Maintaining Relationships Through Communication

Relational, Contextual, and Cultural Variations

Daniel J. Canary, Marianne Dainton

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2003
• ISBN:
  9781135642891
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Languages & Linguistics
• Subtopic: Communication Studies
• Index: Languages & Linguistics

Relational maintenance provides a rallying point for those seeking to discover the behaviors that individuals utilize to sustain their personal relationships. Theoretical models, research programs, and specific studies have examined how people in a variety of close relationships choose to define and maintain those relationships. In addition, relational maintenance turns our attention to communicative processes that help people sustain their close relationships. In this collection, editors Daniel J. Canary and Marianne Dainton focus on the communicative processes critical to the maintenance and enhancement of personal relationships. The volume considers variations in maintaining different types of personal relationships; structural constraints on relationship maintenance; and cultural variations in relational maintenance. Contributions to the volume cover a broad range of relational types, including romantic relationships, family relationships, long-distance relationships, workplace relationships, and Gay and Lesbian relationships, among others. Maintaining Relationships Through Communication: Relational, Contextual, and Cultural Variations synthesizes current research in relationship maintenance, emphasizes the ways that behaviors vary in their maintenance functions across relational contexts, discusses alternative explanations for maintaining relationships, and presents avenues for future research. As such, it is intended for students and scholars studying interpersonal communication and personal relationships.

I
Maintaining Different Types of Relationships

2
Maintaining Family Relationships

Sally Vogl-Bauer
University of Wisconsin-Whitewater

Of all the relation types studied, perhaps the ones most negleted, overlooked, or taken for granted by individuals are those of familial origin. Societal clichés about family relationships abound, such as "your family is always there for you" or "blood is thicker than water." Yet little time or research has been done on how families maintain "the ties that bind." In fact, casual observers might postulate that people do not care about their families because family members are often treated less favorably than individuals having no biological or legal connection.

When research first began on relational maintenance in the 1980s, strategically working on sustaining existing relationships was a relatively new concept (Ayres, 1983; Dindia & Canary, 1993). As research on relationship maintenance grew, the primary focus was on how to maintain marital or romantic relationships (Fitzpatrick & Badzinski, 1994). Strong marital relationships are extremely important for families. However, there are some problems deducing family relational maintenance from what is known about marital relational maintenance. First, relational maintenance activities might vary dramatically in accordance to the type of relationship under investigation (Dindia & Canary, 1993). Second, the majority of family relationships are characterized as relationships of circumstance (McGoldrick, Heiman, & Carter, 1993; Peterson, 1986; Vangelisti, 1993). Marital relationships are perceived as relationships of choice. Particularly in western culture, it is customary to choose one's marital partner. Although these distinctions are not inherently problematic, it becomes an important issue if other family relationships are ignored when attempting to explain and examine how individuals maintain family relationships.

Vangelisti's (1993) essay on communication in the family was one of the first to discuss the maintenance of family relationships. This is a rather large task and several approaches could be taken. The primary goal of this chapter is to examine family relational maintenance by integrating research on family communication patterns with the findings on relational maintenance strategies. In either case, research examining family relational maintenance is still in the preliminary stages of development. This chapter first examines the relationship between relational maintenance and communication in families and developmental issues relevant to relational maintenance. Research in both areas has important implications for understanding family maintenance across the lifespan (Stafford & Bayer, 1993). Second, this chapter explores three possible theoretical frameworks for examining family maintenance: Systems Theory, Exchange Theories, and Relational Dialectics Theory. Each perspective has been incorporated either implicitly or explicitly in scholarship relevant to relational maintenance (Dindia & Canary 1993). The final section discusses the role technology may play in family relational maintenance now and in the future.

Family Maintenance, Communication, and Developmental Issues

When examining family relational maintenance two issues are at the forefront: communication in families and family developmental issues. Numerous scholars have highlighted the importance of communication for families (Bhushan, 1993; Fitzpatrick & Badzinski, 1985, 1994). Unfortunately, very little research specifically focuses on families' communication strategies for maintaining relationships. When families are studied across the lifespan, different familial challenges may influence relational maintenance (McGoldrick et al., 1993). Thus, each area is examined in greater detail, to underscore the relationship of communication and developmental issues to family relational maintenance.

