Love and Loneliness at Work

An Inspirational Guide for Consultants, Leaders and Other Professionals

Birgitte Bonnerup, Annemette Hasselager

• Editorial: Routledge
• Año: 2019
• ISBN:
  9780429851087
• Edición: 1
• Categoría: Psychology
• Categoría: Industrial & Organizational Psychology

Love and loneliness, in both their presence and absence, are key aspects of our lives – including our working lives.

Love and Loneliness at Work offers an accessible and practical starting point for understanding the connections between emotions, individual working life and organizations, focusing on love and loneliness. The book begins with an engaging chapter-length case study that illuminates the themes discussed. Taking a psychodynamic perpective, Bonnerup and Hasselager examine love and how it influences our feelings about tasks, organizations and participation, as well as uniquely exploring pairs in working life. The book explores loneliness as an inner state of mind, as an aspect of the professional role and as a group dynamic experience, and assesses the psychological burden of feeling lonely in an organization. Bonnerup and Hasselager also provide an overview of key theoretical concepts, including the unconscious, anxiety, libido, projective processes, and the concepts of inner and outer self, providing the tools required to examine, understand and work with the emotional strength and vulnerability of an organization.

This book provides unique insights into how understanding these feelings can help leaders, decision makers and employees contribute to healthier and happier workplaces. It will be an essential guide for coaches in practice and in training, as well as leaders and managers, human resources (HR) and learning and development (L&D) professionals and consultants within organizations seeking to expand their understanding of organizational dynamics. With its strong theoretical base, it will also be of interest to academics and students of coaching, coaching psychology, psychodynamic consulting, organizational psychology, leadership and management and organizational change, and to anyone seeking an insight into the emotional dynamics of working life.

Chapter 1

Love and loneliness at Food for Fridays

In summer 1978, lightning strikes in Vittorio’s life. Vittorio is Italian. He lives where he has always lived, with his family, as the beloved eldest son of Marco and Bianca, both of whom missed him desperately while he was away in Milan studying to become an agronomist. Thankfully he returned home and joined the family business. That is, until lightning struck. Lightning in the form of Laura, a leggy, curly-headed blonde from Denmark. Vittorio fell head over heels in love with the neighbour’s Danish au-pair. He was so smitten that he joined her in Denmark when her time as an au-pair was up, and they had four children in rapid succession, the first before they even got married. No big deal. Times were changing, in Denmark those sorts of formalities were of little significance, they were in love, and Vittorio would do anything to make the leggy, curly-headed blonde happy. Even if it meant walking to the moon and back on crutches. What he did do was found a company: Food for Fridays, which combined his own passion for food and business with a way to provide for his family, as any man should, in Vittorio’s opinion, women’s lib and topless sunbathing notwithstanding.

Based on his love of Italian food and his knowledge of quality produce and agricultural production, he and Laura began to import food from Italy. Initially, they focused on products from his home region in Italy, which he sold to restaurants. That went surprisingly well. His little kitchen-table business turned a nice profit in its first year, Vittorio was encouraged and soon established an official office in the city. A particular point in his favour was that he was among the first to spot the business potential in organic food and sustainable production methods. A growing general focus on food, organic living, health and quality produce provided good growth conditions for Food for Fridays, and Vittorio knew how to make the most of this opportunity.

Vittorio was business-savvy, and back in Italy, his mama used her powers of persuasion and insistent charm to make good deals in the local area for the delivery of quality food products from his home region to Copenhagen, soon also to the greater North Zealand region and, in a few years’ time, to much of Scandinavia. It was a huge undertaking, and Vittorio spent many hours working; perhaps too many hours. He often stayed up late, working at the kitchen table, after the rest of the family had gone to bed. In that situation, he loved his company, his order book, keeping his customers happy – and willing them to order a little more. He loved the sight of a full order book and seeing the money roll in at a steady rate, and the company was growing faster than their four children. In some ways, it was almost easier and more rewarding to run the company than to be a father and a husband. Back in Italy, mama was worried: ‘You work too much, you’ll be a dull husband, you’ll die young, you’ll get cancer because you’re always working,’ she would tell him when they met in Italy. Eventually, Laura was fed up with the long hours and the short fuse that was also part of the package. Vittorio was quick to anger. After a long, serious conversation late one night, Vittorio realized that it was not just a possibility but an absolute necessity to find some partners for the company, partners to share the responsibility and the workload.

