Shared Experiences in Human Communication

Stewart L. Tubbs

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2020
• ISBN:
  9781351306546
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Languages & Linguistics
• Subtopic: Communication Studies
• Index: Languages & Linguistics

A novel approach to traditional subjects, the wide variety of opinions, and the extensive introductory material lift this book out of the ordinary "readings" class, and will reward the reader with understanding and appreciation of a complex subject. This collection of 37 provocative selections on human communication shares with the reader the experience and insights of some of the best minds in the discipline. The selections for the most part deal with traditional communication topics in a novel way. For example, in the chapter on verbal communication, there is a selection on profane language; in the chapter on nonverbal communication, there is a section entitled "The Silent Language of Love"; in the chapter on small group communication, there's the Parkinson article on laws in groups; and in the chapter on mass communication, there's one on today's interest in sexually oriented magazines. The entire spectrum of topics usually found in beginning courses in speech communication is here. An extensive Section Two includes discussion on the psychological and transactional analysis views of communication. A brief introduction precedes each section focusing on the key ideas of each reading. Sources include the Journal of Communication, Industry Week, Journalism Quarterly, Psychology Today, Supervisory Management, Journal of Social Issues, Harvard Business Review, and Today's Speech.

1
FUNDAMENTAL CONCEPTS OF HUMAN COMMUNICATION

In the first article Johnson makes a persuasive case in favor of learning to improve human communication skills. He focuses on interpersonal skills which will help us in our daily communication activities. He also outlines a five-step process for learning a new communication skill.

In the second and third articles the authors discuss some basic but profound issues related to communication theory. Barnlund talks about a meaning-centered philosophy of communication. That is, a philosophy which emphasizes the importance of creating meanings in the mind of a receiver which are consistent with those we intended to send. Note specifically his point that communication is irreversible and unrepeatable. Try to think of situations in your experience in which this has been true. Westley and MacLean focus their discussion of communication around a conceptual model. Although communication models are a dime a dozen, this one has stood the test of time. Also their discussion is particularly relevant since they discuss communication across contexts which range from face to face to mass as we do throughout this book.

Gibb’s article on defensive communication is one of the best available on the subject. This article extends the idea that communication involves both content and relationship aspects. It also offers specific evidence on how to be confirming (supportive climate) as opposed to disconfirming (defensive climate). As Gibb points out, the applications of these concepts are numerous.

David W. Johnson

THE IMPORTANCE OF INTERPERSONAL SKILLS

One of the most distinctive aspects of being alive is the potential for joy, fun, excitement, caring, warmth, and personal fulfillment in your relationships with other people. Making new friends, deepening ongoing relationships, even falling in love, depend upon your interpersonal skills. Much of human society and human action seems based upon the liking people have for each other. The words which name degrees of interpersonal attraction, such as like, love, dislike, and hate, are among the most frequently used words in the English language. Because man is a social animal, most of his happiness and fulfillment rests upon his ability to relate effectively to other humans. In addition, the foundations of all civilizations rest upon man’s ability to cooperate with other humans and to coordinate his actions with theirs. We are dependent upon other people for much of our personal happiness and fulfillment, and we must work effectively with other people in order to engage in our vocations and avocations competently. There is no way to overemphasize the importance of interpersonal skills in our lives.

What makes us human is the way in which we interact with other people. To the extent that our relationships reflect concern, friendship, love, caring, helping, kindness, and responsiveness we are becoming more human. To the extent that our relationships reflect the opposite of such qualities as these we are becoming more inhuman. It is the cruelty to and the destruction of other people that we label inhumane; it is the positive involvement with other people which we label humane.

Effective interpersonal skills do not just happen, nor do they appear magically; they are learned. The purpose of this essay is to help you increase your skills in initiating, developing, and maintaining effective, fulfilling relationships with other people. For those of us whose work requires a great deal of interaction with other people (such as teachers, counselors, supervisors, social workers), the ability to relate to other individuals in productive and meaningful ways is a necessity. For those of us who feel that our growth and development as a person depend upon the quality of our personal friendships, the skills involved in creating such relationships are a necessity. This book is aimed at helping you to increase your interpersonal skills whether in order to improve your job performance or to find greater satisfaction in your friendships. Increasing those skills will also lead to an increasing capacity to be human.

SELF-ACTUALIZATION

The rapid technological change we have been experiencing for the past several decades has resulted in rapid cultural change within our society. Our culture seems to be changing from an emphasis on achievement to an emphasis upon self-actualization, from self-control to self-expression, from independence to interdependence, from endurance of stress to a capacity for joy, from full employment to full lives. The values of our society seem to be changing from an achievement-oriented, puritanical emphasis to a self-actualizing emphasis on the development of personal resources and the experiencing of joy and a sense of fulfillment in one’s life. Mobility has become a hallmark of our society; the people we know and love today may be hundreds of miles away tomorrow. Several times in our lives we may be faced with beginning new relationships with a group of people whom we don’t know. The ability to develop relationships which actualize our personal resources and in which we experience joy and a sense of fulfillment is becoming more and more crucial. The ability to initiate and terminate relationships is becoming more and more of a necessity.

Many psychologists believe that there is a drive for an organism to actualize its potentialities, that is, a drive towards self-actualization. Whether or not there is such a drive, it is apparent that self-actualization is an increasingly important concern for many people. Self-actualization consists primarily of being time-competent, that is, of having the ability to tie the past and the future to the present in meaningful continuity while fully living in the present. The self-actualized person appears to be less burdened by guilts, regrets, and resentments from the past than is the nonself-actualizing person, and his aspirations are tied meaningfully to present working goals.

