Looking Up

The Advantages of Being Underestimated

Michele Sullivan

• Publisher: HarperCollins Leadership
• Year: 2020
• ISBN:
  9781400214327
• Topic: Sozialwissenschaften
• Subtopic: Sozialwissenschaftliche Biographien

Imagine being born into a world where fitting in was never an option.

Michele Sullivan, one of the most powerful women in philanthropy, was born with a rare form of dwarfism. Meaning she has spent her entire life looking up. As the first female president of the Caterpillar Foundation, she has used her unique point of view to impact countless lives around the world.

As a child, Michele decided to life a life of meaning, by:

• Tailoring her differences into something more suitable for the world.
• Hiding from the world and live on the fringe.
• Embracing her differences to turn them into assets.
• Recognize that there was a strength within her that could help others.

Looking Up is the story of how Michele became the smallest woman at the largest earth-moving manufacturer in the world. While her height has presented challenges that are different from most, it has allowed her to see things that others do not, literally and figuratively.

Embedded in this narrative are unique (and often hilarious) takeaways for individuals about the importance of making the first move, being wrong at first, choosing intimacy over influence, and learning that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.

CHAPTER 1

TWO KINDS OF GROWTH

Take her home and treat her like everybody else.”

The doctor’s advice to my parents, given on the cold winter morning I was born, helped set the course of my life. The doctor could see I had clubfoot, but X-rays showed I had something else, a form of dwarfism called achondroplasia, usually referred to as simply “achon” (pronounced a-kon). This was the 1960s, so my parents had no frame of reference for what the diagnosis meant. If we’re being honest, neither did the doctors. Even though achon is the most common of the approximately two hundred types of dwarfism, this was over five decades ago, when you didn’t see a lot of little people in public. There’s no doubt in my mind the doctor was out of his element when faced with my condition, which made his recommendation all the more remarkable.

His perspective gave my parents hope and direction, although I tend to think they would have taken that route regardless. They seemed built to handle pretty much anything. Even though both were in their early twenties when I was born, there wasn’t much they hadn’t already seen and conquered. Seemingly unfazed, they took me home and dedicated their lives to doing what the doctor had prescribed—so successfully that, for years, I never knew I was different from anyone else.

Halloween was my first clue. We lived in a middle-class neighborhood of about forty houses in East Peoria, Illinois. My younger sister, older brother, and I slipped into character each year, and away we’d go, trick-or-treating with our parents leading the way. I was out-of-my-mind excited every year, but by about four years old, a subtle question had arisen in my mind: How come every neighbor knew it was me behind the ghost costume? I mean, my face was hidden . . . and yet every time a door opened, it was, “Hi, Michele! Come on in!”

I also wondered why my trick-or-treating stint was so curiously short compared to my siblings’ epic trek. Three houses and I was done. My legs couldn’t go any farther. In contrast, my brother and sister hiked to every house in the neighborhood. Our parents supplemented my candy spoils to make it fair, so I never complained. But I didn’t understand why.

Then I went to kindergarten.

I leapt out of the car when we arrived at Robein Grade School for my first day of school. As my mom and I walked down two long hallways and the classroom came into view, I straightened my shoulders and stuck out my chest like I owned the place. If you’ve seen the BBC clip of the professor being interviewed when his young daughter comes strutting into his office in the background, you know about how I looked. I shoved open my classroom door and announced, “Hello!” in a shrill voice. The teacher grinned as she greeted me. Then she directed me to the other kids, who were playing in a circle, while she talked to my mom. I scurried over and plopped down next to them.

“Hey!” I bubbled. I couldn’t believe my luck. Contrary to some kids who enter their first classroom terrified, I’d been awaiting this day my entire life. And I’d finally made it. I got right down to the business of playing with my new friends.

More kids arrived and filled the classroom, and we bustled about while our teacher greeted the parents. I was chatting up everyone who’d listen when a blond boy in blue shorts and a white shirt stopped next to me.

“Why are you so little?” he asked. “You look funny.”

I kept chatting away. I didn’t think he was talking to me.

He said it louder and craned over me to show that he was bigger.

“What are you talking about?” I said. “I’m not little.”

“Yeah, why do you look funny?” the girl on my other side echoed. “What’s the matter with you?”

I just stood there.

