Work Makes Me Nervous

Overcome Anxiety and Build the Confidence to Succeed

Jonathan Berent, Amy Lemley

• Publisher: Wiley
• Year: 2010
• ISBN:
  9780470882184
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Business Development
• Index: Business

A proven therapeutic method that channels workplace anxiety into powerful, confident performance

Millions of people are afraid of work. The situations they fear may be different-public speaking (e.g., presentations and speeches), meetings, conference calls, new assignments, performance reviews, promotions or praise, client consultations, team projects, and so on. But the feeling is often the same: some combination of obsessive worry, fear of being noticeably nervous, clammy hands, racing thoughts, sweating, blushing, heart palpitations, trouble breathing, and more.

That feeling is called "workplace anxiety." And Work Makes Me Nervous is the cure. An effective self-empowerment training program, Work Makes Me Nervous lays out a proven therapeutic method for dismantling the wall between you and your ability to excel at work. The program trains you to:

• Channel workplace anxiety into powerful performance
• Identify anxiety symptoms and pinpoint where fears originate
• Achieve a High Performance Mind through a technique called Mind States Balance
• Abandon fear and ride the wave of adrenaline through every work situation

Filled with real stories of real people and a 21-day developmental program of practical exercises and effective stress-management techniques, Work Makes Me Nervous will enable you to finally say, "I can handle whatever situations come my way."

CHAPTER 1

The Real Story of Anxiety at Work

“I love brainstorming! Nothing energizes me more than being in a roomful of people calling out ideas—even silly ones.”

“If I don’t understand something, I ask. There are no stupid questions. Other people are probably wondering the same thing.”

“I prefer to do business face to face. The personal touch is always better.”

Yeah, right. Sure, there may be millions of people in millions of workplaces out there who would agree with these statements. But not you. Not if work makes you nervous. Brainstorming sessions may cause you to snap shut like a clam, hoping no one will ask you to even give an opinion on someone else’s idea, let alone offer one of your own. Asking a question—any question—is too great a risk to take: Surely everyone else knows the answer, or somebody else would be asking. As for doing business face-to-face—well, e-mail, instant messaging, and texting have made that kind of personal contact a thing of the past (and are far more appealing to workplace anxiety sufferers than speaker phones, teleconferencing, and webcams). Recent surveys show that text-messaging is most people’s primary—and preferred—way of communicating. Unfortunately, these technological “advances” only enable avoidant behavior—and suck the life out of social skills development for those who are most at risk of workplace and social anxiety. Meeting face-to-face is not just old-fashioned; if you are nervous at work, it feels nothing short of dangerous. What if they see you blush bright red the minute somebody says your name? What if they notice your excessive sweating as you try to explain your concept? What if your mind goes blank and you can’t even think of a concept?

So many “What Ifs.” Here’s another one: What if you could live the rest of your life and career free of these fears? Free of these symptoms? Free to express yourself fully and be as successful as you can be?

You can. You will. Here’s how: Take this book on as your personal coaching system. Commit to spending 21 days working through it the first time, and refer to it regularly as part of your maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Do that, and you will conquer your nervousness at work. I have developed this program during 30 years of working with literally thousands of people at all levels of career success. These clients have included:

• New college grads whose fear of going blank at job interviews was keeping them from entering the job market.

• Seasoned executives with six- or seven-figure incomes, who were ready to give up rather than speak at regional trade shows and have the world see that they blush, twitch, stammer, stutter, mumble, or sweat profusely.

• Non-native speakers of English stunned into selective mutism out of fear that their accents are too thick or they might misuse an English word.

• IT geniuses who refused lucrative promotions if they required interaction with the public because doing so caused them facial tics, muscle twitching, or nausea.

I have thousands of stories about people who were cured, those whose problems turned out to be permanent, and those who fell somewhere in the middle. You can learn from them all. Of course, to protect these people’s privacy, all names and identifying details have been changed. But the stories are true. Throughout this book, you will meet people who suffered silently, believing they had a permanent character flaw, men and women who actually considered having surgery to cut the facial nerves that cause blushing and sweating! And these people triumphed over the workplace anxiety that had made them miserable, scared, even sick, for years and years. Tom is a good example.

To hear Tom talk about his struggle and his triumph, visit www.socialanxiety.com and select “Tom: Senior Executive of Billion-Dollar Company—Public Speaking Anxiety Resolved.” Tom’s 10-minute audio interview is part of a library of 40 interviews with real clients. Other audio interview subjects will be identified throughout this book.

By the time Tom had reached his mid-40s, he was the picture of success: This happily married father of two was a vice president of a large engineering development company. Those who knew him respected him for his past careers, first in the military police and later as a semi-pro football player. But his game face had long since disappeared.

His first panic attack occurred during a very important meeting with his fellow members of the senior management team. By then, Tom was a seasoned executive and felt completely confident about the presentation he had taken a week to prepare. Laptop at the ready, PowerPoint slides prepared, he ran through his report in his mind while the other managers took their turns. He stood to make his presentation, and it went according to plan. Then the unthinkable happened.

“Tom, where do Steve’s figures fit into your survey results?”

In that moment, Tom’s mind went blank. He had no answer. His presentation—and his entire focus for the weeks leading up to it—had centered on one and only one way of thinking. Now, his boss was asking him to think outside the box. Tom could not rely on the script he had prepared. His singular focus had made his thinking too rigid. Tom had a panic attack—his first one ever—and that single incident caused him to develop extreme anxiety at work. This was far more than a loss of confidence; it was a traumatic event that Tom will never forget.

