My Night With Reg (NHB Modern Plays)

Kevin Elyot

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2014
• ISBN:
  9781780013190
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: Drama
• Index: Literature

An era-defining comedy set amongst London's gay community. Winner of the Evening Standard and Laurence Olivier Awards for Best Comedy.

The play follows the ups and downs of a circle of gay friends over a period of several years. One of the group, the Reg mentioned in the title, is not a character in the play but the whole plot revolves around his apparent promiscuity and the chain reaction of deception and betrayal set off by it.

My Night With Reg premiered at the Royal Court Theatre, London, in March 1994.

'a play of genius... sublimely moving, genuinely funny and exquisitely observed' Daily Mail

'laughter with a killer punchline' The Times

'a sharply witty and humanely wise drama about gay manners and morals in the age of AIDS' Independent

Scene One

‘Every Breath You Take’ by The Police starts playing. As the lights come up, the music fades. Late afternoon. Cloudy. ERIC is painting a window frame in the conservatory. He’s listening to a Walkman. JOHN and GUY are standing in the sitting room. GUY is wearing an apron.

JOHN. Am I early?

GUY. No.

JOHN. I couldn’t remember what time you said.

GUY. You’re not, really.

JOHN glances at the apron. GUY suddenly remembers he’s wearing it.

(Taking it off.) I was just stiffening some egg whites.

JOHN. You look well.

GUY. Do I?

JOHN. Yes.

GUY. I’ve been to Lanzarote.

JOHN. Oh.

GUY. You look well, too.

JOHN. Thanks.

GUY. You don’t look a day older.

JOHN. Well –

GUY. You don’t, honestly. You’re just the same.

JOHN. It’s been a year or two, hasn’t it?

GUY. Nine and a half, actually.

JOHN. God!

GUY. When we passed each other on the escalator at Camden Town.

JOHN. Yeah.

GUY. I’m so surprised to see you.

ERIC (singing along with his tape). ‘Baby, baby, please…’

GUY. He was supposed to have finished yesterday.

JOHN. I’ve got the right day, haven’t I?

GUY. Oh yes. It’s just that when I phoned, it sounded like you weren’t going to be able to make it. I’m really pleased you have. Would you like a drink?

JOHN. Scotch. Thanks.

GUY puts the apron in a drawer on his way to the drinks table.

GUY. Anything with it?

JOHN. As it comes.

GUY. Ice?

JOHN. No.

GUY. Straight?

JOHN. Yes.

GUY. Right.

He pours two Scotches.

JOHN. Is it one of the Balearics?

GUY. What?

JOHN. Lanzarote.

GUY. Canaries.

JOHN. Oh.

GUY. But I know what you mean. Sort of interchangeable, aren’t they?

JOHN. Was it fun?

GUY. Yes. Well, sort of.

He hands him a drink.

JOHN. Cheers!

GUY. Cheers!

They drink.

I’ve got a bit of bad news, actually.

JOHN. Have you?

GUY. I’m afraid Daniel’s had to cry off at the last minute. I’d have let you know, but as it seemed unlikely you were going to come –

JOHN. It’s okay. I know.

GUY. Do you?

JOHN. I bumped into Reg last night. At a film.

GUY. Oh.

JOHN. He’s gone to Sydney, hasn’t he?

GUY. Yes. Some sheep farmer reckons he’s found a Pissarro in his shed. At least, Daniel thinks that’s what he said. So you don’t mind?

JOHN. No.

GUY. Good. It’d have been fun, though, wouldn’t it? The three of us together after all this time. You don’t feel you’re here under false pretences, then?

JOHN. Of course not. Why should I?

GUY. Well, Daniel’s your old mate, isn’t he? You’ve kept in touch –

JOHN. On and off.

GUY. Whereas we… How was the film?

JOHN. It wasn’t up to much. Two hours of French people talking. I couldn’t see the point.

GUY. What was it?

ERIC (singing with his tape). ‘I’ll be watching you…’

GUY. Would you like a nut?

JOHN. I’m okay, thanks.

GUY. No, I meant to put them out.

He goes out. JOHN glances at ERIC. GUY enters with a bowl of nuts which he puts on the coffee table.

Help yourself.

JOHN (taking out a packet of cigarettes). Do you?

GUY. No.

JOHN. Do you mind if I do?

GUY. Not at all. I’ll find the ashtray.

He goes out again as JOHN lights a cigarette. GUY returns with an ashtray.

Anyway, Reg is still coming, so… He’s not exactly the life and soul, but I sort of like him. Do you?

JOHN. Yeah.

GUY. And they seem very happy together. What did he make of the film?

JOHN. I’m not sure. It’s a nice flat.

GUY. Do you think so?

JOHN. Yes.

GUY. I must say, I’m really quite pleased with it. In fact, I was thinking the other night, I don’t see why I should ever have to move again.

JOHN. I could never think that.

GUY. You’re not the settling type though, are you? Well, you weren’t. Sit down, please.

JOHN. You don’t have to be polite, you know.

GUY. No. Sorry.

JOHN flops into an armchair.

You always used to do that.

JOHN. What?

GUY. Sort of hurl yourself at furniture.

JOHN. Oh, I’m sorry –

GUY. No, no. It’s just – seeing it again…

ERIC (singing with his tape). ‘I feel so cold and I long for your embrace…’

GUY (sidling towards the conservatory). Eric.

No response.

Eric.

ERIC (lifting his earphones). Eh?

GUY. How’s it going?

ERIC. Done in a tick.

GUY. Only it’s getting on –

ERIC. No worries.

He replaces his earphones and carries on. Meanwhile, JOHN’s been fidgeting in his chair. He feels behind a cushion and produces a long, tubular piece of knitting. GUY clocks this.

GUY. Oh –

JOHN. I thought I felt something.

GUY (taking it off him). Sorry.

JOHN. What is it?

GUY (putting it in a drawer). A cover for my door-sausage, actually.

JOHN. Oh.

Beat.

Do ...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Contents
• Remembering Kevin
• Original Production
• Dedication
• Epigraph
• Characters
• My Night with Reg
• About the Author
• Copyright and Performing Rights Information