The Art of Dialogue in Coaching

Towards Transformative Exchange

Reinhard Stelter

• Editorial: Routledge
• Año: 2018
• ISBN:
  9781351006521
• Edición: 1
• Categoría: Psicología
• Categoría: Psicología industrial y organizacional

Henley Business School's Coaching Book of the Year 2019!

In The Art of Dialogue in Coaching, Reinhard Stelter invites readers to engage in transformative and fruitful dialogues in everyday working life, and provides the theory and tools for them to be able to do so.

Presented in three parts, the book provides a complete overview of the importance of dialogue and how it can be utilised. PartI, Theoretical basis, examines third-generation coaching as a collaborative dialogue form, the societal context of the coaching process and the concept of identity in modern society. Part II, Basic themes of fruitful dialogue, examines meaning-making, value and the narrative perspective, and their significance in creating a new dialogue culture. Finally, Part III, Reflections on dialogue practice, explores the art of being a supporting dialogue guide, drawing on a number of theoretical perspectives and focusing on developing relational competencies. Stelter emphasises that taking the time to linger opens new possibilities for fundamental self-insight, and clearly explains how dialogue provides us with a framework for acting in the world with personal integrity.

The Art of Dialogue in Coaching will be an essential guide for coaches in practice and in training, coaching psychologists and professionals with a coaching role, including mentors, consultants and leaders. In particular, it will appeal to those looking to conduct dialogue as an art form, enhancing their work as a co-creative and collaborative guide.

Part I
Theoretical basis

In the following three chapters I seek to develop a basic understanding of what is going on in society and of the potential role of third-generation coaching and other sustainable, fruitful and transformative dialogues for the individual and for our personal and professional interactions. Transformative dialogues are conversations that develop our identity. The purpose of these dialogues is to challenge the self-perception, worldview and values of the dialogue partner (or partners) looking for help. Transformative dialogues are sustainable and fruitful because they provide a basis for improving the person’s long-term ability to handle the major challenges presented by today’s society.

The following three chapters outline a theoretical basis for understanding the special role of dialogue in relation to societal changes and their impact on individual identity development:

In Chapter 1 I outline the fundamentals of third-generation coaching as a specific dialogue form. In this chapter I also address the justified criticism that has been directed at certain types of coaching over the years. Not all conversations and dialogue forms will be helpful for a given person. It is important to understand both the social and the organizational context of the conversation. Coaching should be viewed as a way to lead fruitful and transformative dialogues.

In Chapter 2 I examine the societal context of the coaching process. We live in a burnout society where stress is fast becoming the most prevalent cause of sick leave. In this context it is important to build a dialogue culture that breaks with the prevailing agenda of expecting people to take on ever-greater workloads and live up to growing performance requirements. Third-generation coaching is intended as a fruitful and transformative dialogue that aims to reintroduce the art of lingering in the moment.

In Chapter 3 I address the concept of identity as a key topic in today’s society. The conditions of the modern world have shaken us to our core. The need to deal with the constant flow of information and to navigate in a network of social relations makes it ever harder for us to prioritize. The dream of living an authentic life often has to remain just that, a dream, due to the power discourse that determines our social behaviour. The concept of heteroenticity – the ability to relate to oneself through the other – is introduced as a means of leading sustainable, fruitful and transformative dialogues.

Chapter 1
Third-generation coaching as sustainable, fruitful dialogue

Key navigation points

In this chapter I address some current positions that reflect a critical view of coaching. I elaborate on the coaching concept and clam the necessary reorientation towards coaching as an open, fruitful and transformative dialogue. With this, I address justified points of criticism by presenting third-generation coaching as a dialogue format that offers an innovative option for people who need to find themselves as a crucial condition for being able to survive the pressures we face, as individuals, in today’s society. I outline the key characteristics of third-generation coaching, define and describe its purpose and lay out the foundation for an understanding of coaching as a special form of co-creative dialogue.

Experience with third-generation coaching and relevant points of criticism

Throughout my many years of work with coaching I have increasingly realized how important it is for the coach to be a fellow human being and a co-creative partner in the dialogue. Coaching should not be limited to a performance-oriented and goal-driven agenda. An ethically sound dialogue framework has to be shaped in accordance with the dialogue partner’s own agenda and readiness. In a world where we are leading increasingly isolated lives, and where we are often left to fend for ourselves to meet the demands we face, it is crucial that we establish a meaningful counterweight in the form of analogue social venues and communities with room for fruitful conversation – where no one feels that they have to say something in order to earn ‘likes’. We need to rediscover the art of lingering in dialogue.

My main ambition with this book is to present coaching as a sustainable dialogue form. The term ‘sustainable’ was carefully chosen, and in this context it carries the following meaning: ultimately, the dialogue partner (the coachee or focus person) should be liberated from the dialogue guide (the coach) by discovering his or her standpoint and rootedness in a set of personal values. The dialogue should always support the individual’s search for personal meaning and thus promote a framework and an integrity that help the person ‘be him/herself’, ‘find him/herself’ or – to quote Kierkegaard – ‘choose himself’ .¹ Naturally, however, this individual quest should always unfold in interaction with others. At a time when individuals are increasingly losing control over their own lives and lacking a sense of being rooted in stable and enduring social relationships, interpersonal dialogues should serve to enhance the individual’s identity and self-concept – given the awareness that the self does not exist as a stable core self but develops in the contexts of our social engagements with others and in the dynamics of our relationships.