“I found myself unable to even talk,” he recalls. “I was so sure everyone was looking at me and thinking, ‘What’s wrong with this guy?’ But I couldn’t help it; I got up and walked out. I thought it was the end of the world.” It was a twenty-first-century executive’s version of “fight or flight.” And Tom chose flight. He became obsessed by what happened and did whatever he could to avoid attending meetings. Yet he discussed it with no one. Ashamed of his problem, he says he “tried everything,” turning to the Internet to read articles with names like “Top 10 Ways to Beat Stage Fright” and “Become a Better Public Speaker.” But nothing worked. “There was something inside me,” he says. “I decided I had been born with it. There was nothing to do.”

Born with it. Nothing to do. Those beliefs are all too common among people who suffer from anxiety related to work. When Tom came to me, however, I let him know there was hope. More than hope: There was a cure.

A Life-Changing Journey

As you begin your own journey to recovery from workplace anxiety, it is important to know the four essential steps you must take.

1. Clarify your motivation. Consider why you want to change. Preserving your job? Finding a new one? Improving your health?

2. Diagnose your particular anxiety symptoms and use them to create a map for change. We will guide you through numerous exercises that train you to recognize your own symptoms and stressors and create a proactive recovery plan.

3. Develop a High Performance Mind. A High Performance Mind requires understanding the “mind states” that make up the personality—then balancing those mind states to achieve synergy. Whereas anxiety sufferers are reactive, high performers are proactive. When I explained this to Tom, his football lingo came back to him, and he said, “That’s it! I’ve been playing defense. You’re saying I should be quarterbacking!” Play offense, not defense!

4. Master the Five-Step Adrenaline Control Technique. Based on scientific principles of biofeedback, you will learn to surf the wave of adrenaline rather than be pulled down by its undertow. In time, with practice, you will be able to use self-regulation techniques to interrupt your anxiety response within seconds.

Your training—which requires attention, precision, and repetition—will free you to use that flow of adrenaline energy to become active, productive, and expressive at work. Tom is one of thousands who have done so. His transformation led to a dramatic improvement in self-esteem and a healthy, happy, and high performance lifestyle. He was promoted to a senior position and is now among his company’s most motivating leaders.

Your Most Valuable Asset

Tom was smart. He recognized his most valuable asset. Do you know what your most valuable asset is? Think for a moment. Seriously, think carefully right now. Do you have the answer? It’s not your bank account or 401(k). It’s not your car or your home. It’s not even your career. Your most valuable asset is time. Time is finite. Time is not elastic. Time does not stretch. You can borrow money; you cannot borrow time. Spending your precious time to complete this self-guided program will be one of the best investments you ever make. Imagine how much extra time you’ll gain when you won’t have to spend minutes, hours, days, and nights obsessing over your workplace stressors. Your health will improve, and you will be able to make the most of every workday.

Having picked up this book, you have demonstrated your potential as an astute investor in time. Spend time now to gain time later. If you spend—that is, waste—time suffering from anxiety, that negative investment tends to grow, leading to more and more anxiety.

Invest your most valuable asset wisely—and expect great returns!

Cold Hands, Warm Hands

Before almost every public appearance I’ve ever made, an amazing phenomenon has occurred. About 10 to 15 minutes before each presentation, my anticipatory energy manifests itself by making my hands cold. This was true when I started seeking publicity for my social anxiety therapy programs back in 1988, and it is true 20 years later. I am a confident, experienced speaker. Yet I still get cold hands!

That may surprise you. But let me explain. Our peripheral blood flow is affected by the body’s natural fight-or-flight response: In get-ready-for-action mode, less blood flows to the hands, so they feel either cold, cool, or sweaty. The hands of a relaxed body are dry and warm. These processes are called “vasoconstriction” (cold, cool, or sweaty hands) and “vasodilation” (warm, dry hands). Varying degrees of stress and relaxation occur from person to person and from moment to moment, and the hand’s skin temperature varies up to 25 degrees Fahrenheit in any one day, sometimes within minutes. Skin temperature is not the same as body temperature, which is considered normal at 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. A hand temperature of about 90 degrees or higher represents relaxation. Here is a table showing precise skin temperature measurements and what they indicate.

Hand Temperature	Degree of Relaxation or Stress
Above 95°F/35C	Deeply relaxed
90°F to 95°F/32°C to 35°C	Quietly relaxed
84°F to 90°F/29°C to 32°C	Mild calm
79°F to 84°F/26°C to 29°C	Moderate stress
Below 79°F/26°C	High tension

So what do my cold hands mean? They mean that my adrenaline is flowing. My blood vessels are constricted. I am gearing up to perform. This is good stress for me—a positive example of the fight-or-flight response. Nothing to be scared of. But those same cold hands could represent the beginning of a panic episode to a person who does not understand performance physiology.

Becoming aware of hand temperature lets you gauge your stress level. Your challenge at this point is to begin to differentiate between positive and negative stress and how they relate to your hand temperature. You will learn that “stress” and “anxiety” are not dirty words but important phenomena that require a practical understanding.

Often in my clinical work I integrate biofeedback with therapy. The term has a simple meaning: “bio” refers to body processes and “feedback” refers to the collection of objective informa...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Dedication
• PREFACE
• CHAPTER 1 - The Real Story of Anxiety at Work
• CHAPTER 2 - Diagnose Yourself and Create Your Map for Change
• CHAPTER 3 - Understanding Your Five Mind States
• CHAPTER 4 - Balancing Your Mind States for a High Performance Mind
• CHAPTER 5 - The Positive Power of Stress: Make It Work for You
• CHAPTER 6 - Going Deeper
• CHAPTER 7 - The Healthy Brain: “The Hardware of the Soul”
• CHAPTER 8 - Speak Up: How to Control Your Public Speaking Anxiety
• CHAPTER 9 - You Don’t Need Nerves of Steel: You just Need an Attitude Adjustment
• BIBLIOGRAPHY
• INDEX