How Not to Get Promoted

Fix the Self-Sabotaging Behaviors Holding You Back

Emily Kumler

• Publisher: HarperCollins Leadership
• Year: 2020
• ISBN:
  9781400218561
• Topic: Commerce
• Subtopic: Gestion des ressources humaines

You work hard and turn in flawless reports, you stay late and kiss up to all the right people, and you still aren't getting promoted. What gives? Well, you're clearly screwing something up, and it's time you find out what it is.

It's frustrating. You're the first one in and the last one out. You work hard but still must watch other coworkers get promoted into shiny new titles, while you're stuck in the same position you've been in for the last five years. Chances are it's not about what you're doing right--it's about what you're doing wrong.

How Not to Get Promoted?is filled with interviews and stories of people who were being held back by the things they didn't realize were working against them. The workplace is a minefield filled with politics and unspoken rules. This book is here to teach you:

• How you're screwing it up and what to do about it
• How other people screwed it up before figuring it out
• What you should stop doing immediately
• What you should be doing more of

Now, stop panicking and letting frustration hold you back. How Not to Get Promoted is the tool you need to get out of your career rut and make it to the next level!

Section 1

Getting to Know Yourself

Insecurities and Motivations Drive Actions

We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us,
but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter.
—Rameau’s Nephew. book by Denis Diderot, 1821

We live in a reactionary time. With social media, twenty-four hour news, global trade and travel, our senses are exposed to much more than in our past. This constant bombardment of images, ideas, and opinions creates a state of compulsory responses. Rarely do we sit in stillness and open our senses to the calm and quiet of nothingness. Even the trends of mediation and mindfulness are clear indications of our desires to react to the state of reacting!

When you’re working, you are also usually in a state of reacting. You are responding to the requests of your bosses, your clients, and so forth. And when you think you’re ready for a promotion, that is often also a reactionary experience. You hear the job above you is being filled and you want it. A colleague suggests you apply for a higher position. Your partner says you deserve a raise. Or you think of a great idea for a new project that will elevate your position. But in all of these cases it is worth taking a beat to think about why you want what you want. Why is now the time to move up? Why is that specific position right for you? Where will that position lead you? Once you’ve done a deep dive into the whys, then you can start coming up with the hows. How are you going to get it? How will you transition your current workload? What can you bring to the new position? The answers to these questions will light your way, but you need to start with the basics, which means start with you.

Try to be aware of your reactions. Do you want the job because you think it’s your turn and you don’t want anyone else to have it? Do you want the new job exclusively for the title or the pay increase? Do you crave validation from your boss that you’ve been doing a good job? Whatever the motivation may be, recognizing it will help you keep it in check as you navigate the process of getting promoted—or losing out on a promotion.

Taking a hard look at what your insecurities are and what drives you will reveal a lot about what inner work you need to do. In the end, you do not want to pass up a promotion that would have been a great fit for your career path, nor do you want to rush into a position that will not fulfill you.

ONE

Don’t Work on Your Insecurities, Instead Blame Everyone Around You

It can’t be your fault. They just don’t like you. No one treats you with respect, so why should you respect them? Your ideas are never good enough. Someone else always gets the credit. Why work hard when no one notices? You’re always blamed when you never make mistakes. Why is it always you who has to stay late? Why can’t they see he messed it up? You didn’t know. No one told you the right way to do it!

If any of those expressions sound familiar, you have some inner work to do. Whether you’re a senior manager or an intern, just about every industry recognizes that working in a collaborative, helpful way is a winning strategy. Taking responsibility and contributing in a meaningful way will win managers’ hearts and minds. Accepting feedback and working on weaknesses is never a bad idea. Yet many of us struggle with these powerful approaches.

Whether you’re a senior manager or an intern, just

about every industry recognizes that working in a

collaborative, helpful way is a winning strategy.

Taking responsibility and contributing in a

meaningful way will win managers’ hearts and minds.

Accepting feedback and working on weaknesses is

never a bad idea. Yet many of us struggle with these

powerful approaches.

Blaming others, not volunteering, complaining, and back-stabbing are great ways not to get a promotion. But, they are also easily accessible feelings in moments of perceived injustice. Bosses want to promote workers who have set good examples, not those whose ambitions and insecurities present a take-no-prisoners modus operandi. Yet, when we feel marginalized, ignored, or disrespected, our protective measures take over. We reject the unfair action and respond by upping the ante in our minds. The offender becomes an enemy. The hurtful words become a revenge-laden mantra replayed by our inner voices. Our narrative about the interaction, including the feedback, person, tone, implications, etc., becomes entrenched and soon we’re convincing others of the wrongdoing. We are soon enough the ones misbehaving.

Very often our insecurities drive our bad behavior. It is essential to check in on your feelings of inadequacy; we all have them. Ask yourself: Are these feelings founded? Sometimes our insecurities point us toward areas we need to work on, skills begging to be developed and weaknesses that we have been hoping will just go away. In those cases, you have identified a terrific opportunity to grow; stop putting it off. Work on it, as those insecurities are not serving you well.

The other kinds of insecurities that can get us in trouble are the ones that bring up a displaced emotional response. If an interaction makes you feel sad, hopeless, angry, or vindictive, it is likely a response to something deep inside of you that’s begging to be examined. Ask yourself why a certain encounter sent you into a pit of despair or a fit of fury. What was it about that comment that unraveled you? Spend some time with that feeling and see if you can figure out where it came from. Most of us have deep-rooted insecurities that can manifest in selfish behaviors. If you grew up in a household where you didn’t feel valued for your intellect, or your sense of humor, or your opinions, or you were neglected, you may find that when coworkers—or others you’re in relationships with—make a comment that taps into your sense of self-worth, you overreact. Try not to. Instead, take a hard look at when you were made to feel that way before. What was that like? Why is that moment still stuck inside your emotional body?

Then look back at the conflict with the coworker and try to play it out without the emotional response. Remember, we all bring our own personal history to every interaction and when things are stressful or loaded, we can easily make false assumptions about other people that actually come from interactions with other people. This can create confusion and conflict. Being self-aware will protect you from projecting old wounds onto new relationships. This is worth spending some time on.

Doing this kind of deep work to understand what negatively motivates you will help you interact with others in a more positive and productive way. People who haven’t looked within to really understand their own insecurities and motivations often find themselves isolated, defensive, depressed, and deep in a self-absorbed spiral.

For example, whenever you pitch an idea, you hear feedback like: “Well, that’s interesting, I’ve never thought of it like that before,” or “You know, that’s actually a really good idea.” And the “I never thought of it like that before” is translated by your insecurities to sound more like: They think I’m so dumb that they’re surprised I thought of something they hadn’t. And “that’s actually a really good idea” becomes an affirmation that they’re surprised you suggested anything useful, because they all think you’re a moron.

Stop right there. You’re not a moron and you were likely hired to help them come up with ideas they couldn’t develop on their own, so let’s put those mean, imaginary voices to bed. They are not helping you. Where is all of that coming from? Why do you feel so insecure?

A more confident and centered person would hear those comments and interpret them as compliments. The “actually” would be confirmation that the boss was impressed and, while he could have phrased it better, it implies an emphasis on authenticity. He really, really thinks it’s a great idea. Likewise, the “I’ve never thought of it like that before” is contextualizing the impact of your idea. The boss is saying you were able to think of something in a whole new way. For a seasoned person to see a problem or solution in a new context is about the best complim...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• A Special Dedication
• Introduction
• Section 1: Getting to Know Yourself
• Section 2: Making an Impression
• Section 3: Getting the Offer
• Acknowledgments