The Art of Enough

7 ways to build a balanced life and a flourishing world

Becky Hall

• Editore: Practical Inspiration Publishing
• Anno: 2021
• ISBN:
  9781788602884
• Argomento: Personal Development
• Categoria: Personal Success

***THE PEOPLE'S BOOK PRIZE 2022/23 SHORTLISTED TITLE***

Ever feel like you aren't Enough? Overwhelmed by too many demands?

Concerned about over-consumption and the climate crisis

You're not alone. The Art of Enough is the challenge of our age.

In a world full of pressure to be more, do more and consume more, this practical guidebook will help you find your own version of Enough. Enough is a springboard for self-belief, a healthy work pace and sustainable living, so you can move from striving to thriving.

Weaving together ideas, stories and practices, The Art of Enough offers seven ways to ease away from the pull of scarcity and excess, towards flourishing with Enough; finding the balance and boundaries we all need for ourselves and for our world.

Becky Hall is a coach, facilitator and speaker and has worked for over 20 years with teams, organizations and leaders, helping busy people all over the world create their own Art of Enough.

'If you want to have a better life and to make the world a better place then you must read this book. It is wise and practical and beautifully easy to read, everybody should read it'
Charles Handy, bestselling author of The Empty Raincoat and The Second Curve.

PART 1

THE ART OF BEING ENOUGH

ART 1: ENOUGH MINDSET

SOURCE YOUR THINKING FROM ABUNDANCE

The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitude of mind. If you can change your mind, you can change your life.¹

William James

In Art 1, we will explore the mindset of Enough. For some, not being Enough can manifest as the well-known phenomenon of imposter syndrome; for others, it might be a feeling of inadequacy around not being worthy, or clever or kind – the list goes on. We will be looking at how we can move our mindset from one of Scarcity or Excess to Enough – sourcing our thinking from abundance.

We will explore:

• the power of mindset;

• the Scarcity Mindset – the fear of not Enough;

• the Excess Mindset – the fear of too much;

• the Enough Mindset – trust in abundance;

• how to identify your mindset;

• how to re-set.

THE POWER OF MINDSET

John is looking straight at me, through tear-filled eyes.

The thing is, Becky, I just don’t understand how I am doing this job, and I am constantly worried that I’m not up to the task. I feel like a fake the whole time – just pretending to do what I’m doing and waiting until I’m found out. I feel like a kid dressed up in a man’s suit, and I’m terrified nearly all of the time.

My client is the CEO of a highly successful legal firm, who has built it up to double the size in the past three years. When I remind him of this fact, he merely responds, ‘Well, there was a lot of luck in that. And now the shareholders want me to grow it even more, and I just don’t think I’m good enough if I’m honest. I feel like a sham.’

John is far from alone. Have you ever felt that you are not good enough? That it’s a fluke that you have your job, and you have to work really hard so people don’t find out that you shouldn’t really be doing whatever it is you are doing? I know I have. Sometimes when I’m about to do something – even something that I have done many times before – I can hear a little voice in my head saying, ‘How on earth did little old me get to be doing this? What do I know?!’ This is fine if it’s a moment in time – nerves before a big event. ‘What if I trip over / forget my lines / say the wrong thing?’ It keeps us humble and real and in the moment. What is more concerning for any of us is when this voice presides over everything that we do.

Whenever I mention the Art of Enough, it is the ‘not good enough’ phrase that first provokes people’s interest. I get smiles of recognition – or even responses like – ‘OMG yes! I never feel good enough!’ It would appear that for many people, across many walks of life, feeling good enough requires work. Imposter syndrome is a real issue for so many of us, and nearly everyone I talk to has experienced a version of it. And of course, it’s not only ‘good’ enough that people recognize. Each of us has our own version of what we lack. For some, it may be not knowing enough, others not being strong enough, or correct enough, or successful enough, or creative enough, or clear enough, or experienced enough, or energetic enough, or acceptable enough. What these all have in common is the inner belief that, somehow, we are lacking what we need to be Enough.