My colleague Svend Brinkmann pursues a similar ambition in his much-debated book Stand Firm, published in 2017. He too is an advocate of allowing people to be themselves and find themselves. Brinkmann’s ideas have provoked both uncertainty and anger among professional therapists, coaches and mindfulness instructors. He even proposed seven guidelines for life, one of which was ‘Sack your coach!’.² The ensuing debate clearly showed that many misunderstood Brinkmann’s agenda, which takes aim squarely at today’s prevailing demand for people to embrace permanent change. Brinkmann lends a hand to people who are willing to do anything to keep up with development and who are thus at risk of burning out. He offers an alternative. And he has a point! As long as coaches offer to help their clients pursue the ill-conceived desire to ‘keep up’ at all costs, they should be sacked. Such a narrow focus on goals and performance is not helpful. We need to rediscover the art of lingering in dialogue – for our own sake and for the sake of those around us!

Dialogue as shared meaning-making

The agenda of third-generation coaching³ is to offer a space for reflection where the coach and the focus person together can search for the meaning of life or find meaning in certain events or situations that the focus person is involved in. In many cases, the answer does not lie within the individual him/herself, but in the relationship – in the interaction and dialogue between two people or, in group coaching, in the larger group. In a comment acknowledging the merits of Brinkmann’s book, I have been quoted as follows:

Sometimes one needs to return to oneself, engaging in a reflection process in order to find out who one is. So, coaching has a new agenda now. It is not only supposed to move people, it should also tell them where they are, in order to give them a sense of certainty and a basic understanding of themselves.⁴

It is in dialogues, in interactions with another or others, that we become who we are. Martin Buber⁵ wrote: ‘Through the Thou a man becomes I’. In a society that is increasingly individualized, where people often struggle alone to survive, we need to develop solidarity and a form of dialogue that strengthens both or all interlocutors.

First-generation coaching has its roots in sport. Its focus is on goals and problems. Second-generation coaching revolves around possible solutions and appreciative dialogues and is rooted in systemic and social-constructionist theory.⁶ These coaching approaches still offer much that we can use today. Times have changed, however, and we need to rethink coaching fundamentally. That is even happening in the world of sport, where the focus is shifting away from an exclusive emphasis on results and towards shaping development and strong performances in a good environment, in cooperation with coaches with insight into human nature.⁷ Coaching with an exclusive focus on specific goals that aims to solve individual problems by boosting the person’s skills and performance capacity may result in a sense of inadequacy and, ultimately, in stress and despair. Workplace performance standards – our own and others’ – can sometimes seem inhumane and overwhelming. The individualization of complex issues in the workplace that is often a part of traditional coaching promotes ‘dangerous leadership’.⁸ With its focus on specific personal goals first-generation coaching, in particular, is unsuited as a dialogue form for leaders or managers in relation to their staff. With reference to Ole Fogh Kirkeby I have always warned against leaders abusing coaching as a form of intimate technology.⁹ Second-generation coaching also perpetuates the concept of untapped resources in dialogue partner that need to be mobilized. The co-creative perspective is missing. In the first two generations of coaching, the coach is a more or less neutral dialogue facilitator. In third-generation coaching, the coach becomes an engaged fellow human companion. That is the only way for human beings to meet in a shared space based on empathy and solidarity.

I invite you, the reader, to share a dream with me of leading dialogues that enrich both parties. Naturally, one of the parties, often referred to as ‘the coach’, has a special responsibility for driving the dialogue forward – a professional responsibility to be a good dialogue guide. The coach should also be willing to empathize with the dialogue partner’s life world by showing understanding, acceptance and empathy. The coach can provide direction for the conversation and ensure progress by entering his or her own experiences into the dialogue, engaging as a fellow human being by attuning with and providing feedback to the dialogue partner.

In Figures 1.1 and 1.2 I attempt to outline the differences between three different dialogue forms. Figure 1.1 describes the difference between an every-day conversation about something and a coaching conversation based on first- or second-generation coaching. Figure 1.2 presents third-generation coaching as a basis for transformative, fruitful and genuine dialogues (the concept of a ‘genuine’ dialogue refers to the dialogue philosopher Martin Buber; he describes the dialogue as a meeting between two human beings aimed at inviting oneself and the other into a conversation on a deep, existential level). Many coaching conversations will rely on an interactive mix of the three generations of coaching with the purpose of promoting one’s third-generation coaching ambition. The two figures may help coaches and other dialogue guides become more aware of their intention in a given conversation. When I speak of transformative, fruitful and genuine dialogues, the ambition is clearly related to the dialo...

Índice

• Cover
• Half Title
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Table of Contents
• Preface
• Acknowledgements
• Part I Theoretical basis
• Part II Basic themes of fruitful dialogues
• Part III Reflections on dialogue practice
• Concluding reflections
• References
• Index of names
• Index