Vittorio knew Carl from the business, trusted him, liked his personality, which in many ways complemented Vittorio’s dynamic but also quick-tempered and emotional style with a solid, down-to-earth demeanour that Vittorio found both fascinating and sometimes annoying. Rita became the third partner: systematic and phlegmatic, she not only excelled at accounting and budgeting but also had good business sense and was a strong and reliable worker. There was no way anyone would ever exhaust Rita’s energy, Vittorio sometimes thought, wondering to himself what she did during her limited spare time. Vittorio, Carl and Rita made a good trio. The company grew even bigger, was consolidated and generated good earnings. Vittorio was a happier and more satisfied husband and father, and he was pleased in the knowledge that whatever happened, he had made sure he would always own at least a 52% share of the company. He was happy to share the responsibility and to exchange ideas, but he was not going to give up the final say. After all, he was the one who had founded the company and built it up.

By spring 2006, the outlook was less optimistic. Vittorio, Rita, Carl and the employees of Food for Fridays all saw the way things were going. It was clear to anyone that the market for quality food was getting crowded, which was eating into both their turnover and their profits. Although they had a well-established market position, they were aware of the need to expand. Vittorio sometimes missed his early start-up days, when he still worked at the kitchen table, knew every detail of his business and saw a direct link between orders and earnings. Things were getting a little boring, and thus, for a variety of reasons it was time to come up with something new.

Whether it was really new, was debatable. But to Food for Fridays it was new. They decided to get into importing organic quality wines from Italy – where else?

Since none of them knew much about wine or the wine business, they chose to hire Ethan, a young man of only 24, whom Vittorio had a good feeling about. They had met while Ethan was working in a competing company, and now Vittorio saw a chance to both weaken his competitor and add a good employee to his staff. Ethan’s condition was that he was made partner right away. No trial period, no requirement of earning the privilege. Partner or nothing. Vittorio saw the demand as a reflection of Ethan’s business savvy and confidence, while Carl and Rita saw it as manipulation and an inflated ego. They were both annoyed that this upstart, who had no share in the making the company what it was today was made partner just like that. But he was. As with so many other issues, Vittorio had his way.

Ethan worked very hard for the first few years. He knew from the outset that it was going to be an uphill slog and a tough nut to crack, to establish Food for Fridays on the Danish wine market, but he liked the freedom and the courage he received from Vittorio and Food for Fridays. Moreover, he had felt flattered by Vittorio’s offer, by the trust he was shown. A tough but also an exciting challenge. He was well aware that it was a market with many suppliers and a tough competition on price. The company’s ambition was not, after all, to be the leading supplier for Mr and Mrs Jones’s everyday habit; they would leave that to the supermarket chains. Their focus was on quality organic wine. A niche market with a limited supply, and even the most passionate eco-enthusiasts were not going to put up with sour-tasting wine at elevated prices. Ethan was sure it would work out; although he was young in years, he had experience, contacts and a nose for wine. However, after a few years of negative earnings he was less confident. Was it really a good business? And was Italy – hand on heart – really the best country for organic wine production? Food for Fridays was under pressure from New Zealand wine growers who had both capacity and experience in their favour.

Ethan thought about suggesting importing New Zealand wines. Strictly speaking, it was not written in stone that Food for Fridays could only import Italian products. But for some reason he never seemed to get around to raising the issue at the management meetings. It would be like suggesting installing urinals in a nunnery. Unthinkable. The wine import was struggling to get off the ground. The competition was cut-throat, and even though Ethan and the staff he had built worked hard, for the first few years they took losses. Ethan took it up with Vittorio, who encouraged him to keep pushing. Vittorio tried to reassure him that the company was well situated to handle the losses, and that he, Vittorio, appreciated Ethan’s efforts. In recent years, the situation had improved slightly, but Ethan felt bad about not being able to deliver a better result. It began to eat at him; he felt that he was unsuccessful at work, that in contrast to the good story that Food for Fridays had always been, he was deadweight, a non-contributor. He felt all alone with his worries, and when he was in a particularly dark mood, he felt that he did not deserve his generous salary or his share in the annual profits. He tried repeatedly to bring up his concerns at the management meetings, but he could never get through to the others. It was as if they could not and would not hear his point. When her mood was particularly sour, Rita would more than suggest that Ethan was a drain to the rest of the team and to the company. Although Vittorio tried to admonish her, Ethan was left with a growing sense of loneliness.

A few years after Ethan had joined the company, Fabio joined the management team. Fabio was Vittorio’s eldest son, and he and Ethan were almost the same age. Fabio and Ethan became friends. The age difference was negligible, they loved going out together, and Fabio’s cheerful demeanour and high energy was contagious. Fabio put Ethan’s worries about the wine import into a more realistic perspective. ‘There’s plenty of money,’ Fabio might say, ‘and with your nose for wine, we’ll crack that market wide open, just look at all those families in the posh part of town – they’re going to want organic wine, it’s a no-brainer.’ Without saying so directly, Fabio was aware that Ethan was a good friend because he was stable and reliable, and because his calm demeanour and his ability to stay true to one woman were abilities Fabio could admire, although he could never match them. Ethan’s relationship with Carl and Rita was less personal. And after all, he could understand it if his close relationship with Vittorio and Fabio – and, in fact, with the rest of the Italian–Danish family – might spark jealousy.

