Stop Workplace Drama

Train Your Team to have No Complaints, No Excuses, and No Regrets

Marlene Chism

• Publisher: Wiley
• Year: 2011
• ISBN:
  9780470948750
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Conflict Resolution

Overcome the interpersonal challenges holding your business back

Is your workplace riddled with gossip, power struggles, and confusion? Do you seek clarity in your management and cohesiveness in your team? Do you have a personal obstacle affecting your professional success?

If so, there is good news-help is on the way. Stop Workplace Drama offers down-to-earth, practical methods to help business owners, entrepreneurs, and private practice professionals maximize success, increase productivity, and improve teamwork and personal performance.

• Identify "drama" barriers and help your employees break free to experience higher personal effectiveness and increased productivity
• Each of the eight points is full of universal and practical principles any business leader, sales director or entrepreneur can put to use immediately
• Author Marlene Chism has shared her signature process with organizations such as McDonalds and NASA

When you're in the thick of business competition, you and your team need to function freely without internal conflicts, confusions, or rivalries. Stop Workplace Drama ensures that your employees will be able to give their best to create a healthy, profitable workplace.

Chapter 1

Clear the Fog

If confusion is the first step to knowledge, I must be a genius.

—Larry Leissner

A few Novembers ago, I was experiencing a lot of internal drama over one particular dilemma: Who should I invite to Thanksgiving dinner? My opposing influences came from all areas of the family. One relative called to tell me that if I invited another particular person, then his wife would not come because she was offended by something that person had said during the previous Thanksgiving. Another called to tell me that if I didn’t invite this same person, it would make Thanksgiving the most miserable one ever.

It was becoming so difficult that I considered not having Thanksgiving at all. I was struggling and frustrated.

It doesn’t matter if you are under pressure in your personal life or simply can’t get your team to follow your lead. The same truth remains in both cases: When you struggle, you also experience frustration.

Here is how the cycle usually goes: You may try to figure out who or what is standing in your way professionally. At first glance, it may seem like it’s your trouble-making employee. You tell yourself that if this person would just straighten up, all would be well with the world.

If your small business is struggling, you may think you don’t have the knowledge, skills, or resources to make it a success. Maybe you don’t understand marketing, aren’t skilled at managing others, or have a staff of two and really need four to get where you need to go.

Eventually, you come to the conclusion that the reason you are stuck is because there is someone who does not support, agree with, or understand your decisions. It could be your boss or your colleagues. It could be your employees. It also might be that your personal life has so much drama that you can’t focus.

There are a million and one potential excuses as to why you are frustrated, stuck, and not getting what you want, but there is only one real reason: You are unclear. You have fog that is clouding your vision.

The premise of the first Stop Workplace Drama principle, Clear the Fog, is as follows:

1. The one with clarity navigates the ship.

2. Clarity can change any situation.

Once you are clear in your business, you are in charge. You attract the right people to your team. They are working toward the same goal. They are motivated. You become excited. You make decisions that are in agreement with who you are and the values that you hold dear. Your choices support and work in harmony with other parts of your life.

The author of The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable, Patrick Lencioni, states that “A friend of mine best expressed the power of teamwork when he once told me, ‘If you could get all the people in an organization rowing in the same direction, you could dominate any industry, in any market, against any competition, at any time’” (Lencioni 2002, viii).

The really cool thing about this first principle—Clear the Fog—is that it works as easily in your personal life as it does in your business. Once you become clear in both of these areas, you won’t always feel the need to make sure that everyone understands your decisions. You won’t spend as much time worrying about what other people say you should do, or beating yourself up for what you should have done. You will make your decisions based on who you are and what values you hold dear, instead of trying to please, manipulate, or rescue others from their own drama.

Let me get back to my Thanksgiving dinner story so you can see how this works. After the initial dread and frustration I experienced over my inability to meet everyone’s needs in regard to whom I should invite to the meal, I finally got silent and did a little meditation and journaling—something I often do when I experience a lack of clarity. Suddenly, it came to me: It is my house. I will invite everyone. I did not have to get permission or agreement.