To break the sudden silence, I went back to playing. It was too late. Now every kid in the circle had stopped playing and was staring at me. I can still feel the moment in my bones. I glanced over my outfit, thinking maybe it was my clothes.

I still didn’t speak, but the air had changed. The other kids busied themselves, still glancing over their shoulders to try and understand. My face and shoulders fell. My stomach churned. I looked around for someone else to play with, and that’s when I realized a new circle had formed, and I was standing outside it.

In that instant I morphed from a confident young girl into a scared, self-conscious one. Isn’t it profound what a single event can do to a person? Confusion enveloped me throughout the rest of that day, like a fog that wouldn’t lift. For the first couple of hours, I tried to rise above it. I’d raise my hand with an answer to the teacher’s question. Then I’d speak and notice the head tilts and stares from the desks beside me. By 10:00 a.m. naptime, I was a bystander. I laid my head on the small square of brown carpet and didn’t close my eyes. I could only replay the phrases I’d heard and the looks I’d seen, over and over in my head. Eventually, the weight of fear and uncertainty was too much for me. After naptime was over, I kept my hands folded on my desk and my mouth shut.

---

Isn’t it profound what a single event can do to a person?

---

I beelined for my mom’s car as soon as the teacher dismissed us that afternoon. I crawled in the front seat, sat up, and looked straight ahead.

“How did it go?” my mom asked as she put the car in drive.

“Is there something wrong with me?” I countered. “What does ‘retarded’ mean?”

She paused in a way she had never paused before that day. It was probably only seconds, but it may as well have been three hours. Her silence frightened me. I know now that she wanted to say the right thing. And that she had been thinking about her answer for five years.

“Well,” she finally began, “you are smaller than everybody else, Michele—it’s how God made you.”

She said it so matter-of-factly, in the same way she told me, “It’ll only be a little sting,” when I had to get a shot. Her tone took me aback.

“But you can still do anything and everything,” she continued. “Keep getting to know people, and if they get to know you, they won’t think of you as being different.”

We came to a stoplight and she turned toward me and looked right into my eyes, as if doing so would maximize my comprehension of what she said next. “Because the truth is, we all have our differences, honey. Some are just more obvious than others.”

I would discover that my mom was right. But not before discovering that being different wasn’t as easy as it sounded. Recognizing your differences isn’t as difficult as embracing them, let alone learning that they can be your greatest advantage.

That first day of kindergarten drew a big, fat line in the sand. Once I crossed it, there was no going back. The news that I was, and would remain, smaller than others my entire life was both confusing and shocking to my young heart, and it instantly darkened the world outside my home. The realization marked the beginning of a new journey from acceptance to confidence to understanding that looking up to others is much more than a matter of physical stature.

The journey would take me a while. It had begun on that first day of school, but the majority of my early progress occurred at our kitchen table.

Every night while I was growing up, my family gathered in the modest, linoleum-floored kitchen at 6:00 p.m. There we took our seats around the oval oak table and ate together. Over the adventurous concoctions my mom whipped up, we’d take turns sharing about our day. My mom was always curious and always reading, and she would usually share a nugget of wisdom she’d learned. My dad would tell us tales from the factory floor at Caterpillar (CAT), where he worked as a forklift operator and, later, as a foreman. My older brother, younger sister, and I would spill the latest school gossip—for me especially, something notable always seemed to happen—and my mom and dad were genuinely interested in what we were experiencing. (Remember when you were young and the most exciting days at school were when somebody puked?) Of course, they also asked what else we’d learned in class. Who did we hang out with at recess? How did we feel? What were we struggling with? It became something I counted on, this allotted time and place to let down any walls I’d built up to protect myself during the day. It was a safe place, a sanctuary of sorts, filled with people who knew the difference between hearing and listening. Even we kids came to understand this difference.

Dinner at the kitchen table was also an important ritual because it’s where I began to fully comprehend the breadth of my family members’ lives. I was no longer just seeing them in passing. I was getting to know them, really know who they were, how they thought and hurt and dreamed. Though I sensed from a distance the emotional, physical, and financial tax that my circumstances had on them, at dinner I got to see the full spectrum of their colored lives. And they got to see mine. In that way, those precious hours around the table were as life-giving as they were lifesaving, especially as the doctor visits increased. I came to see that, despite being constantly in need of medical attention, life was not all about me.

