Bullying and Young Children

Understanding the Issues and Tackling the Problem

Christine Macintyre

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2012
• ISBN:
  9781136612626
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Pedagogía
• Subtopic: Educación general

What is it that makes some children bully and some become victims?

What can you do if despite your best efforts, a child keeps on taunting another?

What steps can you take before communicating with parents and what will you say?

The practice of bullying endures in all schools today. Despite the implementation of bullying policies, parents and staff can be equally perplexed: not really understanding what they have or haven't done to allow it to happen.

Christine Macintyre explores this highly emotive topic, asking why as many as one in 12 school children are bullying victims, and will show in a highly practical way, what can be done to support the children and help staff improve their own practice.

This book will provide help and guidance on:

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• enhancing the self-esteem of the affected children, showing how new-found confidence will enable children to offset the effects of being bullied or indeed being a bully.

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• how to tell parents their child is bullying or being bullied, and how to build up a meaningful and mutually supportive relationship with them.

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• creating a learning environment that prevents the desire for children to bully.

Based on case studies giving first hand accounts of real-life situations, and evaluations of strategies that have been tried and tested, this book suggests fresh and inspiring ways of tackling a problem faced by many practitioners today.

1 Twenty questions about bullying

A big black cloud is choking me,

My throat is tight and sore,

I don't want to go to this school

Any more.

Ashleigh, aged 9

Question 1: Do very young children bully?

The question of whether very young children can be said to bully is not an easy one. If the answer is ‘yes’, – and both school exclusion reports for 4-year-olds and many early years practitioners have no doubt that this is the case – what sorts of things do they do and why do they do it? And if the answer is ‘no’, then what causes some of them to start (for despite everyone's efforts to stop bullying, it is still endemic across social groups and occurs at all ages)? And what are the implications for the bullies, their victims and the families of both? No one will be surprised to learn that bullying ‘is a precursor for health problems’ or that such behaviour ‘is an issue of major concern to children, their teachers and their parents’ (Bond et al. 2001). So, observations of children's interactions and their understandings of the kinds of behaviour that are unacceptable need to be developed from children's earliest days.

Let's begin by reflecting on the children who come into our early years settings and on the experiences they encounter there.

Question 2: Who are the children?

The children are a group of very young people of different ages (and remember that one year can mean one-third of a child's life span) and different developmental stages (some of the 3-year-olds may be more able than the 4-year-olds), different shapes, sizes, ethnicity, intellectual abilities, social competences, movement skills and emotional stability. They have different capacities to understand and to use expressive language to share their needs, and there are differences in the languages and the dialects they use. Some learn with ease while others struggle to progress. Furthermore, there are easygoing children, confident and creative children alongside those who are acutely anxious or withdrawn. There are children who are slow to warm up and those that will not or cannot wait. These temperamental differences impact on their willingness to interact with others in their group and their motivation to learn. The children have hugely varied home and out-of-school experiences, levels of common sense and cultural beliefs. There are streetwise children who know their rights and are not afraid to proclaim them amid those who have been overly sheltered at home – and all shades in between. There are children with learning differences and difficulties, including the increasing number of children found to be on the autistic spectrum. These children have difficulty in understanding the thoughts and feelings of others, and so building relationships is hard. There are children with physical disabilities such as cerebral palsy who need extra support and children with attention deficit disorders who unwittingly may disturb the class. There are children who resent coming to school at all and vent their frustration on others, usually the more vulnerable ones. Is it any wonder that when we group all of them together in a confined space for a considerable length of time, some, possibly attempting to gain status and make themselves heard, resort to bullying?

To add to the complexity, interest and challenge of managing the children, they are not passive learners only waiting to hear parents’ and practitioners’ words of wisdom and advice. They come into a new situation with different expectations of what will be there, how important it will be and how they will cope. Some have neighbourhood friends to ease them into the setting, while others have none. They have radically different experiences of being parented; they have learned different ‘rules’, including rules about whether to retaliate when they are upset, and how to do it; how to look after resources; whether it is their job to tidy up; how to react when another adult tells them what to do; even what kinds of food they should have at snack. The differences between home rules and nursery or school rules can be very confusing. The children also have different levels of financial backing and opportunities to do exciting or challenging things, and varied amounts of home resources and parental support; and to some extent this colours their perception of what their future holds (Winston 2004). For as children develop self-awareness, they also begin to make comparisons between their lot and that of others. Real or even imagined unfairness can cause simmering resentments and feelings of low self-esteem.

