The Retreat (NHB Modern Plays)

Sam Bain

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2017
• ISBN:
  9781780019864
• Topic: Literatura
• Subtopic: Arte dramático británico

A comedy about getting away from it all - the debut play from the BAFTA Award-winning co-writer and co-creator of Peep Show, Fresh Meat and Four Lions.

Luke left his high-flying City life to discover serenity in the Scottish Highlands, but he can't escape his past. Is Tony, his brother, everything that's wrong with Luke's old life, or is he the only one who can really see into his soul?

The Retreat premiered at Park Theatre, London, in 2017, in a production directed by Kathy Burke.

A one-roomed stone hut in the Scottish Highlands. Evening turning to night outside.

The set is laid out on the flat/thrust stage, the only wall being the back wall, the other three are empty space.

Against the back wall (upstage left) there is a single bed with meditation cushions in a neat pile at its foot and a large poster of a Tibetan Buddha on the wall above it.

Next to the bed is a bedside table and there is a shelf on the wall above it decorated with Tibetan prayer flags. The shelf contains a few Buddhist books and a statue of Green Tara.

Further along is a gas heater, a stove, and a table with cooking implements, plates, etc. There is a small window in the wall above the table (upstage centre).

There is a door at the back of the hut, and a threadbare armchair on the other side of it (upstage right). There is a stool in the corner of the room (downstage right).

At the front of the stage a small shrine has been set up – a low rectangular wooden table with candles, water bowls and wax flowers in front of a golden Buddha statue (downstage centre). There is a Tibetan singing bowl on an ornate cushion next to the shrine.

LUKE is kneeling in front of the shrine. He is in his thirties.

He is clean shaven, has a crew cut and is dressed in practical outdoor wear – a maroon fleece, hiking socks.

He is holding a small porcelain jug of water. There’s a row of eight small bowls on the shrine. Five are already full of water, the other three are upside down.

He turns over the sixth bowl and very carefully fills it with water, then places it back on the shrine. He does the same with the next two bowls.

He puts the empty jug on to the floor, takes out a box of matches and carefully lights the three candles on the shrine.

He blows out the match then takes a white cloth from a cardboard box on the floor nearby. He carefully removes a (branded) chocolate bar from inside the box and places it on the shrine.

Then, facing the shrine, he walks back several paces. He puts his hands together in ‘prayer position’ at his chest, closes his eyes for a beat.

He opens his eyes and moves his hands together up to his forehead – then down to his throat – then back to his chest – then drops to his knees, puts his palms on the floor in front of him and puts his forehead on the floor, lifting his palms above his head. Then he gets to his feet, goes back to his starting position. He completes the prostration three times.

Then he crosses to the meditation cushions and places them carefully in the centre of the room. He sits on the cushions, facing the shrine.

He takes a wooden stick and strikes the rim of the singing bowl, creating a distinctive tone which rings out.

After a beat he picks up a mala (Buddhist rosary beads), places it in his left hand. He starts to chant, counting each mantra with the click of a bead as he does so:

LUKE. Om mani padme hum – Om mani padme hum – Om mani padme hum

The door quietly opens and TONY enters. TONY is also in his thirties, dressed in more urban clothing and carrying a rucksack. He has a scarf and hat on.

Om mani padme hum – Om mani padme hum – Om mani padme hum

TONY quietly approaches LUKE and watches him for a moment. LUKE doesn’t notice him, he’s so deep in concentration.

Om mani padme hum – Om mani padme hum – Om mani padme hum

After a beat TONY quietly steps further inside the hut. He goes over to the bed – looks through the books on the shelf.

Om mani padme hum – Om mani padme hum – Om mani padme hum

Then he goes over to the kitchen area. Looks through the cooking implements.

TONY picks up a container of metal spoons – then deliberately drops the spoons on the stone floor, making a loud noise.

LUKE leaps up in shock, turns round.

(Freaked.) Aaaaahhh!

TONY (mock-freaked). Aaaaaaahhhhhh!

LUKE (scared). I haven’t got anything, take it all!

TONY. Cheers, but I’ve got enough spoons as it goes.

TONY takes off his hat and scarf, revealing his face.

LUKE. Tony??

TONY. Just thought I’d pay you a little visit. You don’t mind do you? It’s been too long.

LUKE. How – how did you get here?

TONY. Train to Glasgow, bus to Inverness, hitched. Then when I finally got here I had to walk up a fucking mountain and get past your bouncers – a couple of baldy monks in purple robes.

LUKE. Didn’t you think about – phoning ahead?

TONY. I did – last week. They said I couldn’t talk to you, or even leave a fucking message.

LUKE. They’re not supposed to disturb me while I’m on retreat.

TONY. What if it’s important?

LUKE. I guess they have to make a judgement on how important it is…

TONY. Right, and you told them: ‘if it’s Tony, it’s definitely not important – in fact make sure you tell him to go fuck himself.’

LUKE. No, I never even mentioned you actually.

TONY. It is important, as a matter of fact. Really important. Yeah, I’ve got news. Big news.

LUKE. Right?

TONY. The thing is… I don’t know how to say this… but… it’s – Raymond.

Beat.

Raymond’s dead.

LUKE takes this in.

It happened last week. He had a stroke. Brain haemorrhage. Totally out of the blue. He was in hospital for about five days and then – that was it.

LUKE. Right.

Beat – then:

Who’s – Raymond?

TONY. Dad’s uncle. Uncle Raymond.

LUKE. Oh right. In Canada?

TONY. Yup.

LUKE. Didn’t Dad used to call him Ray?

TONY. Raymond, Ray – what does it matter? The point is, he’s dead.

LUKE. Right.

TONY. Yeah. It must be a bit of a shock.

LUKE. Was he, in pain when he died, or…?

TONY. I dunno. I didn’t get a chance to actually see him. I mean he’s in Canada, so.

LUKE. Right.

TONY. So. The funeral’s next week.

LUKE. Okay.

TONY. Vancouver. It’s about ten hours away. But it’s off-season, so we could get tickets pretty cheap.

LUKE. Okay. Normally, of course I’d come… but right now it’s difficult. I’m kind of – busy.

TONY. Doing what?

LUKE. My retreat. It’s a three-month retreat on compassion. I’ve still got over a month to go, so…

TONY. You’re so busy being compassionate you can’t go to Uncle Ray’s funeral?

LUKE. We never actually met him.

TONY. Yeah we did.

LUKE. When?

TONY. When he...