MANâS WORLD
MEN
Charon
Timon
Alexander the Quack Prophet
MAIDS
Dialogues of the Courtesans
PHILOSOPHERS
Philosophies for Sale
The Fisherman
The Death of Peregrinus
CHARON
Hermes and Charon
Charon meets Hermes in the street of some city, presumably Athens. It is a day during the middle of the sixth century B.C.â not any particular day of a particular year since Lucian, to suit his convenience, has conflated events that took place at widely separated times during the century.
HERMES. Charon, what are you laughing at? And whatâs the reason for leaving the ferry and coming up to our bailiwick? Youâre not one for poking your nose into the goings on up here.
CHARON. Hermes, I wanted to see what life was likeâwhat men do with themselves during it, and what they give up that makes them wail so when they come down to us below. Not one of them, you know, ever makes the crossing without tears. So, just like that young fellow from Thrace,1 I got permission from Pluto for a dayâs leave, and I deserted the ship and came up to the sunlight. It was a lucky break that I ran into you, the man who knows all about this place. Of course youâre going to take me around and show me everythingâgive me a real guided tour.
HERMES. I donât have the time, ferryman. You see, Iâm off on an errand for the commander-in-chief up above, some business about men. Heâs got a mean temper, and Iâm afraid if Iâm not prompt heâll hand me over to the gloom âassign me to full-time duty with you people.2 He might even do to me what he did to Hephaestus3 the other dayâgrab me by the foot and heave me over âthe threshold of heaven"; then thereâd be two of us to give the gods a laugh by limping as we wait on table.
CHARON. You mean youâll stand by and watch me blunder around this place? You, my friend, my shipmateâthe man I lead shades with? My dear Hermes, thereâs a thing or two you ought to keep in mind. Did I ever order you to bail? Did I ever make you take a turn at the oars? Youâve got all that muscle and yet you either flake out on the deck and snore away or, if you can find some talkative shade, spend the whole trip gabbing, while an old man like me handles the oars all by myself. Please, Hermes, in the name of your father, be a good fellow and donât leave me stranded. Give me a tour of all the things in life so I can at least see something before I go back. If you go off and leave me, Iâll be just like the blind. You know how they slip and stumble in the dark; well, thatâs just the way I am, blinking and dazzled by the light. Hermes, please do me this favor. Iâll never forget it.
HERMES. Iâm liable to get a beating for doing this. Iâve a good idea right now of the pay Iâll receive for your guided tourâand it includes the knuckles of a certain fist. No matter, Iâll help you out. Iâve got to: what else can a person do when itâs a friend whoâs putting on the pressure? But to take a careful look at every single thing is out of the question, Charon. Weâd spend years at it. And, if that happened, Zeus would be forced to post notices for my arrest the way they do for runaway slaves, youâd be kept from carrying on your death duties, and, with no deliveries of shades from you over a long period of time, Plutoâs affairs would be hard hit. Whatâs more, Aeacus, who handles the receipts, would get good and angry over not taking in a single obol. No, getting you a look at the high spots of whatâs going on, thatâs what weâve got to work on right now.
CHARON. Hermes, you figure out whatâs best. Iâm a stranger; I donât know a thing about what goes on up here.
HERMES. Iâll tell you what we need, Charon: some point high enough to give you an over-all view. Now, if you could only get up to heaven, weâd have no problem; you could look down from there and get a panorama of the world. But, since anyone who associates with shades every day isnât allowed to set foot in Zeusâs palace, letâs start looking around for some tall mountain.
CHARON. You know what Iâm always telling all of you when weâre under way. Whenever thereâs a squall, and the wind shifts and takes the mainsail aback, and the waves run high, all of you, since you donât understand such things, start ordering me to shorten sail or slack the sheet a bit or run before the wind, and I have to tell you to keep quiet, that I know better. The same system applies here: you do whatever you think is right because youâre skipper now. And Iâll do what passengers are supposed toâstand by in silence, ready to obey your orders to the letter.
HERMES. True enough. All right, Iâll see to what has to be done and find us a lookout point thatâll serve the purpose. Letâs see, will the Caucasus do? Or is Parnassus higher? Or is Olympus over there higher than both of them? By the way, looking at Olympus just gave me an idea that isnât at all bad. But youâll have to pitch in and help.
CHARON. Just give the orders. Iâll help all I can.
HERMES. According to Homer,4 the sons of Aloeusâthere were just two of them, like usâwhen they were still young children, wanted to tear Ossa from its foundations, put it on Olympus, and put Pelion on top of the two; they figured all this would make a scaffold high enough to get them up to heaven. Now both these youngsters were punished because they were wild and up to no good. But what we have in mind has nothing to do with harming the gods. So why donât we do some building too? Roll mountains on top of one another so that we can get up higher and have a better view?
CHARON. You think just the two of us could lift and stack either Pelion or Ossa?
HERMES. Why not? Or maybe you think two gods donât measure up to that pair of babies?
CHARON. Oh no! Itâs just that the job seems to me to involve an incredible amount of work.