Question 3: Could the early years setting possibly contribute to bullying?

All of these differences in individual children are brought together in a setting that is very different from home. It is certainly very busy, with many more experienced children appearing confident and totally in control of their learning and their friendships. For the new entrant, this can be comforting or daunting. The environment itself may be frightening, for example with toilets that flush noisily. One setting, proud of its new self-flushing loos, was dismayed that no child would go in. The reason? One child had suggested that a ghost was flushing them! Was that teasing or bullying or just fun? Maybe the answer depends on the effect of the delay! Then there are cookers behind barriers; bells that ring and radiators that buzz; walls that are covered by brightly coloured, confusing pictures; lights that flicker; and doors that have double locks. ‘Who needs to be kept out?’ asked one fearful child. Even the large floor space can be off-putting, especially if this encourages children to rush around.

And, of course, children have to meet new staff and learn new rules as well as tackle a whole range of new learning activities.

Question 4: What things do the children have to learn?

• That they will be safe without their parents or carers
• That their parents or carers will return
• How to follow a complex routine
• How to make a friend
• How to wait for a turn
• How to empathise with others
• How to deal with praise and rewards
• How to relate to ‘strange’ adults and other children who may not behave the way they do
• How to be still and listen to others
• How to share toys and resources
• How to climb on the frame and ride a bike outside
• How to make choices and decide what to do
• How to cut out distractions and concentrate
• How to do all the activities and tasks.

In their longitudinal study of children in Irish schools, Murray and Keane (1998) claim that ‘those who cannot negotiate these early tasks are more likely to be bullied during their school lives’. Labels such as ‘stupid’ can persist well beyond the time when they applied by thoughtless, unsympathetic children. And this can happen in any environment. One eager 5-year-old was so anxious to enjoy his first swimming lesson that he stripped off and appeared at the poolside minus trunks! Years later he was still known as ‘Hugh, you know, the boy who went swimming without his trunks on!’ This shows how long poor Hugh had to endure chortles. Hugh considered this bullying, as he was extremely anxious to jettison the adjoinder but didn't know how. This longevity of early impressions is a very important claim and a huge endorsement for the value of early years education that places children's total well-being at the centre. Caring practitioners help erode embarrassments and decry labels that are not helpful.

The claim also has the implicit suggestion that, as many of the groups will stay together in the primary years, children may continue to categorise others by their initial inadequacies. Furthermore, these assessments may last over time, even when early difficulties have been overcome. So, what can practitioners do to ensure that negative labels do not stick?

Respecting differences

Above all, the children have to learn to respect themselves and the other children in the setting, the adults who care for them and the resources that are provided. They have to come to recognise that ‘difference’ is just that. It doesn't mean better or worse! The length of time this recognition takes will vary depending on the willingness of the child to settle, the coherence or conflict between the child's previous experiences and this new one, and of course the perceived attitudes of significant people such as teachers, nursery practitioners, janitors, dinner and playground personnel, and other children's parents in the environment. Indeed, this message is best passed on by example by the role models in the setting. However, if children do not learn by osmosis, then explanations have to be made, for perhaps no one has explained that certain ways of behaving could be named bullying. Sometimes we take it for granted that children understand when they have not yet developed the empathy or the experience to allow them to do so.

