Understanding and Managing Parental Alienation

A Guide to Assessment and Intervention

Janet Haines, Mandy Matthewson, Marcus Turnbull

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2019
• ISBN:
  9781000692563
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Psychology
• Subtopic: Mental Health in Psychology
• Index: Psychology

In Understanding and Managing Parental Alienation: A Guide to Assessment and Intervention, Janet Haines, Mandy Matthewson and Marcus Turnbull offer a comprehensive analysis of contemporary understanding of parental alienation. Grounded in recent scientific advances, this is the first book of its kind providing resources on how to identify parental alienation and a guide to evidence-based intervention.

Parental alienation is a process in which one parent manipulates their child to negatively perceive and reject the other parent. Recognising this phenomenon and knowing when to intervene is often the biggest challenge faced by practitioners and this book provides a guide to this process. Divided into six parts, it examines what parental alienation is and how it is caused, how it affects each family member as a mental health concern and form of violence, and how to assess, identify and intervene successfully from a legal and therapy standpoint. Taking on a gender-neutral approach, the book is filled with contemporary case examples from male and female perspectives, cutting-edge research, practitioner-client dialogues, and practitioners' reflections to show the difficult realities of parental alienation.

Practical and accessible, this is an essential resource for mental health professionals working with families experiencing parental alienation, as well as postgraduate students of clinical psychology, counselling, family therapy, social work, and child and family psychology. This book will also be of immense interest to family lawyers and mediators due to its multidisciplinary approach.

Part One

The nature of parental alienation

Chapter One

What is parental alienation?

Introduction

Parental alienation is the term used to describe the process where a child’s relationship with one parent (the targeted parent) is negatively influenced by the actions of the other parent (the alienating parent). It represents a noteworthy deviation from what is expected in a parent–child relationship and is of clinical and legal significance (1).

Parental alienation differs from what is typically understood to be parental estrangement (2). In the case of alienation, the child’s rejection of the parent occurs in the absence of a reasonable justification for the rejection. In the case of estrangement, there is usually a sound rationale for the child’s rejection of the parent. It has been proposed that parental alienation and estrangement may be differentiated using appropriate assessment techniques (3).

Despite views being held to the contrary, alienating parents can be either mothers or fathers (1), although there is some suggestion that the alienation strategies used by mothers and fathers may differ (4). It is interesting to note that research results indicate that alienating behaviours by mothers are considered to be more acceptable than are the same behaviours demonstrated by fathers (5).

Parental alienation as a psychological and legal entity has been the focus of debate. This debate has centred on the legitimacy of the phenomenon, the nature of its presentations, and the mechanisms that underlie it. Despite these controversies in the literature, we believe that most practitioners who work with family law cases or parenting disputes have been confronted with evidence of the existence of parental alienation.

We will examine aspects of parental alienation, how it influences family relationships and how we can identify its existence in individual cases. Further, we will be moving towards suggestions for resolution of the relationship/family dynamic problems that underlie parental alienation.

Parental alienation

Parents’ behaviour affects children’s wellbeing

After separation and divorce, most parents can work in a reasonably collaborative manner to allow for co-parenting of their children. They are able to achieve this by distinguishing between their role as a partner or former partner in a relationship and their role as a parent (6).

Parents who do not have a functional relationship, whether they remain within the relationship or whether the relationship has ended, may behave in ways that negatively impact on their child’s psychological adjustment. Certainly, in the context of parenting disputes, children can be used in ways that meet the needs of unhappy parents.

In parenting disputes, attachment theory is often used to present an argument for why a child should remain with one parent and have limited time with the other parent (7–8). This is clearly a distortion of attachment theory and the nature of attachment. Our bottom line, a view that is held by others, is that children can be strongly attached to both parents and that both parents have significant and important roles to play in raising their child (7). Also, whenever possible and if the circumstances allow it, it is preferable for a child to spend significant overnight time with both parents (9–10).

Children’s rejection of a parent

If regular contact takes place, most children are attached to both their parents. So, it is a conundrum why children who once were strongly attached to a parent can then reject that parent without there being an identifiable event or events that would trigger such a response in the child.

It has been suggested that there are numerous reasons for the breakdown of a parent–child relationship following divorce or family separation (11). For example, a child’s rejection of a parent may reflect a normal developmental separation difficulty that is a function of the child’s age. It is a normal enough phenomenon for a child to shift their preference for one parent or the other over the course of their early life.

