Adaptation and Well-Being

Meeting the Challenges of Life

Knud Larsen

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2017
• ISBN:
  9781351606189
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Psychology
• Subtopic: History & Theory in Psychology
• Index: Psychology

Knowing how to live a long, happy and healthy life is a universal desire of humankind. Adaptation and Well-Being is a narrative of the human journey from the formation of identity and developing a healthy self-concept, to end of life issues of death and dying. Combining psychological, evolutionary and sociological approaches, the author interprets research from various stages of human development and adaptation. The focus of the book is on how to meet the challenges of life and achieve optimal health and well-being. It is valuable reading for students on life-span courses in counselling and therapy, developmental psychology and social gerontology, tertiary courses such as social work/ social welfare and nursing, and practitioners in these fields.

1Identity and meaning

Moving toward a healthy self-concept

The journey that leads to adult adaptation starts with the formation of personal identity. In this introductory chapter, we will discuss the self and the self-concept. What we conceive of as “the self” is the deposit of all that we associate with ourselves: our knowledge, strengths, shortcomings and the nature of our relationships. Before exploring the many facets related to individual good health and adaptation, it is important to examine the self-concept. Research on the self-concept seeks to answer general questions about self-knowledge and to what degree we are self-aware. Although all people have some elementary awareness of their unique distinctive traits (how they differ from others), there is a great deal of variation between people in self-awareness and self-understanding.

Ego defenses are constantly at play to help people ignore personal deficits and present a more acceptable image of the self to others, but indeed also a better self-image. The self-concept includes perceptions of individual personality and traits like a person’s relative efficacy and how other people feel about these traits. We do not develop in a cultural vacuum, so the self-concept also reflects the social and cultural context of life and how cultural values are mediated by relationships with families and among friends (Larsen & Le Van, 2013; Leary, 2003).

As all people are subject to the socializing forces of family and society, people develop several selves that respond to what is considered important in a given social group or community. Most people have some awareness of how closely their self-accepted ideals in behavior and achievements are matched to social norms or, conversely, how incongruent their real selves are compared to what is believed to be the ideal self. It is easy to understand that if the actual self is not consistent with the ideal or “ought” self (the latter reflecting duties and responsibilities), this discrepancy is a source of unhappy emotions and dejection. However, the self-concept is often distorted in a positive direction in the interest of better mental health (Baumeister, 1998; Taylor & Brown, 1988).

Another important component of the self-concept is the concept of “possible selves” referring to what an individual might achieve in the future. A healthy person has positive views of what he or she can achieve over time and some self-knowledge about how to reach treasured goals and desired accomplishments. A more tortured soul worries about the dreaded aspects of his or her future life. Many people live with little hope, given their socio-economic conditions and social oppression. For people imprisoned in hopelessness, this vision of the possible self is negative and not a motivator, since life is anticipated with apprehension. However, within the context of the environment, people can actively avoid the fate they dread and create a better future.

Any aspect of the self can only be understood within the socio-cultural context in which a person is embedded. Some researchers argue that the self is simply an adaptation to the cultural environment, helping a person survive and prosper through conformity to social rules. In individualistic cultures, society approves of personality traits that reflect personal distinction in achievement and that demonstrate individualism and self-assertion. In contrast, in collectivistic cultures, the group and relationships to others is valued higher than enhancement of the self. Despite the long history of these cultural differences, it is also clear that cultural values are in a flux and the global village influence requires flexibility for all who aim to be successful and achieve important personal goals (Larsen & Le Van, 2013).

Who are you? Discovery through self-disclosure

It is only through relationships in the family and among friends that we get to know ourselves. Although self-knowledge is a gradual process, it is a precondition that we first know ourselves at some depth before we can understand others and their reactions, fears and aspirations. Maladaptation often occurs from social isolation where the individual has not made himself or herself known to other people and therefore has no basis for understanding either themselves or their impact on others. To grow in relationships by moving from friendship to greater intimacy requires self-disclosure where a person is willing to reveal feelings, fears and doubts to another person.

For good mental health, it is not necessary to be popular or have a large number of friends, but all people need at least one person to whom they can be known and who will accept them despite shortcomings. Self-disclosure is the key to any meaningful relationship, and it is especially important in intimate and long-lasting relationships. If a person is unwilling to self-disclose there is no basis for others to predict feelings or behavior except non-verbal cues that, in turn, can easily be misunderstood. A lack of self-disclosure creates an atmosphere of discomfort, and it is only human to avoid secretive people in favor of those who want to share the journey of life.

People, however, are only willing to self-disclose in an atmosphere of warmth and trust. A person could make some initial steps by telling others about the desire to build more trust and gradually share more intimate thoughts. Self-disclosure is about personal information that most people think is private and generally would not share publicly, but only discuss with those who are trusted. A person thinking about self-disclosure must ask themselves important questions like could the information shared be used against them in some negative way or be misunderstood? Another consideration is whether the situation is right for this type of personal exchange; for example, is there sufficient time for feelings to be shared and feedback obtained?

