DONâT JUST READ IT; USE ITâSHARE IT.
CHAPTER 1
Itâs Not âJust Businessâ
If youâve ever been on the receiving end of this soul-sucking clichĂ©, then you know how the first words of this awful speech begin: âWhat Iâm about to say is not personal . . . itâs just business.â
Iâve suffered through being fired with this lame line more times than I would have liked. When you walk in to a meeting with your boss and youâre surprised to see the head of human resources there as well, youâre not about to get good news. The initial quiet is deafening. You may get a fake opening preamble that masquerades as friendly small talk: âI canât believe that rain today. Did you have as much trouble commuting into work as I did?â Sure, letâs all pretend the roof is not about to come crashing down.
And then comes the âItâs not personalâ routine. Any boss who drops this bomb is unable or unwilling to summon the empathy and compassion needed to fire a person in a dignified way. All of us who have been through this rite of passage know that itâs not only personal, itâs primal. Deep emotional buttons are pushed when somebody strips away your income. A rush of stress begins to rain down and time slows to a crawl as you struggle to absorb the shock.
The worldâs worst opening line is usually followed by a carefully scripted speech about why the judge and jury are about to sentence you to death by firing squad. Youâll know in the first few words whether youâre about to get version 1 or version 2 of what my friend Lee likes to call: âBye bye in the car car.â Version 1 is the âItâs not you, itâs us,â speech. As firing squads go, these bullets still kill, but theyâre far less painful than those discharged in version 2. When the company takes the blame, you donât have to sit there and suffer through all the accusations of what youâve done wrong that led to this fateful moment. In version 1 of the firing speech, the company made the decision to let you go due to their own problems.
The person delivering the firing speech intends for this meeting to end as quickly as possible. You wonât hear a long-winded tale outlining all the factors that led the company to terminate your employment, but you will get at least one specific reason for this final farewell. A few of the most popular old war horses include:
I wish we could have done something to avoid this decision, but the last quarter of business fell far short of what we projected, and itâs going to be impossible to keep you on the payroll right now.
Our new CEO decided to make significant changes to the organization and this involves a restructuring, which eliminates three management positions in our branch, including yours.
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but weâve just learned that our company has been acquired by a private equity firm that has decided to stop manufacturing our entire line of products. They are going to sell off all of our assets. Weâre all getting exit packages, and I need to walk you through the details.
Every example of the âversion 1â speech adds up to the same unhappy ending, with some solace sprinkled on top: âYouâre out, but itâs not your fault.â Version 2 of the firing speech is infinitely worse. In version 2, the liability for the termination is placed on you. It is your fault. The charges will be read in a cold, dead voice making it absolutely clear that a final decision has already been made and nothing you can say will be able to reverse it.
Here are some examples:
Iâm sorry to let you know itâs come to this, but weâve received a number of complaints about your performance from your supervisor and two of your coworkers. They all feel that youâre no longer producing the quality of work that we need to keep you here on the job. We talked to you about this in your last performance review and let you know that if we didnât see more improvement we were going to have to make a change.
I received a very disappointing phone call late last night. Your supervisor called to tell me that weâve just lost a brand-new client due to complete mismanagement of the job you were hired to take on only eight weeks ago. Iâm told that you refused to give us any warning that these people were flying off the rails. We just lost a $1.2 million deal. I have no choice but to tell you that your employment is being terminated immediately.
If youâre in a situation where you think the ax is about to fall, the best thing you can do is summon every ounce of calm, breathe deeply, and do not lose your shit. Resistance is futile. The most important next step after the bomb drops is to maintain the greatest odds of getting the most favorable exit conditions.
In version 2, where youâve been fired for cause, thereâs very little you can do except quickly suck it up and try not to further inflame the exit by freaking out. Youâve lost all leverage to negotiate for much (if anything) while theyâre showing you to the door.
But in Job Loss version 1, your tone of voice is just as important as the carefully chosen words you use to respond. While itâs true that youâve lost the job, itâs possible to gain more assistance and support on the terms of your exit. Surprise the hell out of the person delivering this death sentence by being the about-tobe-fired employee they never saw coming. In the most relaxed and professional voice you can muster (remember, this is for you, not for them), try to prioritize a perfect list of requests. Health care is your number one issue. If your employer was providing health coverage, find out how long they can extend it before your opportunity to purchase COBRA coverage begins. Severance is next. Do everything possible, on your own or with the help of a lawyer, to get the maximum amount of severance before you agree to sign any document to release the employer from liability.
Investigate unemployment the minute you hit the pavement to get the maximum amount of cash benefits as quickly as possible. And then budget how long your incoming potential cash can last before tapping into any savings. Even during the best economic times, face your finances head on and do your best to control your expenses within the first week or two of losing your job.
Your First Rodeo
If this is the first time youâve ever lost a job, it can feel like an untamed, wild bucking bronco tossed you into the dirt. This nasty beast is dangerous enough to start charging right back at you and close in for the kill. But weâre not going to let that happen. This book is filled with expert advice from steady hands and brave hearts who walked out of every rodeo alive. Survival after every firing helps grow tougher skin and a stronger backbone to get back on that horse and ride again.
