PRE-SHOW
MR KEETER sings a short number with his guitar to both settle and unsettle the audience.
ACT ONE
VERNON sits in the interview room. In his memory, school mates shout abuse, āMeskin Bambi boyā, etc. There are gunshots. JESUS sings āCrazyā by Patsy Cline.
VAINE. Vernon Gregory Little?
VERNON shares the joke with JESUS.
VERNON. No, itās Dolly fucken Parton.
VAINE. What?
JESUS stops singing.
VERNON. Sorry.
VAINE. Your habitual place of residence is 17 Beulah Drive?
VERNON. Yes, maāam.
VAINE. Who else resides there?
VERNON. Just my mom.
VAINE. And youāre fifteen years old?
VERNON. Nearly sixteen.
VAINE. Awkward age.
VERNON. Maāam, will this take long?
VAINE. Vernon, weāre talking accessory to murder here, itāll take as long as it takes.
VERNON. But ā
VAINE. Donāt tell me you werenāt Jesus Navarroās only friend, donāt you tell me that for one second.
JESUS slinks off.
VERNON. No, maāam, butā¦ Ask Lori Donner, she knows I wasnāt there!
VAINE. You were found at the scene of the massacre with a bag of ammunition in your arms, are you with me, Mr Little?
He looks at her.
Can you account for yourself at a quarter after ten, Tuesday morning?
VERNON. I was in school.
VAINE. What period?
VERNON. Math.
VAINE. Math?
VERNON. Maāam, I didnāt see it happen, I was ā behind the gym.
VAINE. You take math behind the gym?
VERNON. No, it was our math periodā¦
VAINE. Why werenāt you in class?
VERNON. I went to the bathroom.
VAINE. Behind the gym?
VERNON. I wasnāt there, maāam, I have witnesses.
VAINE. Is that right?
VERNON. Ask Mr Nuckles!
VAINE. Mr Nuckles and who else?
VERNON. A whole bunch of people.
VAINE. Where are those people now?
VERNON smarts.
Exactly. Not the most reliable witnesses in their body bags, are they, Vernon? Let me ask you two simple questions: one ā are you involved with drugs?
VERNON. No.
VAINE. Two ā do you possess a firearm?
SHERIFF PORKORNEY joins them.
SHERIFF PORKORNEY. Thereās a lot of bothered folk outside, son.
VERNON. I wasnāt in the room, sirā¦
SHERIFF PORKORNEY. You were friendly though, huh, with the crazy Meskin boy?
VERNON. Sir, I never dreamed he wouldā¦
SHERIFF PORKORNEY. Yeah? (To VAINE.) Examine Littleās clothes, did you?
VAINE. Yes, sir.
SHERIFF PORKORNEY. Undergarments?
VAINE. Regular Y-fronts.
SHERIFF PORKORNEY. Check the back of āem, did you, Vaine? Certain type of practices can loosen a manās pitoota.
VAINE. Seemed clean, Sheriff.
VERNON. Sir, I aināt gay, you could just ask.
SHERIFF PORKORNEY. Regular boy then, are you, son? Like your cars and your girls?
VERNON. Yes, sir.
SHERIFF PORKORNEY. And your guns?
No answer.
All right, letās see if itās true. How many offices does a girl have that you can get moreān one finger into?
VERNON. Offices?
SHERIFF PORKORNEY. Cavities, holes.
VERNON. Uhā¦ two?
SHERIFF PORKORNEY. Wrong, what a surprise. Vaine, get your paperwork, hold the boy.
They leave. JESUS is back.
VERNON (to JESUS). Pitoota? Fucken retard. āAre you with me, Mr Little?ā No, Iām at the mall dicking your fucken daughters!
PAM (in her Mercury). Eileena, have you seen Vern, has he been fed?
VERNON. Pam?
EILEENA. You better wait outside, Pamā¦
PAM drives right up to VERNON in her car.
PAM. Your momās baking so Iāve come to fetch you. You eaten today?
VERNON. No.
PAM. Oh, Lord! I got us some chicken mix.
EILEENA. You canāt take him, Pam ā
PAM. Eileena, you tell the Sheriff this boy aināt eaten. (To VERNON.) Hop in.
EILEENA. Vaineās filling out the papers!
VERNON. I better stay, Pam.
PAM. Malarkey, come on now.
EILEENA. Theyāre holding him, Pamā¦
PAM. Love your hair.
EILEENA. Not too frisky?
PAM. Lord, no, it suits you. Jump in, Vern.
He canāt resist.
EILEENA. Sheriff!
āGalvestonā by Jimmy Webb, sung by Glen Campbell, plays on the car stereo.
PAM. Eat up, you must be starvinā.
VERNON. Mom okay?
PAM. Well, she spent her last dime on cake mix for the grievinā families.
(Singing along with the tape.) Galveston, oh, Galvestonā¦
I still hear your sea winds blowingā¦
Eat the bottom pieces before they get soggy.
(Singing.) I still see her dark eyes glowingā¦
She was twenty-oneā¦
Sing with me, Vern!
(Singing.) When I left Galveston.
Come on, Vernie, whatever happens we still need to sing!
PAM and VERNON (singing). Galveston, oh Galvestonā¦
VAINE. Stop that car!
PAM. Sixteen soon, little Vern!
DRIVER. Move your ass, road hog.
VAINE pursues PAMās Mercury in her police car. EILEENA, SHERIFF PORKORNEY, VAINE and the COMPANY join in singing. They hit the Martirio Highway.
PAM, VERNON and COMPANY (singing).
I still hear your sea waves crashināā¦
PAM (singing). Crash, crash, crashā¦
PAM, VERNON and COMPANY (singing).
While I watch the cannons flashināā¦
PAM and VERNON (singing).
Flash, flash, flashā¦
PAM, VERNON and COMPANY (singing).
I clean my gun, and dream of Galveston.
MOM is stuffing cakes into her mouth to quell her tension. The music stops.
VERNON. Hi, Mom.
MOM. Vern, hi! Joy cake?
VAINE catches them up in her police car.
Vaine, just in time for cake!
VAINE (climbing from her car). Your son absco...