How You Leave Them Feeling

Your Ultimate Key to Personal & Professional Success

Jesse Ferrell

• Publisher: Publish Your Purpose
• Year: 2022
• ISBN:
  9781955985406
• Edition: 2
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Personal Success

How You Leave Them Feeling is an inspirational book written for anyone who wants to live a happier and more fulfilled life. Whether you are the CEO of a multinational company or a student attending college, the simple steps offered by Jesse Ferrell inHow You Leave Them Feelingcan be incorporated into your everyday life to achieve immediate, effective, and rewarding results.

As a professional speaker and lifestyle coach, Jesse Ferrell has helped hundreds of individuals and corporations achieve their goals. With a view to reaching as many people as he can, Jesse has now incorporated his years of experience and teaching into this motivational and enlightening book.How You Leave Them Feelingis a how-to guide for achieving the life you've always dreamed of having.

Following the principle that we have complete control over our own destinies, Jesse shows you how to take charge of your own quality of life. Changing your life is as simple as changing your attitude, your thinking, and the people you associate with. The fundamental building block for achieving your goals is learning how you and your actions affect others. Simply put, how you leave other people feeling and how people perceive you have a profound effect on the quality of your life. This cause-and-effect principle explains how we can help ourselves by learning to help others around us. Constant reinforcement of this key principle as well as conscious awareness of how we make others feel, how they perceive us, and how we help them, can together lead us to more successful and fulfilling lives.

Chapter 1

Truth or Consequences of How You Leave People Feeling

Do you gain far more regret than satisfaction from your interpersonal communications? This chapter will explore the options for developing or improving your interpersonal skills. The definition of interpersonal skills, as given in Webster’s New World Dictionary, is quite simple: “relating to, or involving, relations between persons.” This definition encompasses all of your interpersonal relationships, from blood relatives to employers, acquaintances, friendships and intimate relationships.

You might be under the impression that because you are in love with your boyfriend or wife, you treat them differently than a good friend or close coworker. The truth is that while you may have different facets or multiple levels to your array of relationships, you are most likely bringing the same person to all of these associations.

“Wherever you go, there you are.”

- Unknown

If you tend to be a bit rough around the edges and often find yourself wearing the label of an ass, you are going to be an ass to your friend, in a platonic fashion and an ass to your loved one, in an intimate fashion. If your personality is inclined toward the nice-guy side, you will generally be a person who tends to get along with your coworkers and make peace with your loved ones. The old adage - “Wherever you go, there you are” applies here! Changing your surroundings will not change who you are: You simply bring the ass in you along for the ride. The consequences of refusing to take a strong introspective look at yourself, or taking a look and coming back with a false reading, will be the eventual doom of your interpersonal relationships.

We can always tell when we have behaved poorly, even those of us who behave like an ass on a regular basis. The first signal of behaving poorly can be read on the faces of others after your interaction with them. A feeling in the pit of your stomach signals trouble or personal unbalance. Admitting to this behavior and undertaking damage control are steps in the right direction, but they still leave plenty of room on the highway of redemption.

Many people fool themselves into believing their negative actions are warranted. This denial arises from an extremely selfish nature and the overriding objective for people like this is to get what they want at all costs. Having an egocentric nature, they never even think to treat you in a congenial fashion, which might not only lead to the satisfaction of their request, but possibly offer additional perks.

We often refuse to take ownership at critical junctures in our interpersonal relationships. Those who have advanced interpersonal skills understand when to invoke damage control measures in order to repair breaches of poor communication. This can feel unsettling, like a drive down an old, unpaved country road. But putting both hands on the wheel, taking full control and ownership and steering the car through all conditions are what creating and maintaining good relationships with others are all about. This less-traveled road is where life ultimately gets easier, as we are able to make adjustments in our interpersonal communications along the way. The reward is personal growth and improved relationships.

If you fail to take ownership for the times when you have communicated poorly and elect to continue doing what you have always done, you will perpetuate a negative cycle of leaving people feeling poorly. Personal regrets stack up and create a bone yard of failed interpersonal relationships and missed opportunities for both reward and growth. These regrets stem from denial of the truth, the truth about where we stand with our interpersonal skills.

