VOL. II. The JOURNAL continued.
THURSDAY Morning.
SOMEBODY rappâd at our Chamber-door this Morning soon after it was light: Mrs. Jewkes askâd who it was; my Master said, Open the Door, Mrs. Jewkes!âO, said I, for Godâs sake, Mrs. Jewkes, donât. Indeed, said she, but I must; I clung about her. Then, said I, let me slip on my Cloaths first. But he rappâd again, and she broke from me; and I was frighted out of my Wits, and folded myself in the Bed-cloaths. He enterâd, and said, What, Pamela, so fearful, after what passâd yesterday between us! O Sir, Sir, said I, I fear my Prayers have wanted their wishâd Effect. Pray, good Sir, considerâHe sat down on the Bed-side, and interrupted me, No need of your foolish Fears; I shall say but a Word or two, and go away.
After you went to Bed, said he, I had an Invitation to a Ball, which is to be this Night at Stamford, on Occasion of a Wedding; and I am going to call on Sir Simon and his Lady, and Daughters; for it is a Relation of theirs: So I shall not be at home till Saturday. I come therefore to caution you, Mrs. Jewkes, before Pamela, (that she may not wonder at being closer confinâd, than for these three or four Days past) that no body sees her, nor delivers any Letter to her in this Space; for a Person has been seen lurking about, and inquiring after her; and I have been well informâd, that either Mrs. Jervis, or Mr. Longman, has wrote a Letter, with a Design of having it conveyâd to her: And, said he, you must know, Pamela, that I have orderâd Mr. Longman to give up his Accounts, and have dismissâd Jonathan, and Mrs. Jervis, since I have been here; for their Behaviour has been intolerable: and they have made such a Breach between my Sister Davers and me, that we shall never, perhaps, make up. Now, Pamela, I shall take it kindly in you, if you will confine yourself to your Chamber pretty much for the Time I am absent, and not give Mrs. Jewkes Cause of Trouble or Uneasiness; and the rather, as you know she acts by my Orders.
Alas! Sir, said I, I fear all these good Bodies have sufferâd for my sake!âWhy, said he, I believe so too; and there never was a Girl of your Innocence, that set a large Family in such Uproar, surely.âBut let that pass. You know both of you my Mind, and in part, the Reason of it. I shall only say, that I have had such a Letter from my Sister, that I could not have expected; and, Pamela, said he, neither you nor I have Reason to thank her, as you shall know, perhaps, at my Return.âI go in my Coach, Mrs. Jewkes, because I take Lady Darnford, and Mr. Petersâs Niece, and one of Lady Darnfordâs Daughters; and Sir Simon and his other Daughter go in his Chariot; so let all the Gates be fastenâd, and donât take any Airing in either of the two Chariots, nor let any body go to the Gate, without you, Mrs. Jewkes. Iâll be sure, said she, to obey your Honour.
I will give Mrs. Jewkes no Trouble, Sir, said I, and will keep pretty much in my Chamber, and not stir so much as into the Garden, without her; to shew you I will obey in every thing I can. But I begin to fearâAy, said he, more Plots and Contrivances, donât you?âBut Iâll assure you, you never had less Reason; and I tell you the Truth; for I am really going to Stamford, this Time; and upon the Occasion I tell you. And so, Pamela, give me your Hand, and one Kiss, and I am gone.
I durst not refuse, and said, God bless you, Sir, where-ever you go!âBut I am sorry for what you tell me about your Servants!
He and Mrs. Jewkes had a little Talk without the Door; and I heard her say, You may depend, Sir, upon my Care and Vigilance.
He went in his Coach, as he said he should, and very richly dressâd; which looks like what he said: But, really, I have had so many Tricks, and Plots, and Surprizes, that I know not what to think. But I mourn for poor Mrs. Jervis.âSo here is Parson Williams; here is poor naughty John; here is good Mrs. Jervis, and Mr. Jonathan, turnâd away for me!âMr. Longman is rich indeed, and so need the less matter it; but I know it will grieve him: And for poor Mr. Jonathan, I am sure it will cut that good old Servant to the Heart. Alas for me! What Mischiefs am I the Occasion of?âOr, rather, my Master, whose Actions by me, have made so many of my good kind Friends forfeit his Favour, for my sake!