The level of self-disclosure should be appropriate to the importance of the relationship. Some people reveal private information too early in a relationship, which can be overwhelming and frightening to another person. Interpersonal sensitivity is a guide to what is acceptable to disclose and how much information is appropriate to each stage of a relationship as people move gradually from acquaintance to friendship and then to intimate relationships. However, without two-way self-disclosure, it is likely that others will misunderstand behavior since they have to rely on interpretations of the situation that form the context of behavior or what gossip they may hear from others. On the positive side, as the process of self-disclosure exchanges move forward and people mutually reveal deeper private thoughts, a gradual trust develops based on mutual understanding that also encourages feelings of closeness.

Since people live in a globalized world today, it is important to be attuned to intercultural differences in types and amounts of self-disclosure and the acceptable parameters about private thoughts. For example, what might be considered healthy self-disclosure in Western societies could be experienced as intrusive and offensive in Asian countries. Gender differences in self-disclosure are supported by research, as women tend to value relationships more than men and are more willing to share personal information with female friends. As a result, women tend to have more friends and more intimate relationships than men (Kilmartin, 2007; Larsen & Le Van, 2013).

An influential concept called the Johari window explains that as a person becomes more aware, he or she will both give and receive personal information. The “open self” represents what a person knows about the self and what others also know. Within the open self, communication is free and non-­defensive. However, there are things that we don’t know about ourselves, but that are still communicated to others in the “blind self”. Ego defenses often prevent awareness of salient and perhaps negative aspects of our self-concept that nevertheless are expressed in behavior for others to observe.

Then there are aspects of the self that the person knows, for example, salient beliefs, feelings and behaviors that people, because of social sanctions, don’t want others to know. For example, an atheist in a rigidly dogmatic and punitive religious country would find it wise to keep silent. The only way others can know this hidden self is if the individual decides to self-disclose to a significant other or therapist. Finally, there is the component of the self that is unknown to the individual and also unknown to others. Perhaps a person has a special talent but has no self-knowledge of this gift, since he or she was never in a situation that allowed it to develop. This area of the self is outside of communication (Pearson, Nelson, Titsworth & Harter, 2003).

The Johari window concept suggests that relationships are essential to learn about the self since it is by means of communication with others that people form their self-concept. Relationships develop when based on transparency where authentic feelings and thoughts are revealed through self-disclosure. Self-disclosure is essential for mental health. Stress and unhappiness follow when people are defensive and withhold salient information. Mental health is promoted by talking about feelings and sharing information, whether in successful relationships or in counseling. Moving toward important goals in life requires a well-integrated self that largely develops in relationship with others (Santrock, 2006).

Vignette: My self-concept

There is an old Jewish saying, “may you live in interesting times”—a subtle curse, I think. I certainly lived in interesting times, being born in 1938 when the world was in crisis, coping with Nazi oppression and war. I grew up in a loving family. As a small child, I fondly remember my father visiting the baker in the morning to bring back Sunday breakfast, which my mother, father, older brother Peter and I would eat in bed. It was a loving home. My grandparents owned a small garden with a summer house outside the city where we would gather often to celebrate family returning from Copenhagen or other places. My father and mother were each blessed with 12 brothers and sisters, so there was always some happy activity, especially in the summer. Our city was idyllic (from a child’s perspective) and was called Silkeborg (Silk Castle) by Gudenaa (River of the Gods) near our colossal (a couple of hundred feet high) mountain called the Mountain of Heaven. We would often sail to the Mountain of Heaven to pick blueberries and picnic, and if we were good we would get a red soda.

In the fall, my brother and I would become saintly and attend Sunday school at the Salvation Army, where we had to be present for some weeks to get the goodie bag at Christmas that contained cookies, apples and perhaps a piece of candy. My brother was holier than I. One time he came home and complained loudly to our parents that during the service I had fallen asleep and rolled off the bench.

On 9 April 1940, the Nazis rolled over the border and the German occupation began. At first the rules were mild, as Hitler and his representatives wanted to win the Danes for the Nazi cause. But after the attack on the Soviet Union, the gloves came off on both sides and many Danes entered some form of resistance. For example, our mothers would knit woolen hats in the colors of the RAF that we would boldly wear until the Germans caught on to what they meant. For my brother and me, life changed. I don’t remember sitting around in circles singing, but somehow we learned the anti-Nazi liberation songs. To this day, it is the only one I remember from my childhood.

“A winter long and dark

For five damned years

Hunger, desperation and longing

Have embraced the country

Despite the terror and violence

A people’s will has been unleashed.

Go to resistance, all men as one and make Denmark free.”

It became a point of bravery for my brother and me to sing the song while walking as close as we dared to the Nazi soldiers.

One day in early childhood, I sat in the kitchen sink as my mother bathed me. We heard a horrifying noise getting closer, and soon we saw war planes at tree level crossing the city to bomb Nazi targets. My family was now in the resistance; I learned early that I was a Dane and not a German, and what was right and wrong. Several sabotage units operated in Silkeborg with the mid-Jutland region resistance taking out train tracks and bridges. My father was a lookout for some of these operations.