However, this did mean that I had to be okay with the fact that some people would simply not show up. Instead of taking this personally, I decided I would act on my clarity. I remained neutral, and let everyone make decisions about their attendance based on their values instead of my wishes or manipulation. I made it perfectly clear that I intended to have a very peaceful and harmonious Thanksgiving. I told my family and friends that everyone was invited, and if that didn’t work for them, I would honor their decision not to attend. I also said that since it was my house, I had the freedom to ask anyone who was not in alignment with my vision to please leave if I sensed any trouble.

The result? It turned out to be the best Thanksgiving I have ever had. My clarity eliminated the drama. I got what I wanted: a peaceful Thanksgiving. The icing on the cake is that everyone attended—and they all got along.

The Fog

Let’s define what the fog is and what it does.

Everyone knows how exciting it is when you start working toward a new goal. However, somewhere between the first steps and the end result the process becomes difficult. The reason for this is usually because someone on your team is unhappy, and, instead of focusing on the island you are trying to reach, you’re now concentrating on pleasing the one person who is upset. Your focus has shifted because you became confused about your number one priority. This is an example of how losing clarity forced you off course because of a conflicting desire or unexpected reaction from someone who has the power to influence you. Or you lose momentum because you start focusing on all the hard work it takes to move forward. Negativity sets in, and now you and your team are no longer motivated.

The fog here is your inability to focus and your lack of willingness to see the bigger picture. Occasionally, you might have two desires that do not align. For example, your desire for free time is competing with your desire to finish a project, so you procrastinate and start drifting aimlessly.

The fog is any distraction or division that clouds your vision and threatens your commitment. When you are in the fog, you feel confused instead of motivated.

In short: Any time you lose focus and your level of commitment diminishes, you are in the fog—and you are splintered. You become what I refer to as double-minded.

Though visions and goals are often the first steps toward achieving clarity, there must be something more to sustain it. To keep yourself clear, you must have a strong “why” that supports your goals. This will come from developing your set of core values because, in the difficult times, these are what will lead you out of any fog that threatens your success.

If you aren’t sure what your core values are, you may need to work on defining them. You might need to do a bit of soul searching to discern what most matters to you and/or your organization. What principles do you want to live by, no matter what happens around you? What values will you never sacrifice? Once you are aware of your core values, you can set more satisfying goals—goals that support these values. We talk more about this later when we discuss in detail how you can begin to gain clarity.

When I observe people, I often notice that conflict exists because their lives are splintered. They are not quite clear in some area of their life or business.

In the entrepreneurial world, I have had the pleasure of meeting and networking with a lot of “solopreneurs” who just can’t seem to make it because they keep changing directions. They put the cart before the horse; they worry about “how” before figuring out the “what”; or they keep waiting for someone else to encourage them instead of believing in themselves and their vision. They seem to be seeking some kind of guru to answer questions that only they can be responsible for. They too lack clarity on what they need, and they are operating in a fog.

I also have had the advantage of working with leaders in the corporate world who are frustrated because they try to lead without having any kind of vision. It’s hard to motivate a team when all the work is focused on the drudgery of the everyday grind instead of the success of arriving together at a worthy goal—one that is supported by solidly defined core values. Because of the fog, these leaders are only able to see what is right in front of them, instead of the island in the distance that would beckon them to row more effectively and energetically.

Of course, none of us is perfect, and most goals are not achieved in a linear fashion. There are other factors that challenge us and throw us off track—things like our personality traits, habits, or wiring. Have you ever noticed that some of the things that come naturally to you—such as your particular gifts and hidden talents—can also be the cause of the drama that holds you back? The following are some potential gifts and personality types/traits that have the potential to deter your success.

