LA RONDE
Ten Dialogues
Characters
PROSTITUTE
SOLDIER
MAID
YOUNG MASTER
YOUNG WIFE
HUSBAND
SWEET YOUNG THING
POET
ACTRESS
COUNT
1. The Prostitute and the Soldier
Late evening. By the Augarten Bridge. The SOLDIER enters, whistling, on his way home.
PROSTITUTE. Come on, handsome.
He turns, then keeps walking.
Dâyou want some company?
SOLDIER. Me? Handsome?
PROSTITUTE. Course. Who else? Come on, Iâm just up the road.
SOLDIER. Ainât got time. Got to get back to barracks.
PROSTITUTE. Youâll get back to barracks all right. Better at my place, though.
SOLDIER (closer). Maybe.
PROSTITUTE. Ssh. A copper might turn up.
SOLDIER. Yeah, right. Like to see a copper deal with this.
Pats his bayonet-case.
PROSTITUTE. Come on then.
SOLDIER. Piss off. Anyway, I ainât got no money.
PROSTITUTE. Donât need any.
SOLDIER (stops short. Under a street lamp). No money? Who are you, anyway?
PROSTITUTE. Ordinary blokes pay. Soldiers like you get it for free.
SOLDIER. I bet youâre the one Huber told me about.
PROSTITUTE. Never heard of him.
SOLDIER. You must be. You know â the cafĂ© in the Schiffgasse â you went home with him.
PROSTITUTE. Wouldnât be the first from there. Mmm . . .
SOLDIER. Come on then. Come on.
PROSTITUTE. In a hurry now, are we?
SOLDIER. Well, whatâre we hanging about for? And Iâve got to be in barracks by ten.
PROSTITUTE. When did you join up, then?
SOLDIER. Whatâs it matter to you? How farâs your place?
PROSTITUTE. Ten minutes.
SOLDIER. Thatâs too far. Give us a snog.
PROSTITUTE (kisses him). I always think thatâs the best bit. When I really fancy a bloke.
SOLDIER. Dunno âbout that. Forget it, itâs too far.
PROSTITUTE. Tell you what, come round tomorrow then. In the afternoon.
SOLDIER. All right. Give us your address.
PROSTITUTE. But you ainât gonna come, are you?
SOLDIER. I told you.
PROSTITUTE. Tell you what, if my place is too far â what about down there?
Towards the Danube.
SOLDIER. You what?
PROSTITUTE. Itâs quiet down there. No one about.
SOLDIER. Nah. Not my idea of a good time.
PROSTITUTE. Iâll give you a good time, donât you worry about that. Come on, stay with me. Who knows, we could all be dead by tomorrow.
SOLDIER. All right. But hurry up.
PROSTITUTE. Watch out. Itâs dark. One slip, and youâre in the river.
SOLDIER. Best place for me.
PROSTITUTE. Afterwards, maybe . . . Hey, slow down a bit. Thereâs a bench just ahead.
SOLDIER. You know your way around.
PROSTITUTE. I could do with someone like you.
SOLDIER. You couldnât handle me.
PROSTITUTE. I could have fun trying.
SOLDIER. Ha ha.
PROSTITUTE. Keep it down. Coppers come wandering round even down here sometimes. Wouldnât think it, would you: here we are, right in the middle of the city.
SOLDIER. Come here. Come on.
PROSTITUTE. Careful, or weâll both be in the river.
SOLDIER (has got hold of her). Oh yeah.
PROSTITUTE. Hold on tight.
SOLDIER. Donât you worry . . . ah . . .
PROSTITUTE. Would have been better on the bench.
SOLDIER. Who cares? Come on, get up.
PROSTITUTE. Whatâs the rush?
SOLDIER. Got to get to barracks. Iâm late.
PROSTITUTE. So whatâs your name, then?
SOLDIER. What do you care?
PROSTITUTE. Iâm Leocadia.
SOLDIER. Uh! Thatâs a new one.
PROSTITUTE. Hey . . . I want to tell you something . . . you were so good . . . so . . . ooh . . . so . . . come here . . .
SOLDIER. Youâve got to be kidding.
PROSTITUTE. Hey.
SOLDIER. What is it now?
PROSTITUTE. At least gimme sixpence for the housekeeper.
SOLDIER. Huh! What sort of a sucker do you think I am? See you, âLeocadiaâ.
PROSTITUTE. You scum! Bastard!
Heâs gone.
2. The Soldier and the Maid
The Prater. Sunday evening. A path leading from the Wurstelprater towards a dark avenue of trees. The distant sounds of the amusement park; and the âFive-Kreutzer Polkaâ, a corny dance tune, played by a brass band.
MAID. Go on, tell me. Why do you have to go so early?
The SOLDIER is embarrassed, and laughs stupidly.
It was lovely. I love dancing.
He holds the MAID around the waist. She lets him.
Weâre not dancing now. Why are you holding me so tight?
SOLDIER. What was your name again? Kathi, isnât it?
MAID. Youâve got some Kathi on the brain.
SOLDIER. Oh, yeah, I know: Marie.
MAID. Itâs getting dark. Spooky.
SOLDIER. You got nothing to worry about. Youâre with me. Iâll look after you.
MAID. What are we doing out here? All on our own. Come on, letâs go back inside. Itâs all dark out here.
SOLDIER (draws on his cigar, making the end glow). There, thatâs lit things up!
Laughs.
Hello, gorgeous!
MAID. Hey, what are you doing? I might have known . . .
SOLDIER. Damn, if yours arenât the nicest handful in there tonight.
MAID. Tested all the rest, then, have you?
SOLDIER. You can tell, dancing with someone. Quite a lot you can tell that way, wouldnât you say?
MAID. But you was dancing with that blonde a lot more than you was with me. That squinty one.
SOLDIER. Friend of a friend, you might say.
MAID. What, that corporal with the twirly moustache?
SOLDIER. No, my friend was the civvy: you know, he was sat next to me, the bloke with a croaky voice.
MAID. Oh, him. Heâs got a bloody nerve.
SOLDIER. Whatâd he do to you? Iâll show him. Whatâd he do?
MAID. Oh, nothing. Just how he was with the other girls.
SOLDIER. So tell me, Marie.
MAID. Watch it with that cigar, will you?
SOLDIER. Sorry. Marie. Come here, darling.
MAID. Youâre being a bit familiar, arenât you?
SOLDIER. Donât you like me calling you darling? Come on, itâs just an expression . . .
MAID. Bit soon for that, isnât it? Now then, Franz . . .
SOLDIER. You remember my name, then?
MAID. Course I do, Franz . . .
SOLDIER. The lads call me Franzi. And the girls, too . . .
MAID. Steady on. What if someone was to come out?
SOLDIER. So what if they do? Theyâll never see us.
MAID. Where are you taking me?
SOLDIER. Hey, look, a couple over there, just like us.
MAID. Where? I canât see...