Fabio was very interested in the company, but he was not that keen on having a management role. He possessed his father’s infectious mood and his energetic and vivacious personality, and he was great at connecting with suppliers and business partners. It was hard not to like Fabio. Fabio certainly thought so. Food for Fridays needed Fabio’s many connections and his ability to develop loyal suppliers. A few years after Ethan and Fabio had joined the management team, mama had passed away at a ripe old age, and Vittorio’s father soon followed. The death of Vittorio’s parents meant that Food for Fridays was at risk of losing its best and most important suppliers, unless someone else could take over the task of developing and maintaining contacts and agreements in Italy. Fabio took over, and he did an excellent job. The others just had to put up with the fact that he came and went as he pleased, that he might lack focus during management meetings, paying more attention to text messages, Twitter and Instagram, and that he was reluctant to get involved in difficulties in the company that were not directly related to him and his area of responsibility. Fabio built connections and maintained relations – an indispensable role – but management was not his strong suit.

Fabio and Ethan suggested to Vittorio and the other two partners that they hire a marketing and communication manager to take care of the large and growing task of marketing, e-commerce and communication via social media. They knew Catherine personally, a smart and responsible woman with excellent skills in this field. Catherine was hired and did her best in her position.

Viewed from the outside, and judged by the business results, most things in the company were going pretty well at this point, despite a difficult market. What was not going well at all was the management meetings. It was very difficult to make the management team and the meetings function. When they met, it felt as if all the energy had been sucked out the room. Inefficient and demoralizing. Boring, a waste of time, like dancing in molten tar. This is how Ethan experienced the meetings: Fabio was often a little late. If the mood was tense, or things got difficult, Vittorio would make rash decisions that were not quite clear to the others. As if he mostly just wanted to get out of there, escape the difficult situation. There is no doubt that Vittorio was committed, but he was not being very professional. Carl did not say much, he had grown terse and withdrawn in recent years, and Ethan found it increasingly difficult to see how Carl contributed – or that he was earning his keep. It was beginning to grate on Ethan. Rita could be emotional and erratic. Some days she would align herself with Vittorio’s opinions in an almost kittenish way; on other occasions, she was feisty and sometimes rude and simplistic in her assessments. Her ire was mostly directed at Catherine, occasionally at Carl and never at Fabio. Initially, it was not directed at Ethan either, but later, he too felt her wrath. Catherine was loyal to the core, stable, hardworking, reliable. However, Ethan knew from Fabio that she was beginning to complain to him that she did not feel she was being appreciated in the same way as the others. An accurate observation.

In 2010, the men’s lifestyle magazine Manly came out with a theme issue on men and food, with a special focus on the meeting of Italy and Scandinavia. Food for Fridays featured prominently in the issue and even made the front page. The portrait highlighted Fabio as the future CEO of Food for Fridays. The coverage was excellent, the advertising effect was priceless, and there were mouth-watering pictures of the food – in fact, of Fabio too, who looked pretty good in the stylish photos. Ethan was not blind to the fact that the article might spark both jealousy and irritation, but what he did not get was why Vittorio, who was normally so proud of his son, had never mentioned the article with a single word; nor had Fabio. It was Laura, Fabio’s mother, who had shown Ethan the article. She was proud and showed it to everyone she talked to.

Based on the article, Food for Fridays had contacted another company for the delivery of high-quality gift baskets with Italian delicacies and organic wine, and later the new client had asked whether Food for Fridays would be able to deliver products to their canteen. This was a new area for Food for Fridays, which so far had focused on retail, but they decided to give it a chance. The article in Manly had led directly to this opportunity, and it turned out that Catherine’s sense of new trends and Ethan’s flair for quality wine and food combined to enable Food for Fridays to add yet another strong business area to the company’s portfolio.

Vittorio was pushing 60, and the company, in its current construction was nearing its 30th anniversary. Vittorio had decided to celebrate the event as ‘the 90-year birthday.’ Without giving anyone a heads-up, he was also planning to announce the order of succession in the company. It would come as no surprise to anyone that he was going to put his first-born son at the helm of the company and make himself the head of the board. However, his plan to make Ethan an equal director, with a 25% ownership share, that would probably come as a surprise.

Vittorio’s 60th birthday would mark a generational change at Food for Fridays. In a mix of melancholy, forethought and competitiveness, Vittorio had decided to hold a leadership development day facilitated by an external consultant. One of his business associates had recommended it, and Vittorio did not want to appear backwards; if his friends were embracing the modern times and holding leadership development seminars, Food for Fridays would follow suit. Maybe he also thought that it would be nice to have a day where everyone had the opportunity to express how grateful and delighted they were to be part of the management team at Food for Fridays.

