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About This Book
This is a highly readable guide to the powerfulfamily constellations methodof therapy, which is based on recreating family patterns within the therapeutic context.
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Reconciliation with destiny
"It seems like yesterday: we're driving along a country road at night. Next to me sits Udo, my best friend. I was driving because I had drunk little alcohol. Udo, on the other hand, was well buzzed. Suddenly, a combine harvester drives onto the roadway and blinds us with its headlights. I take evasive action, and so does the combine – but we're both heading in the same direction. Then I wake up in the hospital, plastered and badly injured. Udo was killed instantly, I later learn from the doctor. Since then, I've had no joy in life."
"That was really tragic ..."
"Yes ...", Andreas buries his face in his hands.
"Do you feel guilty for Udo's death?"
"Yes ..."
"Are you ready for us to carefully set up and investigate the situation?"
"OK ..."
In the course of the further preliminary discussion it comes out that the public prosecutor's office investigating at that time had found both the farmer and Andreas innocent and judged it to be a tragic accident.
The lineup of Andreas
First, we line up those involved in the accident:
A = Andreas, U = Udo, F = Farmer
Figure 1: Initial image
Andreas and Udo face each other, with Udo's eyes closed. Andreas' representative keeps looking bashfully at the floor. The farmer watches the two somewhat impassively.
After consulting with the farmer's representative, we dismiss him because he is of no importance to the solution process here.
L = Leader of the lineup, A = Andreas, U = Udo
L (to A): How do you feel now when you're facing Udo.
A: A firework of emotions is going off in me right now: Guilt, shame, longing to talk to him, guilty conscience, joy....
L (to A): Can you be like this and I can turn to Udo or do you need support?
A: It goes ...
L (to U): How are you, Udo?
U: Peacefully. I really just want to sleep, but I feel the constant attention of Andreas.
L (to U): Andreas is here today because he feels inhibited and unhappy in his life since the accident. Are you ready to support Andreas to lead a normal life again?
U: OK ... I have my peace ...
L (to U): Unfortunately, Andreas isn't. Would you open your eyes and take a look at him?
Udo opens his eyes and looks at Andreas in a friendly way.
L (to A): How do you feel now when Udo looks at you?
A: Still a lot of emotions. Maybe a little more joy ...
L (to U): Are you angry or reproachful in any way with Andreas because of the accident and your death?
U: No!
L (to A): What is it with you when you hear that there is nothing negative between you and Udo?
A: I ... can't believe it like that ...
L (to U): Can you say to Andreas in your own words something like: "The accident and my death was my fate! You are not to blame!"
Udo says it.
L (to A): What's going on with you when you hear that?
A: On the one hand, I'm kind of relieved, but on the other hand, there's disbelief ...
L: OK. We'll take destiny into the lineup. Andreas, please take the place of your representative when you are ready.
Figure 2: Intermediate image 1
A = Andreas, U = Udo, Fa = Fate
L (to A): Feel your way in and also consciously feel in the direction of destiny.
Andreas is given three minutes to absorb the situation.
L (to A): Are you ready?
A: Yes.
L (to Fa): Tell Andreas with your words that it was your will and your power that Udo died and Andreas was allowed to live on.
S: Udo's time had come, you were allowed to live on – that is the power of destiny.
Andreas begins to cry silently.
L (to A): Can you acknowledge the power of fate?
A: Yes ...
L (to A): Good. Powerlessness in the face of fate is a healthy powerlessness – acknowledging it takes real humility. Can you do that?
A: I don't know ...
L (to A): Maybe it would help you if you said goodbye to Udo first – at that time everything was very sudden ...
A: Yes!
Over the next few minutes, Andreas very slowly walks up to Udo, hugs him and says goodbye, then Udo steps behind the fate Andreas is now continuing to work with.
Figure 3: Intermediate image 2, abbreviations as above
L (to A): OK. Could you imagine bowing down to fate and its power, maybe even saying thank you! for surviving?
A: Yes ...
L (to A): Do it slowly and deliberately.
Andreas slowly bows to fate and thanks me. I touch his back at heart level because he starts to tremble slightly in order to discharge trauma energies that would now disturb this process.
Then I put a big pillow in the hands of destiny.
L (to A): If you have survived such a serious accident like you, Andreas, you often have to take life anew as a 2nd chance. Your previous inhibition of life has shown that you don't seem to have done that yet. Do you want to try it?
A: Yes.
L (to A): OK, walk very slowly towards destiny and take the pillow as a symbol of new life.
Andreas does it, taking some time.
L (to A): If you have the pillow, run up to the outer circle, which is now supposed to symbolize the "possibilities of the future", OK?
Figure 4: Final image
Andreas stands at the outer circle with the pillow pressed tightly to his chest and beams.
We finish the lineup.
Follow-up
The title of this article is "Reconciliation with destiny". But in fact it has more to do with:
- Recognizing what is
- Forgiving yourself
- And fully accepting the gift of (2nd) life.
With the attitude of humility one can initiate many healing, inner processes. In a constellation, one can symbolically support the development of humility in order to absorb the unchangeable, such as death, strokes of fate and the like.
Humility does not mean accepting everything without complaint.
For survivors of disasters, accidents, displacement, wars, etc., in addition to trauma work, accepting the gift of life with humility is an important step in healing and processing.
For Andreas, it would now be advisable to drain and dissolve the trauma energy stored in his nervous system step by step.
It would also be good, in order to anchor the grasping of the 2nd life, to start something completely new, which he really enjoys, such as the following; for example:
- A new hobby,
- A new job,
- A small, regular ritual to celebrate life.
This sends a clear message of change for the better to the subconscious.
After such a constellation, Hellinger recommends saying inwardly to oneself for a certain period of time whenever one encounters another person: "I am alive!"
I would complete the sentence to:
"I'm alive – life is wonderful!"
Tinnitus – unresolved issues make themselves felt disturbingly in the ear
"It started all of a sudden when I had a lot of stress at work and in my private life: restructuring after our company was bought out and everyone feared for their jobs, then my boyfriend broke up with me ... One morning I woke up with an unpleasant whistling sound in my ear and looked for the source of the sound. Only then did I realize it...
Table of contents
- Foreword
- Reconciliation with destiny
- Past life constellation: how soul contracts from previous lives can gag your current life
- When it makes sense to cancel a setup
- Interrupted outward movement – When the newborn's self-attachment was unsuccessful
- Pregnant women and family constellations – A tightrope walk
- Intentionally childless – How women can transform societal and biological pressures
- From the drama triangle to the creation triangle
- Let go of back pain
- How past partners can affect your present family
- Anorexia in girls
- Achieve true self-determination
- Individual sessions with the family board
- From victim to perpetrator: the "profit" of the perpetrator structure
- Afterword
- Literature
- About me