The dream
A brief introduction warns the reader of what is aheadâwe will understand some meanings that are âobvious, communicated and interpretable according to the rules of grammar and articulate speechâ; we will come to understand other things if we try hard to ascertain subtle changes in rhythms, and then there will be âmodes of thinking to which no known realization has so far been found to approximateâ (MF, p. ix) and so may remain unobserved, like a star that exists far from the purview of our most powerful instruments.
We begin in media res, told only that it is a fictitious account of psychoanalysis including an artificially constructed dream. However, the superior reality of artifice is immediately evoked as we are asked to consider whether a well-drawn fictitious character is not more ârealâ than the drab and conventional unlived lives that surround us. The question of the authenticity of imagined characters will preoccupy Bion, just as it has Pirandello (1921) and Unamuno (1928) before him; for Bion, the existence of realer-than-real imagined characters will encapsulate his belief in psychic reality. As in Ferroâs (1992a) play on the title of Pirandelloâs Six Characters in Search of an Author, Bion is an author in search of characters that will allow him to articulate his history and trace processes of development. A bidirectional process between author and text, the creation of characters, and their reality will inevitably touch on questions of identity:
Every novel, every work of fiction, every poem when it is live is autobiographical. Every fictional being, every poetic personage whom an author creates helps create the author himself.
(Unamuno, 1928, p. 415)
In truth, Bion is already a character created by his minions. Like Jorge Luis Borges who documents this dissociation in Borges and I (1960), Wilfred Bion is a different being from the public Bion, the recipient of worship and/or hatred and different still from the psychoanalyst Bion, represented in the memoir by P.A. How can he possibly give voice to a disorganized mind, when he is already an icon, reified in the minds of those who look toward him? Only through a fiction, a self-reflexive and self-conscious fiction that allows for the representation of fragments of his identity through numerous characters who can then comment on their own creation.
The whole of this book is so far printed can be regarded as an artificial and elaborate construct. I myself, here introduced into the narrative can be regarded as a construct artificially composed with the aid of such artistic and scientific material as I can command a and manipulated to form a representation of an author whose name appears on the book and now, for the second time, as a character in a work of fiction. Is a convincing portrait? Does it appear to âresembleâ reality?
(MF, p. 86)
The memoir will suggest that there is no answer, or to be more precise, no single answer, only an approximation of the truth as the question is explored from numerous vertices.
My reading starts out pleasurably. After all, it is a novel, with dialogue, interaction, and characters in place of topic headings and dried prose. The characters are vivid enough: the maid, Rosemary,1 with her earthy language and practical wisdom; Roland, the weak and desiccated lord of the manor; and his wife, Alice. Recognizable characters, roles we can identify, emotions easy to name if not understandâjealousy, competition, cruelty. Mimesis providing its comforting mirror of the real. The sound of distant gunfire, an undefined danger, always enticing, signals that the world that the characters have known is about to be shaken. An auspicious beginning, as it so often seems to be in analysis, the resistances still in abeyance as the new, hoped for object is approached.
As the section progresses, there is a complete dissolution of all structures of temporality and space. A dream, but whose dream? Who is awake? Who asleep? Are we in daytime or in darkness only dreaming of light? Which of the characters named exist in the novelâs created external reality and which in our reality? Dayânight boundaries abrogated; social positions are quickly reversed; âfictionalâ characters mingle freely with internal objects and self-representations, as well as the sensibilities and sounds specific to animals and primitive species. The style is a sharp contrast to Freudâs orderly approach to the study of mental phenomena; we are literally âinâ someoneâs mind. Theoretical concepts, alpha and beta, come alive and mock the reified status of psychoanalytic jargon. As the dream deepens, all boundaries are lost.
[T]he âfactsâ of daytime and night were defective, mutilated. They were having dreams â mutilated dreams â lacking a dimension like a solid body that casts no shadow in light. The world of reality, facts, was no longer distinguishable from dreams, unconsciousness, night. Thoughts with and thoughts without a thinker replaced a universe where discrimination ruled. Dreams had none of the distinguishing characteristic of mind, feelings, mental representations, formulations. The thinker had no thoughts, the thoughts were without thinkers.
(Ibid., p. 33)
A new character, Paranoid-Schizoid who is not embodied like the others, complains that the language he hears is excruciating, a babble, leaving him unable to distinguish memory from premonition; perhaps in this universe we have suddenly entered, where time and space no longer provide coordinates of meaning, the two perspectives are identical. Is this how words are perceived by the newborn, not quite a self who can receive meaning as we conceive it from a mature perspective, yet still fully responsive to the stimuli around him? The world of a new Depressive Position wonders, âWhat are the rules in this domain of pure thought and how can we ever represent the experiences that take place there ⌠What are the counterparts of disturbances, perturbations, turbulences that are violent, invisible, insensible?â (p. 51). It is clear Roland states that âTime as a concept is as inadequate as topological space to provide a domain for the play of such enormous thoughts as those liberated by freedom from dependence on a thinkerâ (p. 70) and from the âpolarization of âtruth and falsehood.ââ Communication then becomes a problem of form far more than of repressed content. The task seems almost insurmountable:
If you think the problems that we have to solve can be solved in a framework where âthingsâ happen in time and space, with ideas taken from the vocabulary and grammar invented for the senses, we shall fail. It is not unlike solving the problem of joining nine dots, arranged on a plane to form a cube, with four straight lines. You cannot do this and stay within the pattern of the cube.