Our underlying inner beliefs shape who we are, what we do and what we allow ourselves to be capable of. In my coaching practice, I see over and over again that what clients hold as core beliefs about themselves and the world, can fundamentally limit or enable who they are and what they do in the world. What you believe becomes crucially defining – if you are living from a belief that you are not Enough then you will constantly be trying to re-balance that by over-compensating in other ways. If you believe that the world is a hostile place or lacks the resources to give you what you need, then it will affect how you interact with it.

It was Carol Dweck who coined the term ‘mindset’.² Dweck, a psychologist, has spent her career researching the way in which our beliefs about our capability influence how successful we are at achieving our goals and overcoming challenges. For Dweck, ‘mindsets frame the running account that’s taking place in people’s heads. They guide the whole interpretation process.’

Dweck identified two mindsets in particular that define how people approach life: ‘growth mindset’ and ‘fixed mindset’. A fixed mindset is one in which people believe that their skills, intelligence and capabilities are finite – a resource which they have no control over, and which can be compared favourably or unfavourably with others. It is this mindset that leads us to judge ourselves lacking. Dweck’s research found that ‘the fixed mindset creates an urgency to prove yourself over and over.’

A growth mindset, on the other hand, is one in which we believe that our basic qualities – our skills, capabilities, intelligence – are a starting point from which we can grow. With this mindset, we believe that we can grow and develop, learn from our mistakes and from what we’ve done well, and allow others to help us. A difficult scenario or setback is thought of as a challenge rather than a limitation. It is not that we are incapable; we simply might require a different approach. Marcel Proust summed this up beautifully when he wrote, ‘the real act of discovery consists not in finding new lands, but in seeing with new eyes.’³ Rather than seeing a setback as insurmountable, we look beyond it to see where a solution could lie.

Here’s an example of what this can look like in practice. I was coaching an extremely talented young woman who told me, ‘I couldn’t possibly apply for that job; I don’t have all the experience.’ We talked about mindsets and I invited her to apply a growth mindset – the possibility of thinking beyond the problem. She moved from focusing on herself as inadequate to focusing on the purpose of the role and what she could contribute. This led her to, ‘I know I adapt quickly and am really good at engaging people, which is, I think, what this role is looking for. Maybe I’ll give it a shot.’

If, as Dweck says, mindsets frame our interpretation process, they are an important factor for us to consider in our search for the Art of Enough. How can we re-balance our view that we are not Enough, or that life demands too much? Looking at the Art of Enough model, we see that Enough is finely balanced between Scarcity and Excess. What mindsets lie underneath each of them? And what defines the Enough Mindset that we are looking for? Let’s unpack them.

THE SCARCITY MINDSET – THE FEAR OF NOT ENOUGH

The underlying belief of a Scarcity Mindset is that all resources are finite – scarce – and there is a fear that they will run out. It is akin to Dweck’s fixed mindset, but goes beyond a belief about our own abilities and draws on a wider belief about the world; that all resources will run out and not replenish. Ironically, this can lead us to hoarding and accumulating more, which exacerbates the problem, because when we take too much it creates a negative spiral. Resources become unevenly allocated, the system tips out of balance and our sense of Scarcity is reinforced.

A Scarcity Mindset is fear based and therefore triggers fear responses: fight (for resources); flight (we run away, not able to face the fear that is presenting itself); or freeze (paralysed by a sense of what we lack). When we are coming from this mindset, nothing is ever Enough. Nothing. We cannot possibly be Enough and no one else can be either. The world is to be feared and we have to prepare and protect ourselves – we worry, we hoard and we compare.