Communication in Families

The value of communication in family relationships is significant, however, the importance of family communication has not always been acknowledged. When Fitzpatrick and Badzinski (1985) reviewed communication behavior in families, they reported that many family theories either had ignored or undervalued the role of communication, despite the fact that families are the primary context wherein children learn effective interaction skills (Booth-Butterfield & Sidelinger, 1997; Noller, 1995). When Fitzpatrick and Badzinski (1994) updated their review of family communication research, the significance of communication in families was becoming more apparent, as scholarship published both inside and outside of the field of communication touts the importance of communication for families (Bhushan, 1993; Booth-Butterfield & Sidelinger, 1997).

Relational maintenance behaviors provide an important avenue for examining the communication dynamics in families. Relational maintenance behaviors are primarily demonstrated through the use of verbal and nonverbal messages. What family members say to each other, as well as their behavioral patterns, serve as a reflection for how families maintain their relationships. Specifically, the exchange of messages between family members is paramount to demonstrate three different strategies of relationship maintenance: positivity, openness, and assurance. Although actual behaviors can supplement these efforts, family members typically satisfy these patterns through frequent or routine verbal interactions between members (Miller & Lane, 1991). Although the relationship between the relational maintenance strategies of positivity, openness, and assurance identified by Stafford and Canary (1991) to communication is evident, the relational maintenance strategies of shared networks and shared tasks can be easily linked to family interaction. For example, when family members participate in shared activities (e.g., eat dinner together, go on a family vacation) or interact with similar groups of people (e.g., attend a neighborhood block party), the event serves as a catalyst for one-on-one exchanges between family members. As a result, if research is going to address how families maintain their relationships, communication should play an integral role in the process (Bhushan, 1993).

Unfortunately, there is a dearth of research explicitly studying maintenance strategies by families. Thus, in order to make assumptions about family maintenance behaviors, connections to relevant communication variables influencing family maintenance must be made. One such example is the significance of listening skills. Family members' listening skills are critical to whether or not family relational maintenance strategies have the opportunity to work effectively (Nelson & Lott, 1990). Effective listening conveys involvement with and attention to other family members (Galvin & Brommel, 2000; Steen & Schwartz, 1995); behaviors inherently helpful to maintaining family relationships. Although it is important for all family members to listen effectively, parents may find that listening to their children can be especially challenging. "Parents especially get extremely ego-involved with their kids; they take things even more personally, because they feel they may not be good-enough parents" (Nelson & Lott, 1990, pp. 229-230). As a result, if family members believe that their voice is not being heard correctly, either parent or child may withdraw, or modify their maintenance messages to coincide with the relational dynamics. The maintenance strategies most likely to be impacted by this type of exchange are openness, positivity, and assurance because the reduction in overall family exchanges is likely to have a negative impact on the degree of positive or encouraging remarks made.

From a pragmatic perspective, if family members have poor listening skills, their likelihood to withhold information from each other, or inhibit conversation between family members is probably great (Steen & Schwartz, 1995). According to communication boundary management, individuals can determine who has access to personal information in families (Petronio, Ellemers, Giles, & Gallois, 1998). If relational dynamics are questionable, family members are less likely to reveal personal information to others. Research also suggests a positive relationship between how frequently a topic is discussed and the degree of self-disclosure provided by the family member (Noller, 1994). Thus, if family members only talk about a small number of topics with any regularity, family members may place greater restrictions on what they consider private knowledge. Such restrictions are problematic when families attempt to develop relational maintenance patterns. Relational maintenance strategies implicitly, as well as explicitly rely on family members' willingness to self-disclose information to each other. Reduced disclosures are likely to have a negative impact on the family's ability to maintain successful relations between its members.

