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Gratitude
On January 1, 2012, a young man named Brian Doyle and two of his friends had a near miss with a wrong-way driver. One year later, Brian shared his story at the TEDxYouth@SanDiego 2013 event. He explained that this near accident impacted his life in an unexpected way: For nearly a year he thought about people in his life and ways they had influenced him. Then, over the 2012 Thanksgiving holiday, he decided to say thank you to one person every day for the next 365 days. He began the next day. From his best friend to former classmates and teachers, from his parents and other family members to people he barely knew, Brian took the time to say thank you. He learned many lessons from saying thank you, but one of the most important was that people do not know how much they are appreciated by othersâespecially if no one ever tells them. He also reported that his focus shifted to looking for the positives in every day instead of the negative (Doyle, 2014).
Overview
Itâs no accident that weâve chosen to begin this book with the topic of gratitude. If you decide to try the strategies suggested in this book, start with gratitude. Why? Personal experience has shown us that the simple act of expressing gratitude is the quickest way to increase our sense of well-being, and experts in the field agree. They identify a number of immediate and long-term benefits of experiencing and expressing gratitude, even after engaging in this practice for only a short period of time. What are the benefits, and how do you get started? Letâs begin by establishing a common understanding of what we mean by gratitude.
WHERE TO FIND RESOURCES ON GRATITUDE
Interested in learning more about how practicing gratitude changes lives? Check out these web resources for research on gratitude:
Expanding the Science and Practice of Gratitude (ggsc.berkeley.edu): Housed at the University of California, Berkeley, the Greater Good Science Center sponsors research and public initiatives that focus on gratitude. Access articles and other information on the website.
âFive Best Books on Gratitude + Oliver Sacksâ Gratitude Bookâ (positivepsychologyprogram.com/gratitude-books-oliver-sachs): Five book recommendations as well as links to additional readings on gratitude.
âFive Steps for Building Grateful Kidsâ (cct.biola.edu/5-steps-building-grateful-kids): This article by Jeffrey J. Froh discusses why it is important to teach kids to be grateful. It features five strategies to encourage kids to have more gratitude.
People often define gratitude as being thankful for someone or something, but it is more than that. Gratitude is also peopleâs willingness to show appreciation for kindnesses extended to them and to return or pass along that kindness in some way. In other words, initially, gratitude is experienced internally, but it is enhanced or expanded when we externally express thanks to someone or are inspired to perform acts of kindness of our own. This twofold definition is what we mean when using the term gratitude.
The importance of gratitude has been recognized for centuries. For example, Aesop (620â564 BCE) said, âGratitude is the sign of noble souls,â and Marcus Tullius Cicero (106â43 BCE) reportedly said, âGratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.â The positive benefits of practicing gratitude are numerous. For simplicityâs sake, we have classified benefits into three areas: physical health, mental health, and social health. Letâs take a brief look at benefits in each of these categories.
Physical Health
Robert A. Emmons, PhD, author and professor of psychology at University of California, Davis, focuses on gratitude in his work. Based on results of several studies, Emmonsâ research team found that people of all ages who nourish feelings of gratitude see health benefits in as little as three weeks. These benefits include: a more robust immune system; reduced risk of heart disease due to physical changes such as decreased blood pressure; less stress; and fewer aches and pains in general (Emmons, 2010).
It also appears that people who feel grateful take better care of themselves. For example, they are more likely to exercise regularly and have healthier diets. These people also sleep more deeply and feel better rested on waking.
Mental Health
Dr. Emmons and other researchers identify several ways gratitude improves individualsâ mental health. For example, people who show gratitude experience an increase in their sense of personal happiness at home and at work while also reporting a decrease in emotions such as envy, depression, or anxiety (Emmons, 2010). Similar findings were identified in two studies that focused on expressing gratitude in writing, for example by journaling or writing a letter. The subjects of one study were health care practitioners working in high stress environments while subjects of the second study were people participating in therapy. Participants in both studies reported decreased mental stress and increases in their mental health after keeping gratitude diaries or journals or, in the second study, writing letters of gratitude (American Psychiatric Association, 2017).
