PART 2
SEVEN MOUNTAINS:
JOURNAL EXCERPTS 1994–2001
1994
These are, perhaps, some of the greatest moments of my life. I have “been led” or “fallen into” or “happened upon” a series of events, revelations, insights that have brought on some of the most intense feelings and experiences I have ever had. My overall search has been effortful, but these newly acquired insights, sensibilities, and thoughts have been effortless steps toward a greater state of awareness. These past few days I have had several awkward or mystical occurrences, which were almost immediately confirmed as “real” or “valid” in a later moment.
I have been led to adopt new beliefs, which seem to be a prerequisite to existing beyond the mirror. I am very sure that there is much to be experienced beyond the mirrors of this physical realm. By “beyond” I mean seeing past an image or through, within, or behind it. Yet, also seeing it as it is. And I mean “is” in the fullest sense. I am both blessed and burdened. Now that I know, or am at the beginning of knowing, I must act or be eternally un …
I was born today.
Just now.
Just now.
Just now.
Just now.
Just now.
Mixed emotion
Contrived commotion
Natural struggle
Lead-filled sacks
On non-burdened backs
Finding the time to love
In the midst of chaos
It birthed us, nourishes us
We live in it and for it
If we were free
We’d fight for the freedom
To recreate it.
Who’s your master?
Your dreams of disaster
Nightmares of freedom
Fantasies of fantasies
Which you claim we have no time for
Because we’re being choked?
Well, what if time ceased to be time?
How would that affect your tomorrows of freedom?
Where would that leave us, today?
Would you then find the time to inhale and exhale
And wear those hands around your neck
As a necklace, accessorizing your
Newfound suit of
Mixed emotion
Contrived commotion …
… infinity
How can I escape this cycle?
Must I turn with the world
In the direction it dictates?
Am I the wind’s slave?
As instruments come to life with breath
The wind sends my high notes
To indigo communions
With Coltrane’s Favorite Things
This is my body, which is given for you
This is my blood which is shed for you
My love, like the wind, uncaged,
Blows time into timeless whirlpools
Transfiguring fear and all of its subordinates
(possession, fear, jealousy)
into crumbling dried leaves
My love is the winds slave
and, thus, is free
my love is the wind that is shaped
as it passes through the lips of earthly vessels
becoming words of wisdom
songs of freedom or simply hot air
my love is the wind’s song:
if it is up to me, I’ll never die
if it is up to me, I’ll die tomorrow
one thousand times in an hour
and live seven minutes later.
If it’s up to me, the sun will never
Cease to shine and the moon will
Never cease to glow
And I’ll dance a million tomorrows
In the sun rays of the moon waves
And bathe in the yesterdays
Of days to come
ignoring all of my afterthoughts
And pre-conceived notions.
If it is up to me, it is up to me.
And, thus, is my love
Untainted, eternal.
The wind is the moon’s imagination
wandering.
It seeps through cracks, explores the unknown,
Ripples the grass.
My love is my soul’s imagination.
How do I love thee?
Imagine
And will I now forget everything that I have read? Will I not now attempt to actualize the glimpses of a higher reality that I have experienced? What did Siddhartha teach me? And Azaro? And all of the other spirit children? And the insights? Have they not all laid the groundwork for this new de/con/st...