You Are What You Believe

Simple Steps to Transform Your Life

Hyrum W. Smith

• Publisher: Berrett-Koehler Publishers
• Year: 2016
• ISBN:
  9781626566682
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Personal Success

Change Your Beliefs, Change Your Life We all have times in our lives when the results of our behavior don't seem to be meeting our needs. In this new book, Hyrum Smith does two things that are invaluable to people who wish to make their lives less painful. First, he reveals, through a clear and simple model, how we get to the point where our behaviors cause these kinds of problems. Then, with a simplicity that is impressive in itself, he describes the steps we must take to identify and rectify the beliefs leading to our painful behavior. The result is a powerful process for transforming your habits and relationships and achieving lasting personal and career success.

CHAPTER 1

BEHAVIOR CHANGE

There are three constants in life: change, choice, and principles.

—ATTRIBUTED TO DR. STEPHEN R. COVEY

Basic Principles of Productivity

Think about the following statement:

The basic principles that help a human being become more productive and effective have not changed for six thousand years.

Thirty-three years ago I started the Franklin Planner business with my partners. Since then I have had the opportunity to teach a great number of time management seminars all over the world. Through the years it has become common for people to approach me before or after a presentation. They come up to me, lower their voices, look around to make sure nobody’s listening, and then say, “You know, Hyrum, I wish I lived a hundred years ago, when they had more time.”

“Really?” I’d respond. “How much more time did they have a hundred years ago?”

“Oh, they had a lot more time.”

That is a common misperception. Do you know what the only difference is between today and a hundred years ago? It is that today we have more options. Why do we have more options? Because we do things faster. As a technologically advanced culture, we are into speed.

If my grandfather missed a train, it was no big deal. He’d wait twenty-four hours and catch another train. If my father missed an airplane, it was no big deal. He’d wait five hours and catch another airplane. If I miss one section of a revolving door, I go nuts. And so do you. Why do we do that? Because we want speed, that’s why. Would you tolerate today the speed of a computer from fifteen years ago?

The basic principles that help a human being become more productive and effective have not changed for six thousand years.

Say it out loud. Write it down.

Every generation has to rediscover these principles. We give new names to them; we write books about them. A good friend of mine, Stephen Covey, wrote a book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I wrote a book, What Matters Most. Read either book. There’s not a new idea in either book. Why do I tell you this? Because what I’m going to be sharing with you in this book is really old stuff; it just happens to be very relevant for today. The magic of the 7 Habits is the fact that Stephen put seven of them together. The magic is how they are taught for the twenty-first century. The basic principles go back a long way.

Why do I make an issue of this? What hasn’t changed in the last hundred or a thousand years? You and I. As human beings, we haven’t changed. We still have to go to the bathroom several times a day. We put our pants on one leg at a time. The human being is the same. What has changed? Our environment has changed. And it continues to change at warp speed. The tools with which we implement these principles are changing fast. But the basic principles that help you and me become better, greater people haven’t changed for a long time.

The process of learning these principles must be rediscovered in every generation by individuals and organizations. We explored this at Franklin Quest, the time management company I founded back in the 1980s.

Understanding Permanent Behavior Change

As mentioned earlier, at Franklin Quest we became obsessed with this question: What causes permanent behavioral change? Carrying a planner around was a behavioral change. Why did six million people in 170 countries do that?

As we asked ourselves this question, a model surfaced that we all could agree upon. We decided to call it the Reality Model.

In this book I’m going to introduce you to the Reality Model, and make you dangerous with it. This model can, if you allow it to, change your life and the lives of all those with whom you share it. The foundation of the model is understanding the definitions of the “real world,” principles, natural laws, and addiction.

The Real World Defined

The real world is the world as it really is, not as we believe it is or think it should be. This is an important definition to keep in mind. We will come back to it later.

After I left Franklin Covey, some friends and I started a new venture called the Galileo Initiative. Why did we call our new little venture Galileo? As I’m sure you know, Galileo was an Italian physicist, mathematician, astronomer, and philosopher who played a major role in the Scientific Revolution. His achievements include improvements to the telescope and the consequent astronomical observations, and he has been called the “father of science.”

Until the time of Galileo, most people in the Western world believed that the earth was the center of the universe and the sun went around the earth. Actually, in the early sixteenth century, it was Copernicus who first stated that the earth revolved around the sun. He died in 1543, just twenty years before Galileo was born. With the exception of a few, no one took his theory seriously. Then Galileo came along and said, “Hey, I’ve improved the telescope! I’ve done the math! I can prove that the earth is going around the sun!”

How did the world react to this new concept? Galileo was ridiculed, put on trial, convicted of heresy, and excommunicated from the church. He spent the last fifteen years of his life under house arrest, as a condemned heretic. But . . . he was right. He had the correct perception of the real world. That’s what the Reality Model helps us do: it helps us to see the world as it really is.

Before we get into the nuts and bolts of the Reality Model, I would like to define three more words that will be used in our discussion.