At the consultant’s suggestion, each member of the management was to prepare for the seminar by writing a speech to Vittorio, as if it were a speech they would give at his birthday party. The speech would be used at the seminar to reflect on Food for Fridays, the management task and the internal cooperation in the team. The speech had to include a personal assessment and observations on the joys and sorrows associated with working at Food for Fridays.

It is now the weekend before the seminar, and the members of the management team are preparing their speeches.

Ethan sits in his study at home. His wife and three kids have gone to the public swimming pool, so he has a couple of hours to himself to prepare. But he is at a loss. It is a strange assignment. He looks at the blank sheet of paper. The empty screen. He has long been thinking about changing jobs, going into business for himself. He has put out some feelers, it could work. On the other hand, Food for Fridays was still a great place to work with strong personalities and room to express them. He and Fabio have had a good working relationship for many years. As different as night and day – yet similar. Fabio, the ladies’ man, with a string of affairs; Ethan, married to his high school sweetheart. Fabio is charming, he could sell sand in the Sahara and bottles of chlorinated water in a swimming pool. Ethan has a nose for business, timing, deals – he is good at making others shine and feel good. But he is always second to Fabio. And a little tired of playing second fiddle. He loves working with Fabio – and he hates it. The management meetings – that is a separate story: every single meeting is a mix of boring discussions about details, people showing up late, complete stagnation. Whenever Ethan argues in favour of something, Vittorio will look at him – and then often proceed to make the opposite decision of what Ethan is advocating. The pattern is becoming so settled that Ethan is able to have his way simply by arguing for the opposite of what he really wants. He cannot possibly bring any of that up at the seminar, but Ethan is confused. Why does his friendship with Fabio sometimes feel like animosity? Ethan feels that Fabio is too old to come and go as he pleases. It’s all fine being man of the hour in Manly, but Food for Fridays is a workplace. The youthful charm will eventually fade, he ought to grow up and take responsibility for the business and all the employees who rely on Food for Fridays. What he might be able to address at the seminar is his relationship with Vittorio. He still feels a deep sense of gratitude to Vittorio, who is almost like a second father to him. Someone who believed in Ethan and never stopped believing in him, despite the setbacks. In recent years, though, his relationship with Vittorio has become less important than his relationship with the other managers. Ethan peeks again at an email with an offer of a very lucrative deal on a large consignment of wine from New Zealand, a basis for starting his own company, a good deal for Food for Fridays?

Fabio has a hangover. Just said goodbye to the flavour of the week. Sweet girl, maybe it’s time to settle down and raise a family? Mom would be pleased, and he was not going to stay young forever. Sitting with his feet on the coffee table and his Mac in his lap. Bloody h…, what is he going to write? He considers being ruthlessly honest. Pointing out that Ethan is becoming a bit of a problem. A pedantic stick-in-the-mud. They had been a good team in the early years, when Ethan had more guts, and before he took a BA in Organization and became all structured and dull. Ethan tends to forget that his kind is ten a penny, whereas he, Fabio, is unique. Indispensable to the company. Client relations was not all fun and games, and frankly speaking, maybe Ethan was simply jealous of his opportunities? Of the cool article in Manly? Of his ability to drum up new business – and, sure, new women? By the way, he was thoroughly fed up with the other directors and especially with the meetings in the management team. They were largely a waste of time, and he mostly showed up to give Vittorio peace of mind. When it was his turn, the meetings would be different. They would all be conducted standing up, limited to 30 minutes max, and all decisions would have to be made on the spot. Maybe it was time for Rita and Carl to think about early retirement? He decides to improvise at the seminar, preparation is a waste of time, seminars are a waste of time. He gets up and makes himself an espresso in the kitchen.

Catherine has sat down in a café to do her writing. She has reserved the evening to write the text for the seminar, an assignment from some clever consultant. Difficult. Catherine is scared. Scared of losing her job, scared of not speaking up enough at the management meetings, scared of speaking up too much. The other day she had overheard Carl speaking to Rita referring to Catherine as ‘the angora stalker.’ Not funny. She is thinking about looking for another job, does not feel that her qualifications are being appreciated. She was asked to join Food for Fridays because she was good at marketing and communication. And frankly – if she had not been on her toes they would never have begun delivering gift baskets, let alone canteen food. It was not her idea, but she was instrumental in making the deal possible. The stable player who made the clients feel confident in picking Food for Fridays as a supplier of quality products. Shortly, she is going to write about how exciting it is to be part of the team at Food for Fridays, so the others can see how much she has to offer whe...

Índice

• Cover
• Half Title
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Table of Contents
• Introduction
• 1. Love and loneliness at Food for Fridays
• 2. Love
• 3. Loneliness
• 4. Theory
• Index