Personally, I notice when I am in this mindset when my own judgemental voice becomes loud. I start on myself, and then, because I am feeling in deficit of my own resource, I start on others. When I’m in a Scarcity Mindset, my loudest voice is fearful, judgemental and restrictive – ‘I can’t,’ ‘she can’t,’ ‘I shouldn’t,’ ‘they shouldn’t,’ ‘how could we?’ Whenever I hear this voice in my head, or this language spoken by others, I ask the question, ‘Who does the “should” belong to?’

A Scarcity Mindset is also where imposter syndrome resides. Jessamy Hibberd in The Imposter Cure⁴ describes imposter syndrome like this: ‘if you don’t perform to the highest standards, this leads to feelings of shame, anxiety and you wrongly conclude that this reveals something essential about your lack of ability and talent… fear of failure and self-doubt drive the cycle – if you fail, you’re sure to be found out.’ This cycle of trying but being found wanting by an internal belief that you are not good enough can lead to terrible anxiety and have a profound limit on what you do. Hibberd is herself a clinical psychologist, who specializes in working with people suffering from imposter syndrome. What is significant in her work is that she identifies it as something that has its source in what we believe about ourselves – our mindset.

Scarcity is, of course, not just about imposter syndrome: a Scarcity Mindset can lead us to believe that we don’t have Enough of anything. When we start from a deficit position, literally every day can seem full of comparative lack. ‘I don’t do enough exercise,’ ‘I didn’t get enough sleep,’ ‘I don’t have enough time,’ ‘I don’t have enough talent,’ ‘I don’t have a big enough house/car/salary.’ With a Scarcity Mindset, we simply cannot be, do or have Enough of anything. In this place, we compare ourselves with others and we draw on a binary version of the world – they have, so we don’t. They are big – so we are small. We are inadequate and there is not Enough to go around. This mindset sees the world’s resources as a big cake – once it is eaten, it’s gone, and we have to fight for our slice. We are scared that what we have and what others have will run out, or that it was never Enough in the first place.

Another facet of the Scarcity Mindset is a core belief that there is a ‘right’ way to be. A perfect version of being that we cannot ever live up to. I call this the curse of perfectionism. If we believe there is a perfect way to be, then we will always fall short. Never good enough. This can be devastating to our self-image. Perfection is a fantasy, something that is impossible to attain, and as such, can become a stick to beat ourselves with. Living with a Scarcity Mindset comes at a high cost – it can be exhausting to constantly fear not being Enough. And more than that, it robs us of our joy.

AN EXAMPLE OF THE SCARCITY MINDSET AT PLAY

I have written this book during the coronavirus global pandemic. What I noticed in many of the responses to this huge, existential, life-changing threat is how easy it is for us to get drawn into a Scarcity Mindset. The empty shelves in the supermarkets early in the first lockdown were a testament to that. People were driven by fear and reverted to the very primal instinct to protect themselves. It’s all so human – and I’m not immune – none of us are.

When lockdown first happened and everything seemed to be shutting down, I spent hours looking at my business forecast, calculating and re-calculating how long it would be before my business reserves ran out, despite the fact that my work had not in fact dried up. Even though each time I did this, I could reassure myself that I was fine for several months – I just kept going back to doing the same thing. I was stuck in a state of fear. And almost worse than that, I felt unable to connect with others to help me out of this state. It felt shameful and lonely. This was the Scarcity Mindset taking hold, and until I noticed what was going on, I could not begin to make choices to change it.

THE EXCESS MINDSET – THE FEAR OF TOO MUCH

Now, let’s look at the other side of the scales: the Excess Mindset. Here everything is too much. There is too much to do, too much to think about, too much to absorb. We have to protect ourselves from the enc...

Indice dei contenuti

• Cover Page
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Contents
• Introduction: Why we need the Art of Enough
• Part 1: The Art of being Enough
• Part 2: The Art of doing Enough
• Part 3: The Art of having Enough
• Epilogue: Enough Transformation
• Glossary of practices
• Acknowledgements
• Permissions
• Notes and bibliography