Something Awful (NHB Modern Plays)

Tatty Hennessy

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2020
• ISBN:
  9781788503167
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

Something Awful by Tatty Hennessy is a thrilling play inspired by the true-crime story of the Slenderman. Soph and her best friend Jel love scary stories and hunt for the best online. But then new girl Ellie turns up at school with one of her own.

Something Awful was first staged at VAULT Festival, London, in 2020, and was selected for publication in Plays from VAULT 5, an anthology of five of the best plays from the festival, published by Nick Hern Books.

Prologue

SOPH and JEL are at the computer. SOPH is telling a story, JEL’s eyes are glued to the screen.

SOPH. I was walking home from a late class one evening. It was autumn, not really cold yet, a chill in the air, but not too bad. The streets were totally empty. I had my earphones in listening to my favourite song. And then I looked up and –

Ahead of me there was a woman. Standing in the pool of light from a lamp-post. She definitely hadn’t been up ahead of me when I last looked up. She must have moved to that spot very quickly, but now she was just. Standing there. But she was just a little woman, she didn’t look threatening, out for a late stroll or on her way home from work, just like me.

She had something over the lower half of her face, covering her mouth and nose. At first I couldn’t process what it was but as I drew near I could see it was a white surgical mask, white elastic tucked behind her ears.

Can I help you?

I asked.

She looked sad. Her eyes. Like maybe she’d been crying. She looked up at me. And she said something. She spoke really quietly, almost in a whisper, and her voice was muffled by the mask.

Sorry?

I leaned in a little closer to hear her.

Do you think I’m beautiful?

She asked.

Right. I figured. She’s just been dumped and she’s out here crying feeling sorry for herself and just wants cheering up.

Poor thing. So I smile and I say:

Sure, of course you’re beautiful.

And her eyes lock on to mine and she reaches up to her ear and unhooks the white elastic and pulls off the mask and

I want to throw up.

Her face is split open, two thick jagged cuts from the edges of her mouth all through her cheeks up to her ears, like a child covering their face in red lipstick. The cuts are stitched roughly together with thick black bloody twine and the scars are still wet.

How about now?

She asks.

Suddenly, a very loud horrible noise bursts from the laptop speakers. The masked woman attacks. JEL screams and slams the laptop shut.

JEL. FUCK!

SOPH laughs, JEL thumps her arm, furious.

You know I hate the jumpy ones.

1.

JEL is showing ELLIE round the school. SOPH is not helping.

JEL. Is it different to your old school? There’s lots of clubs and societies and stuff. So whatever you like I’m sure you’ll find something to do. After school and on lunch. And if you have a club on you can do early lunch and skip the queue so you have time. We don’t really do clubs though. Want one?

She offers a pack of Skittles. Beat.

ELLIE. Yeah alright.

JEL. If there’s something you like that there’s no club for you can start one. One girl started Jewish club and on Fridays they do their own assemblies in B1 and you don’t actually even have to actually be Jewish to go. And you can do extra classes and stuff. I’m doing Mandarin. My mum says Mandarin’s attractive to universities because it’s an employable skill for the future. And there’s loads of sports teams.

ELLIE. I don’t do sports.

SOPH. You look like you do sports.

ELLIE. I don’t do teams.

JEL. I do gymnastics. It’s alright. Our form tutor’s Mr Michaels. He’s alright but he’s really strict on lateness and if you’re late more than twice you get a pink slip / and you have to –

ELLIE. Is he fit?

JEL. Um. He’s sort of. Old.

ELLIE. Are any of them fit?

JEL. Um. / I don’t…

SOPH. Jel fancies Mr O’Connell.

JEL. No I don’t I just like geography.

SOPH. No one likes geography.

ELLIE. Is he fit?

SOPH. He’s a teacher. That’s disgusting.

ELLIE. My dad speaks Chinese.

JEL. Mandarin. Really?

ELLIE. He’s a pilot.

JEL. In China?

ELLIE. Everywhere. You don’t just fly one place do you that’d be pigshit. Look.

She shows JEL her phone.

JEL. He looks nice.

ELLIE. Alright, nympho.

JEL. Is it like your old school?

ELLIE. My old school was this really hardcore girls’ school where everybody goes to like Cambridge and if you weren’t a genius you got totally dicked on. One girl in the year above killed herself.

JEL. Oh my god.

ELLIE. Yeah it was so bad, we all had to have counselling even if we weren’t sad. But I liked the school. It wasn’t in the middle of fucking nowhere.

SOPH. So why’d you move, then?

ELLIE. My dad got this huge promotion.

SOPH. A pilot promotion?

ELLIE. Yeah. Bought this big house in the country, moved us. It was that or boarding school and boarding schools are for lesbians and psychopaths so. There’s a pool but I hate swimming.

JEL. I love swimming.

ELLIE. You should come round and swim some time.

JEL. Do you have pool noodles?

ELLIE. Obviously. (To SOPH.) You swim?

SOPH. No.

ELLIE. What do you fucking do then?

2.

ELLIE and JEL are playing a game with paper and a pen. SOPH is on her laptop.

ELLIE. Number two.

JEL. I don’t know.

ELLIE. Like anything.

JEL. Like. Hug?

ELLIE. Okay. Boring. Number three?

JEL. I don’t know, I don’t / know what’s good.

ELLIE. Like shag on a desk or shag on a pool table / or

JEL. Okay fine. Um. Yeah, shag on a desk.

ELLIE. Oh my god. Okay. Number four.

JEL. Um. Shag. In a swimming pool?

ELLIE. Yes. Okay. Five?

JEL. Um shag in the library?

ELLIE. Okay. So. You are going to stab Ms ...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title page
• Contents
• Welcome to VAULT Festival
• Original Production
• Characters
• Something Awful
• About the Author
• Copyright and Performing Rights Information