One shelter from being overwhelmed by all these demands is that most children of this age are egocentric (Piaget 1954). This term means that they tend to be tied up in their own existence and less aware of others in the setting. They gauge their new experiences in relation to the ones they have at home. Piaget's theory, based on minutely detailed observations of his own children, is confirmed by the developmental and cross-cultural stages of children's play. For all children practise solitary play, then experience parallel play, and this always precedes playing together in small then larger groups. Egocentricity can also be seen when children bring family photos into the setting and expect staff to know the names and relationships of people who are there, even the name of the family cat! Being like this should give children time to establish themselves in their new environment before they have a greater level of interaction with others and make possibly negative comparisons. But there is a paradox in that as children, at around 3 or 4 years of age, begin to understand that other people have different feelings and motives, this realisation may stimulate competition or bullying. So, it is vital that children have all the support they need in these early days because their developing self-awareness can impact cruelly on their self-esteem. This is why early positive feedback is so vital and why early compensatory programmes try to give needy children a boost before they self-evaluate and realise that others are ahead.

Fortunately, in a play-based curriculum the children can to a large extent choose what they want to do. This means that they can select activities at the level that matches their interests and their stage of development, or they can be imaginative and innovative, resulting in a learning process that should be free from stress. They can play alone or with just one friend till they gain the confidence and competence to join others in their game. Above all, there is time – not ‘valuable time’ (i.e. notto-be-wasted time, full of hassle to get on), but time to listen and watch and grow. Even time to stand and stare!

In nursery, pre-school and school settings, young children have the positive role models provided by the staff, and in these settings they are immersed in an ethos that values all children equally. Yet despite practitioners claiming that they step in to avert unacceptable behaviour, still bullying behaviour – that is, persistent, intentional, conscious cruelty, perpetrated against those who are unable to defend themselves – survives.

Question 5: What sorts of behaviour could be called bullying?

Often researchers differentiate between teasing and bullying by the frequency of its occurrence. Byrne (2003) explains that ‘bullying is a repetitive type of behaviour, not a one-off, transient occurrence’. This subsumes that it consists of premeditated actions and may explain why practitioners are reluctant to call early years’ children bullies. Their actions, though just as hurtful, may be spur-of-the-moment actions carried out impetuously. He claims that ‘there will always be name calling, slagging and teasing’ but also warns that there is a line that should not be crossed. The trouble is delineating that line – does this not depend on the feelings of the child who is receiving the slurs or the slaps? Perhaps a more sympathetic approach would be to consider how the teased or bullied child is affected and name the effect by significance, not repetition? For even one incident can cause sensitive children to be nervous and worried through anticipating that it will happen again.

Question 6: What sorts of things can staff do?

Listen to some nursery practitioners. Nursery nurse Ann explains:

You really need eyes in the back of your head in the nursery because incidents can flare up so quickly. If two children are having a spat about a toy, we jump in and praise: ‘Aren't you a good boy to share so kindly? You must feel really good.’ That can often defuse the situation and we hope that the children will reflect on the outcome, especially if we go on to provide something interesting for the one who has been prepared to wait.

So, Ann preferred to intervene, stressing the positive and through introducing a different activity made sure the child who complied didn't miss out.

Agreeing with this, her colleague Freya added:

When this happens no one feels they have lost out, so the incident is over quickly. There's no lingering resentment in the younger age groups. Generally they just move on. Sometimes we see sulky faces and can feel resentment in the air, but generally we can suggest a song or a story and the moment passes. That's what's so good about the nursery curriculum; it can adapt to what's going on and avoid blowing things out of proportion or nursing grievances.

In a slightly older setting with 6-year-olds, Jo vehemently disagreed:

Being too subtle is just non-productive. If you prepare a lesson, perhaps using puppets to show how the bullied person feels, the children know fine what you are on about. They know the bullies in the group, but many of those who do persecute the others either don't listen or don't think it applies to them. I don't think this kind of approach helps the victims either. These children don't want to be seen as the underdog, the one who can't cope, i.e. the one everyone is sorry for. And some innocent ones wonder and worry if you are referring to them.

It's much better to be upfront and not puss...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• Half Title
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Acknowledgements
• Introduction
• 1. Twenty questions about bullying
• 2. Prime targets: children with learning differences
• 3. Some important questions about communicating with parents
• 4. Developing prosocial behaviour: understanding friendships
• 5. Understanding and enhancing self-esteem: reforming the bullies and the victims
• 6. Ideas and strategies to stop bullying
• Appendix
• Bibliography
• Index