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Mydidae
About this book
One bathroom. Two people. One day. A relationship witnessed in minute, devastating detail.
A story of intimacy, fragility and the darker side of love, Jack Thorne's play Mydidae exposes the private and disturbing moments a couple share, and explores what becomes of a relationship when it is held together not only by love, but by fear, guilt and despair.
Mydidae was commissioned by DryWrite theatre company and first performed at Soho Theatre, London, in December 2012, in a production featuring Phoebe Waller-Bridge and Keir Charles.
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Topic
LiteraturaSubtopic
Arte dramático británicoACT ONE
Scene One
MARIAN enters the bathroom. She’s wearing overlarge headphones.
She’s talking business French aloud. She’s wearing knickers and a Minnie Mouse T-shirt. She’s just slept in them.
MARIAN. Est-ce qu’il y a un service de bus pour aller à Paris?
Est-ce qu’il y a un service de bus pour aller à Paris?
Beat.
C’est bien le bus pour Versailles?
C’est bien le bus pour Versailles?
She picks up a toothbrush and begins brushing her teeth.
She continues saying French aloud.
C’est bien le train pour Lille?
C‘est bien le train pour Lille?
She brushes her tongue.
DAVID enters. He’s on the phone. He’s in a pair of grey boxer shorts.
She stops talking. He doesn’t acknowledge her.
DAVID. I’m going to start with that…
I’m going to start with that…
He looks at her. He makes a signal. She doesn’t understand it and laughs. He frowns.
Because I want to open hard…
If I start with that…
Well. It’s a matter of opening hard.
She washes the toothbrush and puts it away.
She turns off her iPod. She listens to his call.
She sits on the side of the bath.
She thinks and then takes out some dental floss.
She begins to floss. He looks at her as she does. He smiles.
She smiles back. She starts to sexily floss. It’s a hard thing to do sexily. She laughs.
If we don’t open hard…
It’s not about what’s right or what’s – right.
He looks at her. He covers the phone.
I don’t know why you floss after you brush your teeth.
MARIAN. I don’t know either. Is he being a dick?
He goes back to his phone.
DAVID. It’s my pitch. It’s my pitch.
…
Yes. Of course it’s our pitch. It’s our pitch. But it’s my pitch to lead.
He covers the phone.
Flossing creates shit in your mouth.
MARIAN. Ya-huh and I can taste it if I do it before.
DAVID. Taste what?
MARIAN. The shit.
He goes back to the phone.
DAVID. I’m the pitcher. That’s all I mean by that. I’m the pitcher and… that makes me the leader.
I know I sound like a tosser.
I’m just getting words – mixed up.
No. I won’t.
He covers the phone.
Still. It doesn’t make logical sense.
MARIAN. You’re talking to me?
DAVID. Yeah.
MARIAN. You don’t make logical sense. He’s being a dick, right?
DAVID smiles. He talks into the phone.
DAVID. Yeah… Yeah… Well, complain about it if you want to…
Kiss me.
MARIAN laughs.
MARIAN. You’re talking to me?
He smiles. She does kiss him. With a smile. Gently. On the mouth. He breaks off and talks immediately into the phone. She frowns.
DAVID. Yeah. Yeah.
I know. I know.
MARIAN thinks. She turns her iPod back on. She begins to recite French again.
MARIAN. On est bien en direction d’Avignon?
On est bien en direction d’Avignon?
DAVID. I…
He exits. She looks after him. She stops. A thoughtful expression on her face. She looks in the mirror. She smiles. Then she doesn’t.
MARIAN. On est bien en –
Then she exits.
Then DAVID re-enters. Now off the phone.
He begins to take a piss. It’s a long piss.
He sings gently, ‘If You’re Happy and You Know It.’
He stops singing.
DAVID. I can’t smell the asparagus.
MARIAN (off). What?
DAVID. The asparagus.
From last night.
I can’t smell it.
Does that mean it was good or bad asparagus?
MARIAN re-enters the bathroom.
MARIAN. I don’t know.
DAVID. Is it one of those things?
Apparently the more that beetroot reddens your piss, the better it is.
The best beetroot turns your piss to almost blood colour.
MARIAN. Is that right? What did he want?
DAVID. Stuff.
She starts the bath. She checks the temperature of the water.
He sings a little more. Just hmming it. Not emitting actual words.
He finishes. He shakes. He puts away.
MARIAN. It’s taking longer and longer to heat up nowadays. Is that the boiler or the tap?
He washes his hands. She flushes the toilet.
I can’t smell it either. The asparagus.
DAVID. No.
DAVID opens the bathroom cabinet and takes out some shaving foam and a razor.
MARIAN. So that’s something…
DAVID laughs.
He lathers up.
He begins to wet-shave.
Men always look so stupid with shaving foam on their face.
DAVID. Do men?
MARIAN. What’s wrong with that?
D...
Table of contents
- Cover
- Title page
- Contents
- Dedication
- Original Production
- Characters
- Mydidae
- About the Author
- Copyright and Performing Rights Information
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