(Ibid., p. 188)
The Dream section is nearly incomprehensible, obstinate in its assault on our usual structures of understanding. No matter what time of day I pick up the book, I fall into a dreamless sleep after reading only a few pages and awaken with no memory. Like an analyst with a psychotic patient, I wonder, âWhat did I sign on for? Rudderless, insensible, canât he explain himself? Is it worth all the work it will take to comprehend this?â I search for familiar terms to cover the experience, but Bion has undermined that soothing trick:
(More bloody metaphors! Who ever could sort out a mass of verbiage like this?) You could try calling it âParanoid Schizoidâ afterâa long way âafterââMelanie Klein. Good idea. Good dog paranoid schizoid here, here is a nice piece of jargon for you.
(Ibid., p. 59)
I am beginning to truly understand Freudâs (1915/1955a) statement that âHate, as a relation to objects, is older than loveâ (p. 139). Instead of thoughts, I have a visceral sense of being tormented by this bizarre, fragmented universe and an aversion to ever opening this book again.
Bion, now entering the narrative as a character (sometimes called Captain Bion or alternately Myself), suggests that it is a problem of perspective, or from which vertex one is viewing:
The poet or genius can look at the scientist or genius and the revelation, as at the opposite ends of the telescope, are too large and too small to be tolerable or even to be recognizably related. It is felt to be the âfaultâ of the instrument that brings such different objects together. But it might be the âfaultâ of the objects for being so differentâor is it the human animal that has to âuseâ its accumulations of facts, that it has not the experience that would enable it to âunderstandâ what it sees, blind or sightful?
(MF, p. 57)
My capacity for tolerating not knowing is sorely tested. As I type my chosen quotes, they return to the impenetrable, their meaning deleted, evading my grasp. I begin to feel the dread of the paper due, the terror of my colleaguesâ reactions. I call upon my analytic faith that it will come to me, that something will come to me; it always does, that terror does not last forever. I think of my analyst remarking that everyone writes a bad paper, most people more than one; a writing teacher who tells me that dread is part of every writing experience, you just have to push through it. But what is the purpose of this book? Autobiography? Something else?
This book could be hailed as bearing, in itself, resemblance to its paternityâthat it could not be mistaken for someone elseâs âbrain childâ. But I may have a different aim; say, that of writing a description of psycho-analysis. To me, that the book bore witness to its mental origins might be an unwelcome irrelevance, a feature additional to the main component of my wish to communicate and your wish to receive.
(Ibid., p. 86)
âShow, donât tell,â the first axiom of every creative writing teacher. If not an answer, the idea of an induced experience at least allows an approach to the material. More than a self-portrait, Bion wants to communicate a mode of thoughtâthe inarticulate, the indescribable. This can only be accomplished through the readerâs (in this case, my) phenomenological experience of the reception of the disorganized, terrified fragments he presents. Through its artificiality, its lack of fidelity to consensual reality, Memoir aims to create a ârealâ emotional truth. As incomprehension is at the core of analysis, Bion also wants to convey the practice of psychoanalysis, to immerse the reader in its âfeel, rather than write (another) a paper about psychoanalysis, whose reified terms have lost their life and now function to provide a defense against knowing.
Unable to actively impose a structure I already understood on the material, with little option, I allow a state of passive (or is it active?) receptivity and find myself responding less to content or symbolic meaning, but resonating with fragments, tempos, rhythms, shapes, thoughts without a thinker. After a while, islands of sensibility emerge from the flood. Recurring themes become recognizable, sections repeat accruing new meaning and form rudimentary patterns: the near ubiquitous inclusion of something and its opposite made identical except for their position along a continuum, repeated references to Platoâs cave, the concern with the real versus the imagined/created, the difficulty linking one way of thinking to another, the inherent paradox of languageâthat once communicated, thought is no longer âalive,â but ossified, hence the need for constant new beginnings, new vantage points once something has been grasped, how every seeming solution brings us to the start of a new problem, the same questions asked again, each time beginning from a new vantage point. If the text does not quite make âsense,â at least my sense of dread retreats.
I allow myself the freedom of incomprehension that I tolerate when approaching an experimental novel; only this time, it is a novel whose other reality is a way of thinking and not, for example, as in Henry James âJolly Corner,â a ghostly world where the self that his current life has eclipsed co...