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Proof You Should Ask Outrageously
There is magic in asking. The people with the best results are those who have the courage to feel the fear and ask anyway. They win more by being willing to push the envelope. They learn to ask for a little more and explore possibilities. They become more comfortable with taking risks and even hearing no.
People in historyâfrom politicians to rock stars to Nobel Peace Prize winnersâhave had great success making outrageous requests. Having the courage to ask creates unbelievable results. A simple request can challenge injustice in the name of human dignity, generate significant medical advancements, create new ways of doing business, and impact communities. Consider these historic requests.
Rosa Parks asked, âWhy do I have to sit at the back of the bus?â and her request led to changing racial segregation laws to protect the rights of all citizens regardless of race.
Louis Pasteur asked, âWhat causes wine to sour?ââa request that led to the discovery of how to destroy bacteria, which evolved into pasteurization technology to keep food safe. Mary-Ellis Bunim and Jonathan Murray asked MTV, âCan we create an unscripted television show that follows the life of strangers in a house?â The result led to The Real World and the genre of reality TV. (Arguably, some results are more notable than others.)
Outrageous Outcomes
There is a snowball effect when you begin to ask outrageously. What may be a simple request often grows into several requests. Asking can evolve into negotiations involving bigger stakes than you thought possible.
Want a secret only those who make high-stakes requests know? Asking outrageously feels the same, no matter the dollar amount or the consequences. The adrenaline rush, the fear, the excitement, the quickening heartbeat, the change in breathing, and the concentrated attention feel the same. And people who ask outrageously receive unbelievable results in all areas of their lives. Often, the most meaningful outcomes are personal ones.
After years of no communication, I called my son and apologized. I asked if we could start over. He let me speak to my grandson for the first time. My grandson is four years old.
I asked my boyfriend when he thought we should get married. He proposed the next week. He had paid for the ring six months ago but didnât think I was ready and was waiting.
I asked my parents if I could borrow the money to make a down payment on a house. Instead of loaning it to me, they gave me the money. They had wanted to help me but didnât know how. Iâd still be living in an apartment if I hadnât asked.
Other outrageous outcomes begin with requests that are business related:
I asked my partners if they were willing to expand by opening an office in San Antonio or Austin. They agreed and we opened offices in both cities.
After seventeen years of thinking about it, I approached physicians in other medical practices. I asked if they were interested in how we handled our back office and our methods for collecting payments. That request led to an entirely new business, which has generated millions of dollars.
In the past, a supplier and I did a lot of business together, but we had a falling out. I went to her booth on the trade show floor and asked if we could put our grievances aside and do business again. We just filled our largest order yet.
During a break in the negotiations seminar, I went into the hall and made a call to ask for a reduction in our medical equipment rental fees. We now are paying 30 percent less for the same equipment. I locked down the price for the next three years, and it only took one phone call.
Whatâs Difficult about Asking?
More than 96 percent of those surveyed said they could have improved their results by asking for a little bit more or by taking more of a risk (see Figure 2). Almost a third said they could have increased their results by at least 50 percent. According to the study, the top reasons people hold back or donât ask are:
I will frustrate or bug the person Iâm asking. I will use the wrong words. I will embarrass myself or look stupid. This self-monitoring and reluctance to ask prevents you from receiving results well within your grasp. And âoverwhelm or bug the person Iâm askingâ ranks as significantly more difficult than âbe told no.â Seems odd, right? People would rather be told no than feel they are bothering someone to get what they want.
The Ask Outrageously Study reveals people are worried about the wrong things. For instance, people think their requests are denied because:
The other person lacks all the information needed. The person Iâm asking doesnât want to spend the money. Actually, the top two reasons people report saying no when approached are that the person making the request:
Is asking for something that is inappropriate. Is someone I donât like, respect, or trust. News flash: We are focusing on the wrong things. The research shows that there is no correlation between why people say no and why people think they are told no. Most people donât know the true reasons that their requests have been denied.
The primary reason people say no is when a person âis asking for something inappropriateâ (with 36 percent reporting it as the primary reason). However, when given the opportunity to select âinappropriateâ as a reason their requests are denied, only 4 percent of people thought it was the answer. (See Figure 4.)
To further support this disparity, 31 percent of respondents report saying no if they âdonât like, trust, or respectâ the person making the request. However, only 5 percent of people think that theyâre told no because the people theyâve asked âdonât like or respect me.â
The study also showed 79 percent of people feel more confident and prepared when they have all the information needed.
What a tremendous disconnect between perception and reality! What good is preparing with all the information needed when you are asking the wrong person for the wrong thing? How does all that research data help when the person you ask doesnât like, respect, or trust you?
What are the consequences of not asking?
Not getting what you want or living with outcomes det...