The Idealist

The highly idealistic leader is often crystal clear in the beginning and good at motivating others. However, she finds it difficult to keep the momentum when the going gets tough. If the journey turns out to be more difficult than first imagined, procrastination will set in—and then come the justifications as to why it’s not a good time to move forward. She starts out with one oar and a rowboat with no map, when what she really needs is a yacht and crew to achieve her goals. Her idealism initiates unrealistic expectations for her team, which ultimately leads to disappointment. The challenge for the idealistic person is to see the bigger picture and know what is really required before expending energy convincing others to move forward without enough resources or commitment.

The Creative Genius

Maybe you are a creative genius who—like so many other creative geniuses—is easily distracted. The sparkling island calls to you, and as a result, you have 50 irons in the fire and your energy is all over the place. You want everyone to catch your vision, yesterday—and you want your employees to anticipate what you are thinking before you let them know, even though your vision changes along with your moods and the weather. Ask yourself if your creativity is contributing to the prosperity of your company—or is your creativity the cloud that fogs your vision?

A colleague of mine, Angela B., worked for a creative boss, the owner of an international travel and tour group. According to Angela, her boss’s creativity almost drove her crazy before she finally threw in the towel.

“His mind-set changed daily with at least 10 new ideas. He was extremely indecisive, and therefore, the team lacked direction,” Angela recalled to me.

Often, entrepreneurial and creative types do not understand how to balance their genius with the need for structure and clear communication. Angela explained:

“We were organizing an athletic event in Europe for 200-plus athletes and he needed to sign the contracts with different hotels. These contracts were very long, and he never took the time to sit down and read all of the pages (and he didn’t trust me or his other assistant to do this properly). It took more than three months to finally get his signature, and I had to save his reputation over and over again so we wouldn’t lose the reservations. His excuses for not signing were:

Let’s wait and see what the Euro (exchange rate) does.

I don’t know if the sizes of their beds are comparable to U.S. beds. We should check into that first.

I have to do two million other things; signing these contracts is not important.”

Angela always felt that her work was never good enough. She felt incompetent because no matter what project she was working on, another project would take priority at the drop of a hat. She said, “It was also difficult to accomplish administrative work such as organizing files and filing taxes because that was last on his list of priorities. It felt like we often had our heads in the clouds instead of getting real work done.”

If you are a creative genius, your gift could cloud your vision when you hire a team. Look at it from your employees’ point of view. You may be more committed to being creative than to achieving your stated goals. This will cause a division, and may tempt you to blame the team instead of clearing the fog by adjusting your patterns to accommodate your goal. Imagine working for someone on a big project into which you have poured your heart and soul; then one day, your boss comes in and says, “Scrap that project. I have a new and better one for you to work on.”

While this kind of creativity can potentially be something very positive, it can drive your team members crazy because they never feel a sense of completion. This kills their motivation and leads to turnover. Not only do they not get to complete the tasks they begin, they also miss out on getting any recognition for their skills and accomplishments. They will never know if what they were doing would have made the difference. They bought into the vision you introduced, only to have their horizon shifted 180 degrees midsail.

This kind of leader often forgets that people want to work from a larger purpose—not just for a paycheck or to complete each willy-nilly (if sparkly) task that crosses his mind. The creative genius’s challenge is to consider the entire team’s feelings, instead of being addicted to the adrenalin of her own creativity and getting lost in the fog of self-absorption.

The Peacemaker

If you are a peacemaker, you simply love people. You don’t want to upset anyone or make anyone unhappy. However, without knowing it, your need to please others or benefit others keeps you confused about your own mission. You may be u...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Contents
• Title
• Copyright
• Acknowledgments
• Introduction: We Don't Do Drama Here
• Chapter 1: Clear the Fog
• Chapter 2: Identify the Gap
• Chapter 3: Tell Yourself the Truth
• Chapter 4: Reinvent and Realign
• Chapter 5: Stop Relationship Drama
• Chapter 6: Master Your Energy
• Chapter 7: Release Resistance
• Chapter 8: Become a Creator
• Conclusion: No Complaints, No Excuses, No Regrets
• Resources
• About the Author
• Index