybe watch a romcom sans excessive cursing. The finer things for this fine china lady, and my real Slim Shady wouldnāt dream of standing up. Nothing so abruptly sexual for Laura, for I adore her without expectation or exception, nothing so uncouth. For her if no one else Iām full of ruth, not ruthless, and whoās to know itās all a truthless evil faƧade? So sociopathic deception feels a bit bad, I admit, but not as tragically shit as I feel now. Havenāt seen her in weeks and you could literally plough with the hard-on Iām harbouring.
I think Iām incapable of love. But itās mistakeable for a certain kind of hopeless attraction? A perseverance in the face of a dearth of action, well known to the dicks with Dax on their hair who like Laura but not like I do. I view their antics with amusement, because itās not clear whoās meant to be chasing who. Coiffed and toned they may be, but able theyāre not for the finely honed madness for the sake of laughs of my slick surreal baby. On a dance floor she stands on their feet and yells blue murder. BLEGH. Itās fuckinā scary, and their advances generally donāt advance much further.
Though Iāve got it too. Fucking state of me. Unrepelled by my beautiful mate and no more in her bonkers glory, I mean I know all too ...
Table of contents
- Cover
- Title page
- Contents
- Introduction
- Acknowledgements
- Original Production
- Characters
- Boys and Girls
- About the Author
- Copyright and Performing Rights Information
Citation styles for Boys and Girls (NHB Modern Plays)
APA 6 Citation
Gray, D. C. (2016). Boys and Girls (NHB Modern Plays) ([edition unavailable]). Nick Hern Books. Retrieved from https://www.perlego.com/book/1421064/boys-and-girls-nhb-modern-plays-pdf (Original work published 2016)
Chicago Citation
Gray, Dylan Coburn. (2016) 2016. Boys and Girls (NHB Modern Plays). [Edition unavailable]. Nick Hern Books. https://www.perlego.com/book/1421064/boys-and-girls-nhb-modern-plays-pdf.
Harvard Citation
Gray, D. C. (2016) Boys and Girls (NHB Modern Plays). [edition unavailable]. Nick Hern Books. Available at: https://www.perlego.com/book/1421064/boys-and-girls-nhb-modern-plays-pdf (Accessed: 14 October 2022).
MLA 7 Citation
Gray, Dylan Coburn. Boys and Girls (NHB Modern Plays). [edition unavailable]. Nick Hern Books, 2016. Web. 14 Oct. 2022.