Part I
The Basics of Life Coaching
In this part . . .
From finding out what life coaching actually is, through deciding how itās going to work for you, to laying the foundations for your own success, the chapters in this part focus your mind on how to get the best out of the journey ahead.
Chapter 1
Introducing Life Coaching
In This Chapter
Knowing why coaching works
Meeting your inner coach
Coming to terms with change
Working out your current life priorities
People talk lots of hokum about life coaching. Life coaching television programmes, magazines and newspaper columns range in quality from the powerful and inspirational through to the downright misleading and dangerous. True life coaching isnāt about some guru telling you how you should live. Yes, you may be tempted to bask in the comfort of an expert who can fix your life, your fashion sense, your body flaws and your emotional angst. But these fixes are too often like an elegant sticking plaster. Changes donāt last, unless a real change has come from deep within you. True life coaching enables you to call on your very own inner guru, any time, any place, with or without the support of another human being.
This chapter explains how coaching can work its magic for you and how it can help you manage the changes in your life, not just right now, but through all the shifting priorities of your journey.
A Brief Definition of Life Coaching
Hereās my definition of life coaching:
A purposeful conversation that inspires you to create your best life.
You have conversations all the time (unless youāre a hermit in a cave). Your conversations are chit-chat to pass the time and get along with people, or purposeful talks where you clarify thought processes, resolve problems, reach agreements and commit to actions.
Life coaching uses dialogue as well to move you along in the right direction. When you engage in a purposeful conversation with your coach ā who is a skilled professional or simply that part of you that already is your coach ā you cut through all the chit-chat and get to the root of everything. You may discuss the following topics, for example:
Why you act in the way that you do.
Which beliefs about yourself stop you from taking certain actions.
What your options really are.
How you can best go about getting the right results for you.
How you can maintain your motivation.
Coaching conversations leave you refreshed, inspired and ready for action. Life coaching is more than inspiring you to live the life you want; itās even better than that. Sometimes your best experience of life comes from facing up to living through the parts that you really donāt want and understanding the lessons within them. Coaching conversations help you identify how to live your very best life, the one that taps into all your potential and strengthens you.
Life coaching can help you form the questions that lead to answers that are right for you, which is a lot better than taking someone elseās answers. Many books claim that they can guide you to The Magic Formula for Happiness, Success and Fulfilment in Life, but this book is a little different. Here, I guide you to the source of your own magic formula. The answers arenāt out there ā you already have them all and life coaching shows you how and where to find them.
What Life Coaching Is Not
In its purest form, life coaching is a technique that uses powerful questions to facilitate you in finding your own answers. It does, however, draw on and can work alongside many other similar approaches. This section explores the distinctions between coaching and its close relations.
Here are some things that life coaching is not:
Coaching is not counselling or therapy. Counselling and therapy typically start from the perspective that something needs fixing. While many therapies are firmly rooted in present action and forward motion, their focus is more towards understanding what went wrong and achieving acceptance with that in order to move forward. With coaching, the bias is towards working from the perspective that you are fundamentally whole, healthy and strong enough to deal with the challenges of coaching.
Coaching is not mentoring. Working with a mentor is a great way of developing yourself. You find someone who is farther ahead on the road than you are in some important respect ā skills, knowledge, awareness ā and model yourself on the best that you see in them. A mentor freely passes on wisdom, and you then choose whether or not to accept it. A mentor may also coach you to draw on your own inner resources ā but the function of mentoring tends to focus on building your capability in an informal way.
One of the possible outcomes from self-coaching is that you decide to find yourself a mentor to model. Perhaps someone you work with who can pass on their wisdom in a very specific work context. Or it could be a person who you respect for their overall attitude to life ā maybe someone who excels at building strong, positive relationships, or who always exudes an air of calm and balance. You can actively work with a mentor or simply observe a strong role model rising to lifeās challenges so that you can adapt your own style to theirs.
Coaching is not giving advice. A coach doesnāt give you advice. A coach may discuss and suggest options for you, but essentially coaching facilitates your own thought processes. In this book I offer you practical principles, which act like coaching to prompt you to let the voice of your own inner coach speak out. When you coach yourself, listen to your inner coach but donāt lecture yourself.
A non-directive coach is someone who steers away from intervening, mentoring and giving advice. When you coach yourself, always give yourself the space to work things out calmly and objectively, based on what you really want and need.
See Chapter 2 for more guidance on choosing the right professional coach for you, which is a great way to experience how non-directive coaching works before trying it out for yourself.
Living Your Best Life
John Lennon wrote, āLife is what happens when you are making other plans.ā I bet you often feel that youāre so busy doing all the things you have to do that you never get a chance to enjoy the fruits of your labours ā or simply be.
Your happiness in life hinges on maintaining a delicate balance:
Doing the tasks and filling the roles you have to fulfil each day. These tasks are things that maintain you and keep your life running smoothly, such as your job, shopping, mowing the lawn and loading the dishwasher. The doing category also includes the big things you do and achieve, such as running a marathon or honing a skill.
Having the things you enjoy in your life. These things may be material possessions, such as a house, a fancy car or a pair of designer shoes. Or they can be intangibles like security, peace of mind and love.
Being content...