HERMES. Naturallyâbecause youâre like the man in the street, Charon; there isnât even a trace of the poet about you. Now our noble Homer has made a âgateway to heavenâ for us with just two versesâthatâs how easily he stacks mountains. Iâm amazed that you consider these things so extraordinary. Certainly you know about Atlas5 âheâs only one man and yet he holds up heaven with all of us on it. And youâve probably heard how my brother Heracles once took over for that very Atlas and gave him a bit of rest from drudgery by shouldering the load himself.
CHARON. Iâve heard those stories. But whether theyâre true or notâyou and your poets would know about that.
HERMES. Theyâre absolutely true, Charon. Why would wise and intelligent men tell lies? So letâs pry up Ossa first, just the way the poem and our poet-architect tells us, and then
pile upon Ossa
Well-wooded Pelion.
See how easily just a bit of poetry did the trick? Now Iâll climb up and take a look to see if this is enough; maybe weâll have to do some more building. Oh lord! Weâre still down in the foothills of heaven. I can barely make out Ionia and Lydia to the east, no further than Italy and Sicily to the west, only as far as the Danube to the north, and Crete very dimly to the south. Ferryman, it looks as if weâll have to add Oeta6 and then Parnassus on top of them all.
CHARON. Letâs do that. But watch out that we donât keep adding to this scaffold beyond the safety point and make it too rickety. If that happens, weâll discover how bad Homerâs method of construction can beâweâll come crashing down, scaffold and all, and bash our heads in.
HERMES. Donât worry. Itâll be perfectly safe. Shove Oeta over here. Now letâs roll up Parnassus. Thatâs it. Iâm going up for another look. Fine! I see everything. You can come up now.
CHARON. Give me a hand, Hermes. This is some contraption you want me to climb up!
HERMES. You wanted to see everything, you know. Going in for vistas and keeping out of danger donât mix. Here, hold on to my hand and be careful not to step where itâs slippery. Good! See? You made it. Parnassus has two peaks, so letâs each take one and sit down. Now turn in a complete circle and take a good look at everything.
CHARON. I see a lot of land surrounded by some sort of huge lake,7 mountains, rivers that are bigger than Cocytus or Pyriphlegethon, peopleâbut theyâre very tiny âand things that must be their dens.
HERMES. Dens you call them? Those are cities!
CHARON. Hermes, do you realize we havenât gained a thing? All this shoving around of Parnassus with its springs, of Oeta, and of the other mountains was a sheer waste.
HERMES. Why?
CHARON. I canât see a thing clearly from up here. I didnât want to see just cities and mountains the way you do on maps. I wanted to see the people themselves and what theyâre doing and to hear what theyâre saying, just as I was doing when you first ran into me and saw me laughing and asked what I was laughing at. I had just heard something that amused me no end.
HERMES. What was that?
CHARON. This man, as I gathered, had been invited to dinner tomorrow by one of his friends. âOf course Iâll come,â he was saying, and as he stood there talking, a roof tile fell downâsomeone must have knocked it loose âand killed him. I burst out laughing at the thought that he wouldnât keep his promise. Well, I think Iâll work my way down right now to where I can see and hear better.
HERMES. Hold it. Dr. Hermes can take care of that too. Iâll give you the eyes of an eagle in a second by just going to Homer and getting a magic charm for this as well. Now the minute Iâm finished reciting, rememberâno more blinking; youâll have perfect vision.
CHARON. Start reciting.
HERMES.
Now I have lifted the mist which has covered your eyes till this moment.
Now can you clearly distinguish the twoâwho is god, and who mortal.8
How about it? Can you see now?
CHARON. Marvelously! Lynceus9 was blind compared with me. Now the next step is for you to turn teacher as well and answer my questions. How about my phrasing them Ă , la Homer just to show you Iâm not exactly an ignoramus when it comes to his poems?
HERMES. You? All your life a sailor, always pulling an oar? How were you able to learn any Homer?
CHARON. See here, thatâs an insult to my profession. It so happens when I ferried his shade across I heard him recite a lot of his poetry and I still remember some of itâin spite of having had a pretty bad storm during the crossing. You see, he began to recite some poem that wasnât exactly encouraging for people on the waterâabout how Poseidon gathered the clouds, churned up the waters by using his trident like a ladle, raised the winds, and lots more of that sort of thing.10 Well, all this poetry started to rile up the sea, clouds came up, and a storm hit us that almost capsized the boat. At which point he got seasick and threw up most of his poetryâScylla, Charybdis, the Cyclops, and so on. It was no hard job for me to save at least a few things out of all he was sending over the rail. Now then, tell me:
Who is that man there? The one thatâs so thickset, so mighty and valiant,
Towering head and broad shoulders oâer all who are standing about him?11
HERMES. Milon,12 the athlete from the city of Croton. The Greeks are applauding him because heâs picked up a bull and is carrying it through the middle of the stadium.
CHARON. Just think how much more they ought applaud me! Pretty soon Iâm going to take Milon himself and stow him aboard the skiff. Heâll come down to us after wrestling with that invincible opponent, Death, whoâll pin him to the mat without his even realizing how he was knocked off his feet. And heâll treat us to some wailing, no question about it, when he remembers all his medals and this applause. Now heâs all puffed up because everybodyâs amazed at the way he carried that bu...