When youâre fired without warning, the shock can take weeks to wear off. Even if you saw the ax coming, losing your job brings you face-to-face with intense stress and pain. Getting fired for the first time can feel like a bullet shot into the core of your identity. But a surprise firing is almost better than the alternative. When youâre in a company thatâs been sending up bad smoke signals about the possibility of firings, furloughs, and layoffs, you know youâre working in a house on fire. Waiting to find out if youâre one of the people about to get burnedâfor weeks, or monthsâis a slow torture none of us deserves.
Losing your job is a financial blow that also shakes your confidence and your self-identity. For many of us, just the simple idea of having to change jobs rocks our world. Maybe itâs an age thing. Most of the twentysomethings I work with arenât obsessed with staying at one company until retirement. Theyâve grown up in the gig economy without the expectation of working in the same job for a long period of time before exploring what else is out there. Hereâs an imagined letter that twentysomething me could have written in the present day:
Dear Mom & Dad,
Iâve been meaning to write to you since the moment I lost my job. Iâve been hiding out, not reaching out to anyone. Thank you for all the times you tried to teach me about having a good work ethic, about trying to do my best, about how to act professionally, and about how to keep my cool when things get a little too hot.
You have no idea how crazy it got. Working for these people has been hell. Every single day felt like torture. The managers had no respect for the fact that everyone on our team was working twelve-hour days, nonstop for the last year. Not one of us got a raise or even a thank-you. We got constant demands to keep delivering, mixed with ongoing warnings about losing our jobs if we didnât perform up to their unrealistic expectations.
The minute I finally got scheduled for what I thought was going to be a performance review and a raise, they dropped the bomb on me saying that I was being let go.
Why is the work world so insane? How did the two of you keep the same jobs for as long as you did? Donât worry about me. Iâll be fine once I figure out how to shake this off. They gave me four weeks of severance, which was about two weeks more than I expected. But at the risk of sending you both into shock, I have enough money saved up to pay rent without starving.
Talk soon.
Love,
Rob
Some of us define who we are by the job we hold. Our sense of purpose, responsibility, accountability, and drive to provide for our basic needs are all tied up in the work we do. Itâs also an easy way for others to define us. Most casual small talk only takes a minute before youâre asked: âWhat do you do for a living?â If this is the first time you have had to dodge this attempt at sizing you up, welcome to a club that millions of us join.
DĂ©jĂ Vu
If youâve been kicked out of a job before, every bad memory of the hardships you suffered during your last time stuck in between jobs, again (#iBJA) can come racing back to haunt you. If bad fortune comes back multiple times in your career, getting kicked out of work again can trigger the original earthquake, with every aftershock that followed. Itâs normal to feel overwhelmed if this is happening to you now. But we have new strategies to get you through this. The ground will stop shaking. The roof will not collapse.
Donât let sad scenes from your last time out of work start playing over and over in your head. Erase this rerun and start writing a brand-new script called The First Time I Lost My Job Without Losing My Mind. Itâs too long a title, but itâs going to be a much better sequel. Job loss can unravel everything you have, think, and feel, or losing your job can ignite a reevaluation of purpose and value. This is a chance to find the work youâre meant to do.
This is your moment to overcome the temporary hell of being fired, furloughed and sent home by using a new strategic plan to get hired in the shortest amount of time. The old ways of looking for work donât cut it anymore. After some of the worst economic times in history, you can feel stuck in a sea of unemployed souls treading water without a life preserver. The worn-out methods people have utilized for decades wonât cure todayâs conditions. New road-tested tools help you rethink how to best position yourself, and write a better blueprint to win your next, best job.
Your Evil Twin
I know what youâre going through. Being out of work always made me feel like I was tied down in chains. The walls felt like they were closing in. I was sentenced to serve time in solitary confinement without any idea how long it was going to take to get out of unemployment prison. The weight of all that stress ate away at my strength and confidence.
As smart as I thought I was, I felt like I was back in grade school, staring at a math problem that was impossible to solve. I felt even worse about the idea that I was letting my family down, ashamed that my loss was placing a heavy burden on the people I love. They werenât used to seeing me around all the time, every damn day and night. And they definitely werenât used to seeing me constantly worried about every dollar we thought about spending.
If you normally have an all-caps EGO, that sucker shrinks down to lower case letters the minute you lose your job. If youâre singing the âIt Sucks to Be Meâ blues, youâre not the first one to belt out this tune. There are endless other travelers out of work right now, all on the same lonesome highway, hoping to catch a ride to the promised land where a shiny new job and a pretty paycheck awaits.
Being fired can feel like losing half of who you are. Or, you might sense that youâve gained an evil twin; a sadder, quieter, angry, confused, and frustrated you can show up like an unwanted guest. If this twin refuses to take every hint to leave, youâre in for mor...