Cling To Me Like Ivy (NHB Modern Plays)

Samantha Ellis

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2016
• ISBN:
  9781780017358
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: Drama
• Index: Literature

A sassy, offbeat comedy-drama about rebelling against your roots.

Rivka wants the perfect Orthodox wedding. With two weeks to go, she has the man, the dress – and the wig. But when doubt is cast on her wig, everything starts to unravel. Rivka finds herself far from home, up a tree and in the midst of an anti-road protest, not knowing whether she'll be able to go back to where she came from… Or even if she wants to.

Samantha Ellis' play was inspired by a chance remark by Victoria Beckham in 2004 which sparked a crisis within the Orthodox Jewish community about the wigs worn by married women.

'that genuinely rare beast, a popular comedy with heart, brains and the stomach to make some difficult choices' - Guardian

ACT ONE

Scene One

A Sunday afternoon in May 2004. SHMULEY’s kitchen in North London. A door leads to a hallway, where the telephone is, and also to the front door and the rest of the house. The kitchen is tatty but spotless, with two sinks and colour-coded crockery and cutlery. A Jewish festivals calendar hangs on the wall. A huge saucepan of soup is bubbling on the hob. Sun is coming through the window, shining on RIVKA, who is standing on a wooden chair in her wedding dress and socks, her arms up; occasionally she nervously touches her hair. There is something odd about it, though we don’t yet know what. The dress is long-sleeved, high-necked, white and austere, but beautiful. MALKA, her mouth full of pins, is pinning it to take it in. LEELA sits at the table, with OK! magazine open in front of her.

LEELA. Cos skinny women don’t have daughters. Look at Victoria Beckham. She’s got Romeo, but where’s her Juliet? She’s got Brooklyn but where’s her…?

RIVKA. Chelsea?

LEELA. Yeah. If you’re too thin your body thinks there’s going to be hard times so you get boys. To work the fields and stuff.

MALKA. Did you get this from your doctor class or OK! magazine?

RIVKA. When’s Victoria Beckham got hard times?

MALKA. Well, what’s-his-face is having an affair.

RIVKA. Is he?

LEELA. Where have you been, Riv? Underwater?

RIVKA. Who’s he having an affair with?

MALKA (sniffing the dress). Does it smell like mothballs still?

RIVKA. Not that Page Three Girl again?

LEELA (sniffing the dress). No.

MALKA. He had an affair already and she didn’t divorce him? I suppose you can’t blame him. What’s-his-face. He probably just wants a zaftig girl, some flesh to squeeze.

LEELA. She’s put on weight; they don’t call her Skeletal Spice any more.

MALKA. She’s still a ferkrimpter.

RIVKA (automatically translating). Sour-face.

LEELA. She doesn’t smile cos she hates her dimples.

MALKA. Is it tight? We want you to be able to dance.

RIVKA. It’s perfect.

MALKA. Your grandfather would roll in his grave if he saw me doing this. He was the best tailor on Princelet Street. His stitches were so tiny! He said I sewed like a bear. Okay, put down your arms.

RIVKA. Okay?

MALKA. Like a dream you look, kayn eynhoreh.

A moment where she looks at RIVKA. They hear the front door opening and MALKA hides the magazine. SHMULEY enters, touching the mezuzah and kissing his fingers. He sees RIVKA and his eyes fill with tears.

SHMULEY. Rivkele. You’re changing your mother’s dress?

MALKA. Who’s changing it? We’re altering it.

RIVKA (getting down). We just had to take it in, Dad.

MALKA. She’s skinny like a noodle.

LEELA. But you’re going to have grandsons.

SHMULEY. Grandsons?

MALKA (to LEELA). Sshh! (To SHMULEY.) One day, please God. And also granddaughters.

SHMULEY. I didn’t know you were changing her dress.

RIVKA. It’ll look the same, I promise, just the same.

SHMULEY (wipes his eyes and makes an effort to smile). You look very nice.

RIVKA. ‘Nice’?

SHMULEY. You should always tell the bride she’s beautiful. Even if she isn’t beautiful! You can lie through your teeth and not only God won’t mind, He even counts it a mitzvah! That’s what Hillel says!

RIVKA. What does Shamai say?

SHMULEY. He disagrees.

RIVKA (to LEELA). He always disagrees.

SHMULEY. He says, ‘What if the bride’s blind or lame, disfigured, how can you lie and say she’s beautiful?’

LEELA. Blind or lame?

SHMULEY. What, it’s not politically correct?

LEELA (laughs). No!

RIVKA. It’s the Middle Ages.

SHMULEY. Hillel wins though.

RIVKA. Hillel always wins.

SHMULEY. He says it doesn’t matter what she looks like; make her happy. Hillel wasn’t only a great sage, you know; he invented the sandwich.

SHMULEY shuffles off, looking for something.

RIVKA. So, do I look nice or are you lying?

MALKA. Who’s lying? You look be...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Original Production
• Dedication
• Introduction
• Thanks
• Characters
• Act One
• Act Two
• Act Three
• About the Author
• Copyright and Performing Rights Information