Principles

Once we see how things really are, we begin to perceive the principles our beliefs are based upon. Principles are what we believe to be true about ourselves, and what we believe about the world and our place in it. The principles we follow don’t change based on how our outside circumstances influence us. Correct principles can give us direction as we make life decisions. They are guideposts that help us successfully navigate the bombardment of change we are experiencing every day.

Natural Laws

Natural laws are fundamental patterns of nature and life that human experience has shown to be valid. Natural laws are rarely if ever changed or influenced to move in a different direction. We cannot change these laws to be what we want because they are universal and affect everyone. Choosing to accept or reject these laws will have an impact on the choices we make and the consequences of those choices.

Addiction

Here is my definition: addiction is compulsive behavior with short-term benefits and long-term destruction. This is not a book on addiction, and this is not a dictionary definition of addiction, but the purpose of my definition will become evident as you continue.

When I say the word addiction, most people start thinking about drugs and alcohol. Abusing these substances does in fact represent addictive behavior. But alcoholism and drug abuse are only two of many different kinds of addictive behaviors. Think about other kinds of addictive behaviors: exercising too much, working too hard, and overeating, among others! There are many different addictive behaviors.

Now that we have defined the real world, principles, natural laws, and addictions, you are ready to be introduced to the Reality Model. As you read, remember these definitions. They will be instrumental in understanding and applying the model effectively.

CHAPTER 2

THE REALITY MODEL

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives.

—ANTHONY ROBBINS, AWAKEN THE GIANT WITHIN

For now, mentally shelve the definitions given in chapter 1. Go back and review them if you have to. Here is a representation of the Reality Model, without labels. As you read what each figure represents, think about the flow of the model, and how the five pieces relate to each other.

Human Needs

Let’s start with the first part of the model: Human Needs. Now, understand this fact: you have four powerful, driving needs. Whether you think you’ve got them or not, you’ve got them. Psychologists have done all kinds of studies, and many agree that we have at least these four needs:

1. The need to live.

2. The need to love and be loved.

3. The need to feel important, to have value and significance.

4. The need to have variety in our lives.

The most interesting one to me, by the way, is the fact that we all have a need for variety. That’s why you have a closet full of different kinds of clothes, you go on vacations, and you pay for cable or satellite TV to watch a wide range of shows and productions. We have a very strong need for variety.

We represent the first piece of our model with a wheel because this is the piece that drives the model. You may even label this wheel with the word engine because this is where the model gets its power.

The Belief Window

The second piece of the model is the Belief Window. Inside that window is the word Principles.

You have a Belief Window. It sits in front of your face. Imagine that a wire comes from the back of your head across the top and hooks onto that window. Every time you move your head, the window moves with you. You look out into the world through this window; you accept information from the world through this window. On this window you have placed thousands of principles that you have accepted as correct.

The minute I say the word principles, a lot of people start thinking about heavy-duty religious stuff. It’s true that religious and ethical principles may be on your Belief Window, but there are thousands of tiny little principles as well. We put principles on our Belief Window because we believe they’ll help us satisfy the four Human Needs. The number of principles you have on your Belief Window is a function of your age; the older you are, the more principles you will have on it.

An example of a principle you might have on your Belief Window might be something like this: “All Doberman pinschers are vicious.”

Which of the four Human Needs is driving this principle? It clearly has something to do with the need to live. Somewhere in your life, you decided to accept the idea that Doberman pinschers are vicious as a correct principle. You believe it, so you put that principle on your Belief Window.

If-Then Rules

The third piece of the model looks like a little bridge. On top of that bridge is the word Rules. Inside that bridge are two tiny words: If and Then.

This is how the Belief Window works: the minute you put a principle on your Belief Window, you immediately start to create rules that will govern your behavior based upon that principle. This all goes on in your head at the speed of light. You do it automatically, and sometimes even without realizing which principles you are actually putting on your Belief Window.

I call these If-Then Rules. Let’s say that you do have the principle on your Belief Window that all Doberman pinschers are vicious; you have accepted this as a correct principle. So if you encounter a big Doberman pinscher, then what will you do? You will leap tall buildings with a single bound. You will run away. You will have a very specific set of rules all set up based on that principle on your Belief Window.

It is important to understand that first three pieces of this model are all invisible. You can’t see the process. No one else can see it. But it’s going on, every second you breathe.

Behavior Patterns

Let’s go to the fourth piece of the Reality Model, which is a right-facing triangle. Down the slope on the top of that triangle is the word Behavior. Inside the triangle is the word Action.

Let’s go back to that same principle: all Doberman pinschers are vicious. If that’s true, then we set up our rules. Rules are automatic. If you go in somebody’s yard and there’s a Doberman, what behavi...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Dedication
• Contents
• Foreword
• Preface
• INTRODUCTION The Reality Model Promise
• CHAPTER 1 Behavior Change
• CHAPTER 2 The Reality Model
• CHAPTER 3 Teaching the Reality Model
• CHAPTER 4 Applying the Reality Model
• CHAPTER 5 Using the Reality Model
• CHAPTER 6 Organizational Application
• CHAPTER 7 Power in the Reality Model
• CHAPTER 8 Inner Peace
• Notes
• Index
• About the Author