Developmental Issues

Although families encounter transitional periods across the lifespan, two stages are especially relevant to the study of family relational maintenance: families with adolescent children, and families at midlife and beyond. The period of adolescence and the transformation of families at midlife are particularly relevant to family maintenance for several reasons: (a) each stage presents a series of changes for multiple family members; (b) all family members may actively participate in the family's maintenance during each stage; and (c) the research available on each stage allows for reasonable inferences to family relational maintenance behaviors.

Adolescence. The period of adolescence is often accented due to vast amounts of change occurring for family members (McGoldrick et al., 1993). Adolescent development has been examined from several perspectives, ranging from biological indicators of adolescence to dependency issues for parents and children (Collins & Repinski, 1994). During the years often associated with adolescence (e.g., from ages 11 to 19; Ambert, 1997), a great deal can occur for individual family members that potentially impact all other family members as well, as issues of responsibility and social status change (Boxer & Petersen, 1986). The time frame may get skewed if individuals associate the period of adolescence exclusively with puberty, which typically occurs between the ages of 11 to 17, as opposed to viewing the period of adolescence in terms of successfully establishing autonomy or independence. For example, if financial dependency is a marker for adolescence, the time frame may extend into a person's midtwenties (Ambert, 1997).

One reason adolescence is such a highlighted developmental stage is that there are behavioral, emotional, and value adjustments occurring (Montemayor, 1986; Noller, 1995). Although changes occur at the individual level, family interactions may be impacted on a larger scale. As a result, both parents and adolescents may find themselves modifying their communication patterns to accommodate new situations (Bhushan, 1993), which can be stressful for all parties involved (Hartos & Power, 2000). Furthermore, parent-child exchanges may later influence spousal interactions or sibling relationships. Thus, the ability to maintain family relationships during adolescence can get rather complicated.

Research has shown that the family's influence over children varies during adolescence. Parental ability to influence an adolescent's behaviors may be compounded by social changes occurring, as well as what is being valued by society at the time (Ambert, 1997). One of the more salient features studied during adolescence, the peer group, has received extensive coverage due to its strong influence over children during their early to midteens. Family members are in a potentially precarious position during this period if the relationship between parents and children was not reasonably established early on. After a child reaches 16 to 17 years of age, the influence of family members, parents in particular, could be re-emphasized or strengthened if the relationship was initially solid (Golish, 2000). Thus, family maintenance may "look" different from a few years before. Attachment issues between parents and children compound relational dynamics between family members. In addition, the dialectic between autonomy and connectedness may potentially undermine how and what family members do to maintain their relationships. For example, the type of relational strategy may vary, or perhaps the significance of the strategy for family members may change as family members cope with issues of independence.

The communicative dynamics during adolescence are also complex because parents and adolescents typically have divergent views about perceptions of their family (Noller, 1995). Research has shown that parents tend to perceive and communicate about their families in more optimistic tones, whereas adolescents tend to be more pragmatic to critical in their perceptions and communicative displays about their families (Bhushan, 1993). These discrepancies may make it inherently more complicated for family members to successfully maintain their relationships. It is especially problematic if one family member believes that things are running smoothly, whereas another believes that there are numerous problems in the relationship.

In summary, family relational maintenance experiences flux just like any other relationship. However, marital couples or friendships do not encounter the relational stages encountered by families, in particular the developmental stage of adolescence. Thus, families encounter a set of developmental issues that necessitate flexibility and adjustment in order to accommodate the relational issues encountered during this period of growth and transition.

Families at Midlife and Beyond. Families probably have the longest lifecycle of all relationship types (McGoldrick et al., 1993; Vangelisti, 1993). Thus, as relationships between family members change over time, family relational maintenance behaviors are also likely to adjust accordingly (Weigel & Ballard-Reisch, 1999). Kinship ties offer families an avenue for continued relational maintenance over time. Kinship involves the sustained interaction of families with relatives and friends, with the intent to share, ...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half Title
• Series
• Title
• Copyright
• Contents
• Series Editor’s Foreword
• Preface
• About the Contributors
• Overview
• Part I: Maintaining Different Types of Relationships
• Part II: Contextual Variations in Maintaining Relationships
• Part III: Cultural Variations in Maintaining Relationships
• Part IV: Epilogue
• Author Index
• Subject Index