I am very sad about these things: If he really loved me, methinks he should not be so angry that his Servants loved me too.âI know not what to think!
FRIDAY Night.
I Have removed my Papers from under the Rose-bush; for I saw the Gardener begin to dig near that Spot; and I was afraid he would find them. Mrs. Jewkes and I were looking yesterday through the Iron Gate that fronted the Elms, and a Gypsey-like Body made up to us, and said; If, Madam, you will give me some broken victuals, I will tell you both your Fortunes. I said, Let us hear our Fortunes, Mrs. Jewkes; but she said, I donât like these sort of People; but we will hear what sheâll say to us. I shanât fetch you any Victuals; but I will give you some Pence, said she. But Nan coming out, she said, Fetch some Bread, and some of the cold Meat, and you shall have your Fortune told, Nan.
This, youâll think, like some of my other Matters, a very trifling thing to write about. But mark the Discovery of a dreadful Plot, which I have made by it. O bless me! what can I think of this naughty, this very naughty Gentleman!âNow will I hate him most heartily. Thus it was:
Mrs. Jewkes had no Suspicion of the Woman, the Iron Gate being lockâd, and she of the Outside, and we on the Inside; and so put her Hand throâ. She said, muttering over a Parcel of cramp Words: Why, Madam, you will marry soon, I can tell you. At that she seemâd pleasâd, and said, I am glad to hear that, and shook her fat Sides with laughing. The Woman lookâd most earnestly at me all the Time, and as if she had Meaning. Then it came into my Head, from my Masterâs Caution, that possibly this Woman might be employâd to try to get a Letter into my Hands; and I was resolved to watch all her Motions. So Mrs. Jewkes said, What sort of a Man shall I have, pray?âWhy, said she, a Man younger than yourself; and a very good Husband heâll prove.âI am glad of that, said she, and laughâd again. Come, Madam, let us hear your Fortune.
The Woman came to me, and took my Hand, O! said she, I cannot tell your Fortune; your Hand is so white and fine, that I cannot see the Lines: But, said she, and stoopâd, and pulled up a little Tuft of Grass, I have a Way for that; and so rubbâd my Hand with the Mould-part of the Tuft: Now, said she, I can see the Lines.
Mrs. Jewkes was very watchful of all her Ways, and took the Tuft, and lookâd upon it, lest any thing should be in that. And then the Woman said, Here is the Line of Jupiter crossing the Line of Life; and MarsâOdd, my pretty Mistress, said she, you had best take care of yourself: For you are hard beset, Iâll assure you. You will never be marryâd, I can see; and will die of your first Child. Out upon thee, Woman! said I, better thou hadst never come here.
Said Mrs. Jewkes, whispering, I donât like this. It looks like a Cheat: Pray, Mrs. Pamela, go in this Moment. So I will, said I; for I have enough of Fortune-telling. And in I went.
The Woman wanted sadly to tell me more; which made Mrs. Jewkes threaten her, suspecting still the more: And away the Woman went, having told Nan her Fortune, that she would be drownâd.
This thing ran strongly in my Head; and we went an Hour after, to see if she was lurking about, and Mr. Colbrand for our Guard; and looking throâ the Iron Gate, he spyâd a Man sauntring about the middle of the Walk; which filled Mrs. Jewkes with still more Suspicions. But she said, Mr. Colbrand, you and I will walk towards this Fellow, and see what he saunters there for: And, Nan, do you and Madam stay at the Gate.
So they openâd the Iron Gate, and walked down towards the Man; and, guessing the Woman, if employâd, must mean something by the Tuft of Grass, I cast my Eye that way, whence she pullâd it, and saw more Grass seemingly pullâd up: then I doubted not something was there for me; so I walked to it, and standing over it, said to Nan, Thatâs a pretty Sort of a wild Flower that grows yonder, near that Elm, the fifth from us on the Left; pray pull it for me. Said she, It is a common Weed. Well, said I, but pull it for me; there are sometimes beautiful Colours in a Weed.
