Chapter 1:
It All Depends on the What For and the How
āAm I what others tell me?
Am I what I know about myself?ā
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
1.1From How to What
With stage fright, it is not as simple as you might think: some people, such as stage actors, may need it to be better able to focus. Laura, however, was not an actor, but a typical research associate preparing her doctoral thesis. On that day, she was going to have a meeting with her doctoral supervisor, Professor Cornelius. Since the professor principally asked his doctoral candidates to meet him at his private home, she had started out in good time and well prepared. With each step that brought her nearer to the professorās home, however, her stage fright got stronger. Laura hated it! Standing in front of the large, heavy entrance door, she felt like a hurdler about to compete in the Olympic games finals. She could hardly have been any more jumpy. Moreover, Lauraās stomach growled audibly. The young doctoral candidate hadnāt eaten anything since breakfast, since she was unable to swallow the slightest bite. She felt her heart throbbing even faster as she pressed the cast-iron bell push and heard the muffled ding dong from inside the house.
āYes, please?ā a rather high-pitched, well-articulated voice promptly answered. It belonged to Professor Cornelius and perfectly matched his personality type. Laura had only been employed at the institute for a matter of months and did not yet know the professor very well. In person, she had met him only once, at the application interview, where she had had the impression of a calm and factual middle-aged man. āThere is not much temper to be found in this man,ā Laura had thought to herself. To her, he had appeared somewhat colourless and hard to fathom.
āThis is Laura Spielberg!,ā Laura dutifully announced, slightly stooping forward to make herself better heard through the intercom.
āAh, yes, one moment, please!,ā the voice answered. Laura clearly felt how nervous she was, her clammy hands being a clear indicationānot to mention the lump in her throat. She was curious how things would turn out and whether today she would gain a clearer impression of her doctoral supervisor. āPull yourself together! What can possibly happen?,ā she thought, trying to calm herself down. After all, to prepare for the meeting, she had intensively occupied herself with her doctoral thesis, read a book on the doctoral process and studied the doctoral degree regulations. She was familiar with the details of the process and the rules of the procedure. She had written outline notes on the content of her doctoral thesis and spent hours polishing the text the day before. What else could she have possibly done? Nonetheless, she felt incredibly nervous!
Professor Cornelius opened the door. āHello, Ms. Spielberg!,ā he greeted her in a friendly voice, shaking hands with her. āIām glad you are here. Please, come in!ā
This evening, the professor wasnāt wearing a suit as he normally did at the institute, but was dressed informally. Just like Laura herself. He wore a pair of jeans that had seen better days and a grey jumper.
āHello Professor Cornelius!ā Polite and gentlemanly, Professor Cornelius took a step back and, with a broad gesture, welcomed Laura in. He took her coat, putting it in the wardrobe, and led her through the vast parlour with its many pieces of antique Art Nouveau furniture into the winter garden.
āTake a seat, please, Ms. Spielberg!,ā Professor Cornelius said and pointed at one of the voluminous armchairs.
āThank you!,ā Laura replied and hesitantly let her eyes travel. Looking through the large glass panels, she beheld a well-groomed garden with a large pond.
āWould you like to have something to drink?ā
āYes, Iād like to. A glass of water, please,ā Laura heard herself say, sitting in a rather tense posture in one of the astonishingly comfortable armchairs. āItās quite nice here,ā she thought to herself. As Professor Cornelius headed toward the kitchen to get the drinks, Laura put her folder on the coffee table, turning it in such a way that Professor Cornelius would be able to read it from his side of the table.
Cornelius returned with a tray and filled two glasses with still mineral water. Next to them, he placed a bowl with crackers and a bowl with fruit. āHelp yourself, if you please,ā he encouraged her, pointing at the glass bowls with his right hand. Lauraās initial nervousness began to give way. Since she was hungry as a bear, she didnāt need to be told twice and pluckily took to the crackers. Having seated himself in the opposite armchair, Cornelius also helped himself to a cracker, leaned back and relaxed. Smiling, he chattily asked in a friendly voice: āHow are you, Ms. Spielberg?ā
āI have worked a lot on my outline notes these days,ā Laura succinctly replied. āI think I know which topic is suitable.ā
For a moment, the professor looked at Laura silentl...