These early experiences informed my self-knowledge and my ethnicity. I greatly admired my father and his willingness to take risks on behalf of a good and great cause. Where most people in the world, at least in the West, go for activities that enhance the self, he had found a broader meaning in helping others. Although it was a low intensity war in Silkeborg, it was real for the 18 or so young men who were killed resisting in the city. As the war came to an end, refugees from Hungary and displaced Germans began to flood over the border. My parents came to the aid of those who had been our enemies and brought soup to the hundreds who were dying as they approached Silkeborg. These early experiences formed the basis of my values and self-identity that still frame my understanding of life and meaning.

What is your self-worth?

A great deal of research on self-esteem and self-worth has been carried out in Western individualistic societies. Self-esteem is considered an important component of the self-image in individualistic societies. On the other hand, people in collectivistic cultures obsess less about the self since relationships with others are more salient. Culture creates boundaries for both self-esteem and self-enhancement. Many studies show how motivations, emotions and behaviors are shaped by cultural conceptions of the self (Heine, 2005; Larsen & Le Van, 2013; Markus & Kitayama, 1991).

It is important to remember that self-esteem is a subjective estimate, that people who report high self-esteem may also be narcissistic and grandiose and people with low self-esteem may express some unjustified fundamental insecurity and feelings of inferiority. Real self-esteem is based on social efficacies, like athletic or scholastic achievement or interpersonal competence. Since physical attractiveness is socially appreciated in all cultures, that trait may also impact a person’s self-esteem. The level of self-esteem can be consistent and reliable for extended periods of time, but it can also fluctuate, especially in response to life-changing events, like loss of a job or trouble in a relationship. The impact of lifespan struggles can be seen, since self-esteem is high during the childhood period, decreases somewhat during adolescence when all young people are trying to find a place in the world and increases in adulthood when people find solutions to career and relationship problems, until by late adulthood, self-esteem decreases again at a time when people feel less relevant.

Girls and women report lower self-esteem compared to boys and men throughout life. Perhaps girls and women have higher self-expectations of moral and ethical behavior compared to men and boys, and these higher self-expectations are more difficult to reach, creating a larger difference between the real and ideal self. The gender difference in self-esteem can also be a reaction to the lower social evaluation of females compared to men, since many societies place a higher value on boys and men. Girls in adolescence also experience more preoccupation with body image, and self-esteem decline is greater among females than comparative adolescent boys. Self-esteem is a basic trait that correlates with indices of happiness. Although these studies are correlational, it seems likely that self-esteem, when shored up by efficacy, contributes to well-being and happiness. Likewise, low self-esteem is correlated to negative and self-destructive behaviors including anorexia nervosa, depression and suicidal behaviour (Osvath, Voros & Fekete, 2004; Robins, Trzesniewski, Tracey, Potter & Gosling, 2002; Robins & Trzesniewski, 2005).

Life is a struggle, and there is no permanent security unless a person submits to and agrees with dogmatic answers about life. However, dogmatic solutions often create more questions and insecurities, which can be manifested in low self-esteem. Therefore, it is much better to face up to a problem than to try to escape or avoid dealing with the issue. Coping honestly with life creates self-respect, and as problems are solved, coping also produces an increased feeling of self-efficacy. The question is: what can we accomplish today to improve our lives despite objective limitations? We are not alone on the human journey, and seeking emotional support is a healthy response to the problems of life, including those that occur in relationships. Some relationships become toxic, and if it is not possible to change deplorable behaviors and feelings, then separation becomes essential for emotional health. However, having a deep friendship is important and can often compensate for the disappointments experienced in families.

Identity development

Self-identity is built on integrated conceptualizations where the self is experienced consistently over time. The components of life that are reflected in identity include occupations, political and religious values and beliefs, cultural membership and broad social interests. In understanding identity, people seek an answer to the question of who am I? How am I going to organize my life and what choices do I need to make? The issues of identity are confronted throughout life, but are especially salient and disturbing during youth. Many adolescents and young adults do not have a...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Series
• Half-Title
• Title
• Copyright
• Dedication
• Contents
• List of vignettes
• Dedication
• Introduction
• 1 Identity and meaning: Moving toward a healthy self-concept
• 2 Developing emotional maturity and emotional intelligence
• 3 Communication: The key to effective living
• 4 Human sexuality
• 5 Gender and human happiness
• 6 Friends, lovers and marriage: Is lasting love possible?
• 7 Stress and illness: Maladaptation or coping rationally with adversity
• 8 Rational or irrational appraisal of the situation: Stress and post-traumatic disorder
• 9 The search for meaning and living life to the fullest
• 10 Finding the balance: Meeting the challenges of midlife
• 11 Death and dying: Denial and acceptance
• 12 Living a long and healthy life: Socio-economic status and positive human psychology
• References
• Index