While she went on, I stoopâd, and pullâd up a good Handful of the Grass, and in it a Bit of Paper, which I put instantly in my Bosom, and dropt the Grass; and my Heart went pit-a-pat at the odd Adventure. Said I, Let us go in, Mrs. Ann. No, said she, we must stay till Mrs. Jewkes comes.
I was all Impatience to read this Paper. And when Colbrand and she returnâd, I went in. Said she, Certainly there is some Reason for my Masterâs Caution; I can make nothing of this sauntring Fellow; but, to be sure, there was some Roguery in the Gypsey. Well, said I, if there was, she lost her Aim, you see! Ay, very true, said she; but that was owing to my Watchfulness; and you was very good to go away when I spoke to you.
I went up Stairs, and, hasting to my Closet, found the Billet to contain, in a Hand that seemâd disguised, and bad Spelling, the following Words:
âTwenty Contrivances have been thought of to let you know your Danger; but all have provâd in vain. Your Friends hope it is not yet too late to give you this Caution, if it reaches your Hands. The âSquire is absolutely determinâd to ruin you. And because he despairs of any other way, he will pretend great Love and Kindness to you, and that he will marry you. You may expect a Parson for this Purpose, in a few Days; but it is a sly artful Fellow of a broken Attorney, that he has hirâd to personate a Minister. The Man has a broad Face, pitted much with the Small-pox, and is a very good Companion. So take care of yourself. Doubt not this Advice. Perhaps youâll have but too much Reason already to confirm you in the Truth of it. From your zealous Well-wisher,
âSomebody.â
Now, my dear Father and Mother, what shall we say of this truly diabolical Master! O how shall I find Words to paint my Griefs, and his Deceit! I have as good as confessed I love him; but indeed it was on supposing him good.âThis, however, has given him too much Advantage. But now I will break this wicked forward Heart of mine, if it will not be taught to hate him! O what a black, dismal Heart must he have! So here is a Plot to ruin me, and by my own Consent too!âNo wonder he did not improve his wicked Opportunities, (which I thought owing to Remorse for his Sin, and Compassion for me) when he had such a Project as this in Reserve!âHere should I have been deluded with the Hopes of a Happiness that my highest Ambition could not have aspired to!âBut how dreadful must have been my Lot, when I had found myself an undone Creature, and a guilty Harlot, instead of a lawful Wife? Oh! this is indeed too much, too much for your poor Pamela to support! This is the worse, as I hopâd all the Worst was over; and that I had the Pleasure of beholding a reclaimed Gentleman, and not an abandonâd Libertine. What now must your poor Daughter do! Now all her Hopes are dashâd! And if this fails him, then comes, to be sure, my forcible Disgrace! for this shews he will never leave till he has ruinâd me!âO the wretched, wretched Pamela!
SATURDAY Noon, One oâClock.
MY Master is come home, and, to be sure, has been where he said. So once he has told Truth; and this Matter seems to be gone off without a Plot: No doubt he depends upon his sham, wicked Marriage! He has brought a Gentleman with him to Dinner; and so I have not seen him yet.
Two oâClock.
I Am very sorrowful; and still have greater Reason; for just now, as I was in my Closet, opening the Parcel I had hid under the Rosebush, to see if it was damagâd by lying so long, Mrs. Jewkes came upon me by Surprize, and laid her Hands upon it; for she had been looking throâ the Key-hole, it seems.
I know not what I shall do! For now he will see all my private Thoughts of him, and all my Secrets, as I may say. What a careless Creature I am!âTo be sure I deserve to be punishâd.
You know I had the good Luck, by Mr. Williamsâs means, to send you all my Papers down to Sunday Night, the 17th Day of my Imprisonment. But now these Papers contain...