Talk to Strangers

How Everyday, Random Encounters Can Expand Your Business, Career, Income, and Life

David Topus

• Publisher: Wiley
• Year: 2012
• ISBN:
  9781118237625
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Business Communication
• Index: Business

Connect to the world around you and realize the enormous potential in talking to strangers

Everyday, random encounters really can change lives, when you make them happen the right way and leverage the connection at the other end. Talk to Strangers explains how to stand out and tap the potential of others by taking notice of who is standing alongside you on the bank line, the latte pickup point, or the ticket counter at the airport. David Topus' life-changing message is that we should "always connect, " which means going beyond online relationships and engaging in the random, real-life interactions that have unlimited potential to supercharge businesses, accelerate careers, and enrich your life.

• Why there is opportunity through the people you meet wherever you go
• The four key beliefs of successful random connectors
• Techniques for creating comfort and trust quickly with complete strangers
• How to optimize and monetize your newly-established contacts

When you connect to those in your everyday world, you'll discover the life-expanding potential of random encounters and unlimited opportunities.

SECTION II

Turning Random Encounters Into Mutually Beneficial Relationships

The ability to have successful random encounters begins with your thought process and attitude. As we discussed in the previous section, if you believe you can meet anyone—that people are fundamentally friendly and that you, and everyone you meet, has something worthwhile to offer—then you will increase your chances of making an endless number of valuable contacts in your daily life.

Yet random connecting is also a skill, one that requires specific strategies and tactics to implement successfully. And although it’s not difficult, it’s like any other skill in that it entails focus and discipline. You probably already have some of the skills required to make productive face-to-face associations, whereas others might be new. In either case, this section will show you how to learn, build, and/or sharpen these proficiencies so that you can turn everyday random encounters into mutually profitable relationships.

Chapter 11

Find Clues to Initiate Conversation

The entire random encounter process begins with your ability to initiate conversation with a complete stranger. For many of us, the biggest challenge is knowing where to begin. What should you talk about? How do you find that point of entry into the conversation? And whom should you talk to, given a room, airplane, lobby, or elevator full of people?

In the 1960s and 1970s, people placed bumper stickers on their cars to make a statement or indicate something about their circumstances, personalities, or values. Sometimes they were funny, sometimes political, sometimes very personal. In all cases, they gave insights into people, their beliefs, their likes and dislikes, and what they considered important. Thirty and forty years ago, bumper stickers said things like “Let’s All Do the Twist,” “Hug a Hippie,” “Peace and Love,” or “Nixon in ’60.” These were literally and figuratively signs of the times that indicated car owners’ personal and political inclinations.

Today’s bumper stickers say things like “Driver Carries No Cash. . .He’s Married,” “Four Out of Three People Have Trouble with Fractions,” or “Guns Don’t Kill People; Drivers With Cell Phones Do.” Like those of the 1960s, these give insights into a person’s sense of humor, interests, priorities, and even values. If you pulled up beside someone with any of these on their bumper, you would have a clue about the person, and maybe even be able to say something about their statement that resonates with them.

Although the popularity of bumper stickers has come and gone, the good news is that people often provide information about themselves in other subtle ways—through the clothes they wear, the things they carry, and what they’re doing. In these items, you can find little pieces of information that people give out about themselves, either directly or indirectly. These little gems are the golden keys for random connectors, because they unlock content you can use for initiating conversation.

The following are some ways people broadcast information about themselves that you can use to initiate and direct your conversation:

• Luggage tag with laminated business card
• Clothing with embroidered company logo
• Backpack with embossed industry affiliation or conference
• Jewelry (rings, watches, bracelets) with award, achievement insignia, or college/university affiliation
• Lapel pins with logo, flag, or other insignia
• Binder with company logo
• Pens with logo or industry identification
• Company identification on laptop cover or screen
• Magazine or book
• Conversations loud enough to overhear from more than a few feet away

I met someone who became one of the most significant business partners of my career simply by noticing his business card and using it as a conversation clue. I was building a comprehensive multimedia training program and needed some content expertise to enhance my own. The challenge was finding someone who had the right knowledge and life circumstances to be available to work on an independent contractor basis. It couldn’t be someone with a full-time job; it had to be an independent consultant-type who had the time and freedom required for the project.

Weeks went by as I tapped my network for someone who would fit that profile with no luck—until one day when I least expected it, there it was. While waiting to board a puddle jumper to western North Carolina, I saw with my very own eyes exactly what would lead me directly to what I was looking for: a business card of someone who worked for the leading sales training and development company in the country, attached to a piece of luggage and obviously belonging to one of the passengers who was boarding the plane with me. Although I wasn’t sure who it was, I knew I would find out. I scanned the faces of my fellow seatmates once I boarded the plane but couldn’t make a definite determination. I would have to watch carefully when we landed to see who would retrieve that suitcase and make contact then.