Self-actualization is also dependent upon being autonomous. In order to understand autonomy it is necessary to differentiate between inner and other directedness. The inner-directed person adopted early in life a small number of values and principles which he rigidly adheres to no matter what the situation in which he finds himself is like. The other-directed person receives guidance and direction from the people he relates to; his behavior conforms rigidly to whatever is necessary to gain the approval of other people. The autonomous person is liberated from rigid adherence to parental values or to social presures and expectancies. He flexibly applies his values and principles in order to behave in ways appropriate to the situations he is in.

The time-competence and the autonomy of the self-actualizing person are related in the sense that a person who lives primarily in the present relies more upon his own support and expressiveness than does a person living primarily in the past or in the future. To live fully in the present means that you must be autonomous of both rigid inner values and excessive needs to conform to social prescriptions to obtain approval from other people.

Self-actualization is achieved through relating to other people in time-competent and autonomous ways. A person’s interpersonal skills are the foundation for his self-actualization. Whether we are aged 6,16, or 60, the level of our interpersonal skills largely determines how effective and happy we are. In the following section the specific skills involved in creating self-actualizing relationships will be discussed.

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS

To initiate, develop, and maintain effective and fulfilling relationships certain basic skills must be present. These skills generally fall into four areas: (1) knowing and trusting each other, (2) accurately and unambiguously understanding each other, (3) influencing and helping each other, and (4) constructively resolving problems and conflicts in your relationship.

The first area of skill development involves self-disclosure, self-awareness, self-acceptance, and trust. There must be a high level of trust between you and the other person in order for you to get to know each other. Getting to know each other involves disclosing how you are reacting to and feeling about what is presently taking place. Such openness depends upon your self-awareness and your self-acceptance; if you are unaware of your feelings and reactions you cannot communicate them to another person and if you cannot accept your feelings and reactions you will try to hide them.

The second area of skill development focuses upon being able to communicate your ideas and feelings accurately and unambiguously. Especially important is the communication of warmth and liking. Unless you feel the other person likes you and he feels that you like him, a relationship will not grow.

When a friend asks you for help, what is the best way to respond? When someone you know is going through a personal or family crisis and needs your support, what is the best way to express your concern? The third area of skill development concerns mutual support and influence in the relationship. Responding in helpful ways to another person’s problems and concerns, communicating acceptance and support, constructively confronting a friend, using reinforcement and modeling to influence another person’s behavior are all important relationship skills.

Finally, learning how to resolve problems and conflicts in ways that bring you and the other person closer together and facilitate the growth and development of the relationship is vitally important to maintaining a relationship.

THE APPLICATION OF BEHAVIORAL SCIENCE RESEARCH TO INTERPERSONAL SKILLS

Relating to other individuals in effective and productive ways is a vital need of modern society. We have at our disposal a vast amount of behavioral science research on interpersonal dynamics. Yet this knowledge has not been translated into a form useful to individuals who wish to apply it to increase their interpersonal skills. This essay aims to fill the gap between the findings of research on interpersonal interaction and the application of this knowledge to the development of interpersonal skills.

To make this essay as readable as possible, however, a minimum of footnote references to research and theory are included. This does not mean that there is no empirical support for the behaviors recommended. The basic skills which determine a person’s interpersonal effectiveness have been identified from the results of the author’s research (Johnson, 1966, 1967, 1971a, 1971b, 1971c; Johnson and Dustin, 1970; Johnson and Lewicki, 1969), from the results of the research on effective therapeutic relationships (for example, Truax and Carkhuff, 1967; Bierman, 1969; Strupp and Bergin, 1969), and from the results of the social psychological research on interpersonal relationships (see Johnson, 1970, 1972; Watson and Johnson, 1972).

Any individual concerned with increasing his interpersonal skills, and any practitioners who work with other people, will find this essay helpful. It is not a review of the theory and research for scholars. It translates the findings of theory and research on interpersonal relations into a program for developing the skills necessary for forming effective and fulfilling relationships with other people. Any individual, from a teenager to an elderly person, will be able to comprehend easily the material in this essay.

CO-ORIENTATION

In building a relationship two individuals must be co-oriented; that is, they must operate under the same norms and adhere to the same values. The co-orientation does not have to be perfect; rewarding relationships are quite common between individuals from different cultures and different backgrounds. But in order to develop a relationship you must agree upon the norms and values which will determine your behavior in your relationship.

Norms refer to common expectations about the behavior appropriate for you and the other person in the relationship. Whether you ask each other to do favors, how personal your discussions are, what types of things you can a relationship depend to a large extent upon the values the two individuals agree to adhere to in the relationship. The skills emphasized in this essay will set norms about expected behavior in a relationship (that is, you should self-disclose, build trust, be supportive and accepting, try to help each other, and so on), and they are based upon a set of humanistic values (that is, you should assume responsibility for your ideas and feelings, strive towards self-actualization, engage in cooperative interaction, and have the capacity for intimate and personal relationships). Using the skills presented in your interaction with other people will promote norms which facilitate the development of effective and fulfilling relationships.

Often the establishment of mutual norms and values concerning how you and the other person are going to relate is more important than the actual technical interpersonal skills the two of you have. The mutual commitment to face differences and conflicts and resolve them constructively, for example, may be more important in facilitating the growth of the relationship than the actual technical skill you have for resolving conflicts constructively. Or the mutual commitment to be self-disclosing and genuine w...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half Title
• Title Page
• Dedication Page
• PREFACE
• CONTENTS
• Introduction
• 1. Fundamental Concepts of Human Communication
• 2. Verbal Communication
• 3. Nonverbal Messages
• 4. Two-Person Communication
• 5. Small Group Communication
• 6. Public Communication
• 7. Communication in Organizations
• 8. Mass Communication
• Appendices
• Index