Dramatis Personae
DEMIPHO, a rich old citizen of Athens, covetous, mistrustful, Âżmd petulant
CHREMES, Demiphoâs brother, another citizen of Athens, an old, uxorious, hen-pecked gentleman, in fĂłs ĂâoĂĂÂżâĂ Zot;ed! a girl in a corner
ANTIPHO, Demiphoâs son, a good-natured, modest, well-bred young gentleman, very fond of his wife Phanie
PHAEDRIA, Chremesâs son, an amorous genteel spark of the town, passionately in love with Pamphila, a music-girl
PHORMIO, the parasite, a bold, cheating, intriguing, subtle fellow, and one of singular impudence
GETA, servant to Antipho, an ingenious, designing, plotting fellow, true to the interest of Antipho and his cousin, Phaedria
DAVUS, a servant, an intimate of Getaâs
DORIO, a covetous, ill-natured, peevish bawd-master, owner of Phaedriaâs music-girl
NAUSISTRATA, Chremesâs wife, a haughty imperious woman, who keeps Chremes in awe of her
SOPHRONA, nurse to Phanie, a harmless old woman
Non-Speaking Parts:
DORCIO, a servant of Demiphoâs
PHANIE, married secretly to Antipho
SERVANTS
ATTENDANTS
Act One
SCENE: The street before DEMIPHOâS door
TIME: Morning
DAVUS alone, with a bag of money in his hand
DAVUS. My very good friend and compatriot Get a came to me yesterday, asking about a small sum of money he had left in my hands formerly; he begged me to get it together, so I have, and am just carrying it to him. His young master, I hear, has now picked up a wife; and this looks as if âtwere a present for Mrs Bride. What a confounded custom âtis for those who have but very little, to be always pampering such as have abundance! All that this poor fellow now has, with much ado, scraped together bit by bit out of his pitiful allowance must go at one swoop, nobody ever considering how he has starved himself for it. And soon poor Geta must be squeezed once again, to give her ladyship joy of her first-born; and after that again upon the bratâs anniversary day, when âtis initiated forsooth. The child is the pretended recipient of all these gifts, but âtis the mother runs away with âem. But isnât that Geta, there?
Enter GETA.
GETA, to them within. If a red-haired fellow should enquire for me. . . .
DAVUS. Heâs here, spare your breath.
GETA, turning about. Ho, Davus! I was just coming to meet ye.
DAVUS. Here, hold out your hand.
Gives him the bag.
Tis all good coin, and just what I owed ye.
GETA. Thou art an honest fellow, and âtwas kindly done not to forget me.
DAVUS. Kind indeed, as the world goes now, Iâll assure ye; for âtis come to such a pass, that a man must first pray, and then be thankful, to get again what is his own. But why so concerned?
GETA. You may well ask that! If you did but know the dread and danger Iâm in.
DAVUS. And how, pray?
GETA. You shall know, upon promise of secrecy.
DAVUS. Away, simpleton! What! trust me with thy money, and afraid to trust me with a secret! I shouldnât win a pin for my sleeve by dealing falsely with thee now.
GETA. Prithee, hear me then.
DAVUS. Yes, with both ears.
GETA. You know Mr Chremes, our old masterâs elder brother, donât ye?
DAVUS. Very well.
GETA. And his son Phaedria too?
DAVUS. As well as I know thee.
GETA. It so fell out that the two reverend gentlemen took a journey together, Chremes to Lemnos, and our master to Ciliciaâfor an old crony of his had wheedled him over there: had sent him letter upon letter, promising him whole mountains of gold, with the Devil and all.
DAVUS. What, to him that already had enough and to spare?
GETA. Never wonder at him, man, âtis his nature to exceed his wants.
DAVUS. Pox of ill luck! What a pity it is I wasnât born King!
GETA. When the two old gentlemen set out they made me tutor to their sons. davus. Ah, Geta, that was a hard task for thee.
GETA. Troth, so I found it by woeful experience. My unlucky genius used me very ill that day. At first I tried to be strict with them. But why waste words? My faithfulness to my old masters cost me many a sore drubbing.
DAVUS. As the proverb has it: âtis hard to kick against the goad!
GETA. Upon that I dropped the reins, and gave the mettlesome pair their heads.
DAVUS. You understood the rules of the market.
GETA. As for our youngster, he was very regular for awhile. But Mr Phaedria immediately picked up his music-girl, and fell head over ears in love. She was kept it seems by a damnable, griping bawd-master. The old gentleman had taken care to keep the young menâs pockets empty: so that our amorous spark could do nothing but look fawningly into his mistressâs eyes, follow her around town, and perhaps lead her to the Music School and back again. I and my young master, having little else to do, must needs bear him company. Right before the school was a barberâs shop, where we commonly awaited her coming out. One day, while we were thus dancing attendance on the girl, in comes a young fellow blubbering so loud that it made us all wonder. We asked what ailed him? âWhy,â said he, ânever till now did I know poverty to be such a sad intolerable burden! Hard by Iâve just seen a poor girl, crying and taking on most grievously for the death of her mother, by whose dead body she was sitting. She had neither friends, acquaintances, nor relations, to stand by her, or look after the funeral, except for one poor old woman. It grieved me to the very soul, for she was of marvellous beautyâ In short, we were all agog at the story. Mr Antipho presently cried: âShall we go and see her?â âAy, ay,â says another, âletâs go! Prithee, honest man, bring us to the place!â Away we go, come to her, see her. A pretty rogue iâ faith, she was; and whatâs more, she had nothing of ornament to set off her beauty. Her hair hung about her ear...