I made a point of being among the first off the plane and positioned myself near where the bags would be placed on the tarmac. When the person who belonged to the bags with the business card grabbed his luggage, I gently and politely asked if he in fact worked for the company. Yes, he did. I immediately began a line of conversation that would help me determine whether he was a candidate for my project. We chatted about the company and his role, which led to a conversation about my endeavor and the opportunity that might await him.

We worked closely together over the next two years, developing and marketing a highly successful multimedia training program. It was a business relationship born out of a complete random encounter, the result of my noticing a business card, believing I could meet the person to whom those bags belonged, putting myself close enough to make contact, and initiating conversation with a simple question.

Someone you see in a public place, such as an airport, coffee shop, hotel lobby, or any of dozens of other public venues, is more than likely receptive to meeting (to some degree). In addition, most people telegraph—sometimes blatantly, sometimes subtly—information about their availability and themselves. Someone sitting in the back of the coffee shop is probably somewhat less open and available than the person who chooses to sit in the middle or toward the front. Likewise, someone who is hunched over their computer in the corner of the hotel lobby is likely less available than the person sitting on the sectional sofa where there is room for others to sit nearby. These are subtle yet significant clues about how available someone is, and they are important guides for you as you approach your potential new acquaintance.

Chapter at a Glance

• People telegraph information about themselves in indirect but clear ways.
• Notice logos on clothing or travel items and insignias on jewelry or technology.
• These clues are ideal for helping formulate relevant conversation starters.

Chapter 12

Avoid Judging People From a Distance

We tend to evaluate others based on surface assessments of how they look, how they’re dressed, or what they’re doing. It’s human nature to make up stories about people based on what truly amounts to superficial data. And because it is superficial, the formulas we use don’t always hold up. We think to ourselves: That person doesn’t look friendly because she’s frowning instead of smiling. This person doesn’t look like he’s influential because he’s wearing cutoffs and has a few days’ growth on his face. Or that person probably isn’t worth meeting because she just got out of an older model car.

Have you ever read The Millionaire Next Door? Thomas J. Stanley and William D. Danko’s book lets us in on an important fact: most millionaires drive old cars. And most have never spent more than a few hundred dollars on a suit. And oh, by the way, some of the most successful entrepreneurs don’t even bother to shave every day.

No doubt, we as random connectors are seeking those who represent the greatest potential for having a mutually beneficial relationship. But just as a priceless piece of sterling silver may not appear so on the surface, a hugely valuable connection may be waiting for you at the bus stop, in the coach section of the airplane, or in the share-a-taxi line at the hotel. So although your preliminary assessment of another person may be right, it may also be wrong. And making the wrong call about a potential connection could be costly. It might cause you to miss out on making one of the most valuable contacts of your lifetime, just because you presumed that the woman standing in front of you in line at the coffee shop in a running suit isn’t the CEO of a company who happens to be on vacation. . .or working from home that day.

Chapter at a Glance

• People don’t always look like what or who they are.
• Making an assumption about someone could be very costly.
• Some of the most influential people are understated in terms of dress and attitude.

Chapter 13

Don’t Be Overeager

When you attempt to talk to someone in a public venue for the purpose of networking, the way in which you reach out has everything to do with the result you get. In other words, it’s all about the approach, with the venue being an important consideration. If you are in a place where the other person has overtly or implicitly agreed to socialize or be met, then that person is fair game. It is mutually understood that the person is willing to engage, and you have permission to strike up a conversation. Since both parties know this, the other person is less likely to be guarded or feel that you are trespassing in his or her personal space. Trade shows, industry conferences, professional events, and parties are obviously networking bonanzas; most everyone is open and receptive to making new relationships. You might say they’re “all-you-can-meet” buffets.

However, random connecting differs from these kinds of venues in that you are approaching people in places where the other party has not necessarily agreed to be met. This is where your approach becomes so essential. It is especially important to be cognizant of the creep factor—not the other person’s creep factor, but yours. Although there is often some initial unease (even in traditiona...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Contents
• Title
• Copyright
• Acknowledgments
• Guide to Charts, Tables, and Lists
• Introduction
• Section I: Creating Your Future Through the People You Haven’t Even Met . . . Yet
• Section II: Turning Random Encounters Into Mutually Beneficial Relationships
• Section III: Leveraging the Connection
• Section IV: Gender-Neutral Random Connecting
• Section V: Mastery Insights and the Talk to Strangers Mastery Program
• Conclusion
• Index