It may also be the case that children will express a preference for one parent over the other in certain circumstances. Consider the following comment.

Box 1.1Psychologist: Young children who are attached to both their parents will benefit from the presence, interaction with and caregiving of their mothers and their fathers. However, when small children are distressed, they tend to want to be comforted by their primary caregiver. In our society, the primary caregiver is most often, although not always, the mother. This is not to say that a child cannot be comforted by the other parent. It just means that, if faced with a choice, a young child will reach for their primary caregiver if they are upset. Unfortunately, parents in dispute tend to use this normal developmental preference to support their legal position in a parenting dispute.

Alternatively, the rejected parent may have inadequate skills to care for the child and the child’s rejection may be an expression of dissatisfaction with that parent’s capacity to demonstrate adequate parenting skills. The child will express a preference for the parent with the better parenting skills because it is more comfortable for the child to be in the environment offered by that parent.

Box 1.2Psychologist: Young children feel most secure when they are offered good quality care. Not all parents are created equal when it comes to their parenting skills. Quite separate from the depth of feeling a parent may have for their child, some parents are less able to identify their child’s needs and respond in a manner that will meet those needs than other parents. Some parents are not particularly skilled at carrying out care tasks. They can be too nervous, too self-absorbed, or too impractical. Children can be more settled when they are being looked after by the most skilled parent. A child turning to one parent with superior caring skills can be misinterpreted as a rejection of the other parent.

Further, rejection of a parent may reflect oppositional behaviour that may have pre-existed or exists separately from the parenting dispute problems. Some children struggle to do what is asked of them or expected of them. These children may reject a parent because the parent expects the child to spend time with them or because one parent has more rigid rules than the other parent.

Box 1.3Psychologist: Some children will tend to dig in their heels and refuse to follow the rules or will act in an oppositional way when they have little choice but to comply. For example, I recall working with a parent whose child would deliberately shuffle her feet across the floor and take up to half an hour to walk to the bathroom when asked to brush her teeth at bedtime. A child like this would not find it particularly comfortable to spend time with a parent who made lots of demands on them to comply with the parent’s wishes. They may opt to be with the parent who does not seem to care if teeth are brushed at bedtime.

The child’s rejection of the parent may also reflect the child’s response to the high level of conflict between the parents that exists with some divorced parents. Children may find it stressful to spend time with the parent who demonstrates little ability to control their negative feelings about the other parent. Also, children may opt to spend time with the parent they perceive to be the one more negatively affected by the parental conflict. They form a view, rightly or wrongly, that one parent is better able to look after themselves and the other parent is needier of the child’s time and attention.

Box 1.4Psychologist: Children who are exposed to parental conflict tend to fall into three categories. There are the children who cope well enough, understanding their parents are not on friendly terms. There are children who reject the parent who complains about the other parent. These children do not like being in a situation where they have to choose whose side they will take. There are children who have chosen a side and it is usually the side of the parent they feel is being persecuted by their other parent. The children act as supporters of the ‘attacked’ parent.

Also, the child’s rejection of a parent may be a function of experienced abuse or some other problem being experienced by the child. A child may be genuinely concerned for their own wellbeing or the wellbeing of siblings and refuse to spend time with a parent for that reason.

Box 1.5Psychologist: Although it is recognised that most maltreated children still love their parents, there are some children who are frightened of their parents or cannot cope with their parent’s behaviour. These children are reacting to the parenting failures being demonstrated by the problematic parent. With no other way of coping with the unsatisfactory situation, these children may opt to avoid spending time with the parent with the troubling behaviour.

Of course, it is also the case that a child’s rejection of a parent is a function of a campaign of alienation carried out by one parent. This campaign of alienation is a reflection of a complicated reaction to the targeted parent and the end of the parents’ romantic relationship. This alienation process tends to reflect problematic parental attitudes and beliefs and not choices made by the child, although it can seem that way to the parents involved and others. It is our view that parental alienation is something that is done to a child and not a manifestation of a problem within t...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half Title
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Dedication
• Contents
• List of tables
• Preface
• Part One The nature of parental alienation
• Part Two The alienated family
• Part Three Assessment of parental alienation
• Part Four The alienated family: A legal perspective
• Part Five Intervention with alienated families
• Part Six Identifying parental alienation
• Index