We had my mom to thank for the nightly tradition. Growing up, she and her family had relocated constantly. Her dad, a lanky, thick-haired Swede, toggled between seasonal work as a carpenter and intermittent entrepreneurship throughout her childhood, owning a single tavern at three different times in Minnesota, and holding various other jobs in North and South Dakota. Having grown up the son of first-generation immigrants during the Great Depression, he’d learned to take no opportunity lightly, and he moved the family as often as was necessary to ensure income. One of the only consistencies during my mom’s early years was sitting around the kitchen table for family dinner. In a postwar, mid-century America that seemed to be changing more rapidly than anyone could predict, it was formative to always have the stability of an evening meal together. But—such was her life—even that changed.

When she was fourteen, my mom’s parents sent her alone on a twenty-four-hour bus ride from their small town in the prairieland of Minnesota to Peoria, Illinois, where her older sister and brother-in-law were about to have their second baby. Her sister was going to need help caring for the first child while she tended to her newborn, and apparently my middle school–age mom was the answer.

Maybe it wasn’t as crazy as it sounds to me. My mom was used to being resourceful. The frequent relocation during her childhood may have forced it on her, but she hadn’t shrunk from the uncertainty. It seemed to strengthen her. The harsh Midwestern winters made her resilient. The odd jobs made her capable. All of this prepared her for a near and distant future. In the end, she navigated the solo trip to Peoria like a champ, which included changing bus stations in Chicago after she’d been told she wouldn’t have to, and then having no money for a taxi when there was no one to pick her up at her destination. Her sister had no phone, so my mom sat in a cotton dress and stockings and waited at the outdoor bus station, which was no more than a metal awning and a wooden bench. One hour later, her brother, who also lived in the area, showed up. When my mom finally stepped foot in her older sister’s home well into the evening, she offered no complaints and jumped right into a maternal responsibility that didn’t typically befall a teenager. She’d been born with more moxie than most girls her age. And she continued to grow.

Years later, after meeting and marrying my father, the same sister and husband fell ill with tuberculosis. They were quarantined individually and apart from their four children. In order for the kids to not be placed in foster care, my parents took them in. In her midtwenties, my mom was caring for five kids under age seven.

Long after my aunt and uncle recovered and my cousins moved back into their home, our fridge still featured a picture of my young mom with five towheaded children gathered in front of her. Her hair is already stark white—courtesy, I’m sure, of the weight of responsibility and various near disasters, like once discovering my three-year-old brother standing in the middle of the interstate that ran right outside their front door. Next to the photo was an index card with my mom’s handwriting: “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”

That became a mantra of mine as I navigated adolescence. It was either that or accept a limited life at home, with siblings for friends and parents for teachers. This would have been the more common choice. In the late 1960s and early 1970s, the only little people in the public eye were on a television set or at a circus. My mom wouldn’t allow me to hide, though I often tried, and she saw much more for my life than the average American did. With her direct but loving encouragement, I settled into a routine at school and there was a sense of normalcy to my days. My comparative differences were still, increasingly, prevalent. My legs weren’t long enough to walk up the steps of the school bus, so I crawled up on my hands and knees, like a toddler climbing stairs. I also had to keep to the outskirts of the school hallways so kids wouldn’t accidentally plow into me, which happened from time to time, once knocking me out cold. Eventually, everyone got used to seeing me, and I wasn’t worthy of their whispers and stares anymore. Within the safe confines of school, I was the short girl. So what? Been there, seen that.

---

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”

---

And then it got even b...

Table of contents

• Contents
• Foreword by Cherie Blair
• Introduction: The Long and Short of It
• Chapter 1: Two Kinds of Growth
• Chapter 2: There Is No Such Thing as Knowledge at First Sigh
• Chapter 3: Seeing Others Takes Sacrifice
• Chapter 4: The Value of Being Wrong—at First
• Chapter 5: Letting Down Your Guard
• Chapter 6: Make the First Move
• Chapter 7: Asking for Help Is a Strength, Not a Weakness
• Chapter 8: Choose Intimacy over Influence
• Chapter 9: A New Line of Sight
• Chapter 10: The Real Measure of Impact
• Acknowledgments
• Notes
• About the Author
• Photos