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Chapter 1
Understanding High Self-esteem
Self-esteem is your sense of self-worth Healthy self-esteem does not necessarily depend on appearance or on physical or intellectual capacities, although success in any of these areas certainly helps a lot. There are many children without exceptional talents who are blessed with a very strong sense of their own intrinsic value, not as performers or achievers but simply as kids in their family, students in their school and young people in their community.
Jake is a ten-year-old boy whose medical condition has limited his intellectual and physical development. He is struggling with his school work and cannot participate successfully in sport.
When asked how he does at school his standard reply is ‘Pretty bad. I’m not smart, no way!’
But when he was asked who he would be if he could choose to be anyone in the world, his answer was: ‘Anyone at all? I reckon I’d choose to be me … because my family wouldn’t be the same without me … and my friends at school … they’d say it was weird … really weird … not having me around.’
Jake is a boy with low confidence in his intellectual and physical abilities but with strong self-esteem. He has a strong sense of his value as a person, at home and school, despite the fact that his contribution, in terms of school achievements, sporting trophies etc., is minimal.
A child like Jake, with a positive belief in his intrinsic value as a person, can grow into an adult who uses those capacities to the full, with a sense of purpose and satisfaction.
The characteristics of high self-esteem Students with high self-esteem:
value and respect their own unique set of characteristics;
do not need to seek excessive reassurance from others about their personal approval rating;
know that they do not have to be exactly the same as other people to be worth just as much as them;
do not have to show off to prove that they are OK;
have a sense of security, belonging and entitlement, in their home and their classroom;
are reasonably resilient in the face of teasing because, whatever anyone says or does, they are comfortable about the sort of person they are;
are not easily led, because they respect themselves and do not need to compromise their sense of right and wrong to please others;
can accept praise without embarrassment or denial;
can accept failure and criticism without undue distress;
are not afraid to own up when they are wrong;
are not ashamed to ask for help when they need it;
can show respect to other people because they are secure in themselves;
can accept blame and apologise when it is appropriate; and
can win or lose with good grace.
Understanding low self-esteem Low self-esteem is a sense of personal inadequacy
If a student does not really like themselves very much, then it may not matter how many prizes they win or how many times people tell them that they are great; they may still feel negative about themselves as individuals. An underlying sense of inadequacy can cast a very long shadow on the good things that happen.
Cassie is a confident A-grade student. She knows that she can do well in school. She is also a talented and very successful swimmer.
She, too, was asked to say who she would be if she could choose to be anyone else in the world. Her answer was: ‘Oh, I’d like to be really famous and rich and everything and then people would think that I was really cool … and I’d buy them really good stuff and they’d want to come over to my place all the time.’
Even though she is such a talented and successful girl, Cassie’s answer tells us that her self-esteem is probably not high. She does not believe that people like her for the person that she is, but could only like her for her prestige and her spending power.
Who knows what will happen to Cassie? We can guess that, however successful she is, she will experience a lot of heartache wishing for more, trying to capture the good feelings that accompany good self-esteem.
The characteristics of low self-esteem
Students with low self-esteem:
may talk big to cover up their feelings of inadequacy;
may run themselves down and never be satisfied with what ...