“Other people’s perceptions of you become your reality!”

- Jesse Ferrell

Your fate within the relationship rests in others’ perceptions of your character, your actions and your words - it comes down to how you leave them feeling. Other people’s perceptions of you become your reality! You will be judged and treated in a manner consistent with what others believe about you. The truth may be an entirely different story, but people’s perceptions of you are what you will be left to deal with.

Mr. Dunn: A story of how not to leave people feeling

During my years of working as a casino marketing executive in Las Vegas, Nevada, at numerous multimillion-dollar hotel and casino resorts, I encountered a broad range of interesting personalities. These unique and sometimes eccentric people always left me feeling a variety of emotions. One client stands out far and above the rest for his ability to push all the wrong buttons. He represents the epitome of behaving like an ass at all times and leaving others in a state of conflicting emotions. His rude and insensitive demands had a way of leaving my stomach in knots, whether the encounter was in person or by long distance.

The emotions that would strike simultaneously might include: fear, nervousness, resentment, revulsion and a sense of being abused. From the time I would receive Mr. Dunn’s first call to book a room for a typical three-night stay, until I received his call that he had returned home safely, dealing with him was a nightmare. He was never stingy enough to reserve his abuse just for me; he made sure to spread his venom to every employee that crossed his path. He always left a trail of discontent and discord in his wake. His presence alone was enough to poison the environment.

Mr. Dunn serves as a model of how not to leave people feeling. His story illustrates how others were left feeling as a result of his demands and greed. His behavior and quest to have things his way, regardless of who might suffer in the process, is a prime example of what not to do.

When I served as director of the casino marketing department, I always faced a peculiar dilemma in managing Mr. Dunn. He represented significant value to the company with his “high-roller” status and ability to play blackjack and baccarat. His potential losses to the casino were, on average, in the amounts of $100,000 per each three-night stay. Mr. Dunn was never worried about such losses because his day job as a Wall Street commodities broker always kept him in the green.

Whenever Mr. Dunn was not happy with the service, he would launch his verbal assaults and complaints directly to the Regional Senior Vice President of West Coast Resorts. The subsequent call coming from the Vice President of Marketing was never pleasant, as we hustled to put out whatever fire Mr. Dunn had started.

Those who dealt with this difficult client were laying their jobs on the line. The slightest mistake or simple misunderstanding would be enough incentive for him to push the panic button and make the call upstairs. In a matter of minutes, you were over a barrel. It was a helpless feeling.

Regardless of efforts to please him, nothing was ever good enough. He could not find the heart to show any appreciation. I can remember being on vacation during one of his trips and receiving an angry call from him. He was yelling at the top of his lungs because he was not happy with his $75,000 win for the trip. He was demanding full complimentary rooms, food and beverage along with airfare reimbursement for himself, his wife and two young children. Mr. Dunn had conveniently forgotten that he was already $3,000 overcompensated before the additional request of airfare reimbursement. He did not care that I was on vacation and he insisted that I make the correction regarding his full reimbursement from wherever I was at the time, or he would take his valued business elsewhere.

I can assure you, I have never taken kindly to being threatened and this type of behavior didn’t make me grow an attraction for him or for managing his account. I always maintained proper decorum and class in handling Mr. Dunn, but deep inside I felt repulsed and disgusted. I couldn’t afford to show it, but I grew to despise him.

The hardest part about managing hostile customers is knowing that your livelihood is on the line and that there is very little you can do about it. Mr. Dunn understood that his weight in the casino afforded him the leeway to abuse both me and any other employees he encountered. I could always bend my mind around his abuse, but I had a much tougher time stomaching the vulnerable position he put me in when it came to maintaining my livelihood.

My thoughts would constantly return to the fact that Mr. Dunn’s actions were always calculated - he knew what position he was placing me in. It was as though he reveled in the power of being able to control me by toying with my emotions. The challenge of unscrambling my emotions burned like rubbing alcohol in an open wound. Managing Mr. Dunn was like walking around with Faberge eggs in a weak basket and, with a sense of impending doom, knowing that the eggs would eventually shatter all over the floor. He was well aware of how he left me feeling and never showed an ounce of remorse.