There are additional mental health benefits connected to gratitude. They include increased optimism, better performance both professionally and academically, and a greater ability to cope with difficult circumstances. In fact, a team of researchers led by Dr. Barbara L. Fredrickson was exploring a hypothesis that positive emotions foster resiliency when they tested a group of college students in early 2001 to measure the level of positive emotions they expressedâincluding gratitude. These same students were tested in the weeks following the 9/11 attacks in New York City. In analyzing studentsâ preâ and postâ9/11 scores, researchers found that those participants who had expressed higher levels of positive emotions, including gratitude, were less likely to experience depression or other negative emotions following the events of 9/11 (Fredrickson et al., 2003).
Social Health
Based upon the give-and-take nature of fully expressed gratitude, researchers at UC Davis identified a connection between gratitude and a personâs social health. For starters, people who are grateful also tend to be empatheticâvery good at putting themselves in someone elseâs shoes. Along with their ability to empathize, grateful people tend to have a strong sense of community and believe they have a responsibility to care for others. These characteristics lead to positive outcomes, including:
âą Deep friendships
âą The ability to be good team players
âą Strong family relationships
âą Willingness to help others
âą Strong sense of community
The Real-World Connection
Americansâ levels of optimism and happiness have been declining over the last few years. An Allstate/National Journal Heartland Monitor Poll conducted in 2015 asked participants how six current social and economic trends in American society impacted their general feelings of optimism or pessimism. While two of the trends made them feel more optimistic, participants reported that the remaining four trends left them feeling increasingly pessimistic (Brownstein, 2015). Additionally, Americaâs ranking in the international World Happiness Report has fallen for the second time in two years. In the 2018 report, America fell from 14th to 18th in the reportâs ranking of 156 countries from around the world (Horton, 2018). The good news is that individuals can make small efforts to recognize what they have to be grateful for and move toward more positive feelings and actions. The better news is that one person can encourage others, both directly and indirectly, to spread feelings of gratitude throughout their own spheres of influence.
A classic example of this phenomenon is found in Eleanor H. Porterâs time-honored childrenâs novel from 1913, Pollyanna. An orphaned child (the title character) comes to live with her aunt, who is a cold, unhappy person. During the course of the story, Pollyanna changes not only her auntâs view of the world but that of many townspeople through her ability to express gratitude and practice kindness. The profound impact of these changes is realized when Pollyanna is temporarily paralyzed following an accident and those whose lives she has touched rally to help her find the good in this terrible event.
A bit corny, perhaps, but intentional focus on expressing gratitude helps not only the individual but everyone with whom that person interacts. Just one person can influence others by practicing gratitude quietly and consistently. In turn, those who pick up on this âattitude of gratitudeâ will influence their families and friends as well. Give it a try!
Technology and Gratitude
The idiom âkeeping up with the Jonesesâ comes from the title of a comic strip created by Arthur R. Momand and published in several U.S. newspapers from 1913 to 1938. The strip depicted the lives of the McGinis family, who measured their own level of social and material successes by comparing themselves to their neighbors, the Joneses, who never actually appeared in the strip. Needless to say, the McGinises continually struggled to measure up (Pritchard, 2013).
Being envious of others is part of the human condition, but it is also fair to say that since the early days of readily available, inexpensive print materials, mass media has helped intensify these feelings of jealousy. Technologiesâincluding movies, radio, television, and now the internetâmake it even easier to experience discontent with our lives. Although the internet alone cannot be blamed solely for anyoneâs sense of dissatisfaction, it is reasonable to acknowledge that all forms of media can contribute to a personâs discontent when not viewed with a critical eye.
Why does this happen? There are exceptions, but most people who post on social media do not air their dirty laundry so publicly. They usually focus on the high points in their livesâvacations, weddings, holiday celebrations, and so on. These upbeat, on-top-of-the-world messages can give readers the sense that their own lives are not nearly as positive or rewarding as those of their friends; this can lead to lower self-esteem and a sense of dissatisfaction (Barr, 2018). Instead of being grateful for all the good things and people that are already part of their lives, they develop resentments about what they think they should have, but do not.
The way to combat the drive to keep up with the virtual Joneses is to step back and think critically about whatâs happening and why. Here are a few things to try with social media feeds and other online accounts.
- Unfollow people who arouse jealousy. You know who they are. No matter what they write about, you end up feeling inferior because you believe your life will never measure up to theirs. It does not matter if others consider these people inspirationalâif you do not, unfollow them. Whether itâs people you know in real life or online, theyâll never know you are not reading their posts, and you will feel better.
- Follow people who inspire you, people whose posts lift you up or offer content that ...