Many of you know someone just like Mr. Dunn. But have you ever figured out how to manage such people? Were you ever able to determine what you should learn from such extreme challenges?

Learning how not to behave with others

Among other key lessons, we learn how not to behave, how not to treat others. We learn that people who make such a production out of toying with the emotions and livelihoods of others are bitter, unhappy people. These people believe they may relieve their own stress, internal pain or demons by making our lives miserable.

The old misery-loves-company game is at work here. A quote from my friend James Catledge (Founder and CEO of Impact Net Worth) seems appropriate here. James says people like Mr. Dunn “read by the lamp of their own conceit.” The consequences for people who persist in conducting themselves in this manner, without any correction, usually manifest in a number of ways. They may find themselves playing the role of social misfits, shunned by friends, family and business relations. Oftentimes, the only people with whom they are able to surround themselves are those who typically work in service-oriented roles. Thus they are ultimately paying for the attention that is awarded them. They often end up with all sorts of illnesses before dying lonely.

People like Mr. Dunn can invoke negative emotions in you and bring out a side that you may never have known you had. Imagine finding yourself begging for instant justice or seeking revenge. But in the long run, these tactics will not help you feel any better about being subjected to abusive behavior. If not managed properly, frustration and repressed anger can gnaw at you and leave you feeling bitter. Observing the first set of action steps that follow will provide avenues for effectively managing these challenging emotional issues and leave the justice up to a higher court.

If you are unfortunate enough to have a personality like Mr. Dunn’s, I hope his story hits home with you and offers you a mirror for self-examination. You may finally understand how your character and actions consistently leave others feeling. I hope true introspection would lead to your seeking help in order to rid yourself of destructive character flaws. The second set of action steps below will assist you in managing your characteristics and behaviors that are similar to Mr. Dunn’s.

Key Action Steps

Truth or Consequences of How You Leave People Feeling

Dealing with difficult people or personality types like Mr. Dunn’s

Action Step 1

Maintain your integrity and self-respect

In spite of the peculiar intentions of a character like Mr. Dunn, always maintain your integrity and self-respect. Never give in and allow difficult people to crush your spirit. You will find that you gain respect in the eyes of difficult people when they discover that their roguish and subversive tactics don’t leave you flat-lined.

Action Step 2

Minimize your exposure

A clear and easy way to manage difficult personality types is to minimize your exposure to people who fit this profile. As simple as this sounds, it may not come to you straightaway that restricting the time you spend with hard-to-stomach personality types just may be the key to managing them in the long run. You don’t want this to be noticeable, so your method of taking control of your exposure should be adjusted based on the individual personalities and the specific circumstances.

Action Step 3

Neutralize negative energy

Positive self-talk will assist in balancing your mental environment whenever you are interacting with difficult people. Your natural inclination may be to respond negatively, at least mentally, to the negative energy coming your way. Holding positive thoughts, however, can be a strong weapon to neutralize the negative energy of others as you interact with them.

Action Step 4

Search for tidbits of positive traits

Even those with caustic personalities have something positive about them. Always search for those tidbits of good things about difficult people or, at the very least, find the lesson and throw everything else away. If you have exhausted your search for good traits about a d...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Full Title
• Copyright
• Table of Contents
• Foreword
• Preface
• Introduction
• 1. Truth or Consequences of How You Leave People Feeling
• 2. Leaving Your Signature Is a Measure of How You Do Things
• 3. The First Essential Law of Life - The Law of Attitude
• 4. The Second Essential Law of Life - The Law of Communication
• 5. The Best Way to Leave People Feeling
• 6. The Third Essential Law of Life - The Law of Personal and Professional Development
• 7. The Fourth Essential Law of Life - The Law of Accumulation
• 8. The Fifth Essential Law of Life - The Law of Attraction
• 9. Friends and Family: A Global Community - The Village Shines the Light
• 10. Can You Say Attitude? Your Attitude Can Kill You - Check Your Pulse
• 11. The Sixth Essential Law of Life - The Law of Cause and Effect
• 12. Develop a Passion for Leaving Everything - and Everyone - Better than You Found Them
• 13. The Seventh Essential Law of Life - The Law of Balance
• A World of Appreciation
• About the Author
• Recommended Reading