Loss, Change and Grief

An Educational Perspective

Erica Brown

• Publisher: David Fulton Publishers
• Year: 2012
• ISBN:
  9781136618581
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Education
• Subtopic: Education General

First Published in 1999. Helping children come to terms with and be aware of loss, change and grief is an undeveloped area within education although they are universal features of human experience. Here the author fosters a positive attitude to teaching and learning about such issues. She explores many experiences of loss and grief and different beliefs and practices are discussed so that the reader can gain a better understanding of how children grieve. She also provides suggestions for ways in which this topic can be taught within the school curriculum and offers practical suggestions for effective, professional collaboration.

Chapter 1

Loss, Change and Grief in Children's Lives

Before the impact of loss and grief can be fully understood the meaning of attachment needs to be explored. Bowlby's (1969) attachment theory describes the tendency of people to establish affectional bonds with others and the grief response which occurs when these are threatened or severed. Bowlby's thesis argues that attachment comes from a human need for security and safety which is prevalent throughout life. However he sees attachment as extending beyond the physical needs of a young child (for example) for food, warmth and comfort. The quality of attachment determines the capacity of the child to establish affectional bonds later in life. More recent studies endorse Bowlby's theories citing the work of anthropologists throughout the world who speak of a universal attempt to regain lost objects and a grief response if this is denied.

Engel's (1961) and Klein's (1960) research argues that response to loss may result in physiological and psychological illness. Just as medicine and healing may be necessary to restore bodily well-being, a period of adjustment and adaptation to grief are necessary so that normal functions can take place.

More recent research suggests it is necessary that ‘tasks of mourning⁵ take place (Worden 1988, Parkes 1972a). These involve:

•accepting the reality of the loss;

•experiencing the pain of grief;

•adjusting to a new environment;

•investing in new relationships,

A number of researchers and practitioners argue that the tasks of mourning are not exclusively adult phenomena (Smith and Pennells 1995, Holland 1997, Herbert 1996, Dyregrov 1991). Studies in adult psychiatric patients have confirmed that loss and grief in early childhood can have a damaging effect Rutter 1966, Brown 1961). Moreover, a debate has emerged about posttraumatic stress disorder in children as young as eight years old following tragic and unexpected events (Dyregrov 1991, Couldrick 1991, Duffy 1991).

Some confusion in the debate on childhood grief arises from the fact that children's responses to grief may be shown differently from those of adults. How an individual copes with loss depends on a variety of factors, including previous life experience and the support systems that they have around them (Holland 1997). However the most common reactions are:

•shock and grief;

•sorrow and protest;

•numbness and disbelief;

•continuation of life. Parkes (1972a)

Terr (1976) argues that there is a striking similarity between grief responses in children and in adults.

The stages described below are only guidelines. The feelings and reactions of children faced with loss and separation, whether through death or other causes, are manifold, and they reflect children's cultural, emotional and religious background (Black 1989, Brown 1997, Brown 1994).

Babyhood – toddler stage

Children in the very early years are at the beginning stages of developing their own sense of identity together with social, learning and life skills. They are still very largely dependent on adults and their understanding of crisis situations is determined by their life experience. It is thought that young children may have a higher sense of anxiety if they are separated from a primary carer. However, because of their age they seem to have difficulty in grasping the long-term implications of separation, believing the person who is no longer there is likely to return.

Duffy (1991) and Bending (1993) write of babies as young as six months old reacting to separation from their primary carers by showing irritability, erratic eating, sleeping and crying patterns. Dyregrov (1991) describes this group of children as being amongst the most ‘helpless’. However he also believes they may be protected to a certain extent by their inability to grasp the long-term consequences of what has happened.

Early years

From the age of about two to five years children grow in independence although they are unable to grasp the permanence of separation and they demonstrate behaviour aimed at the restoration of an absent person or object (Couldrick 1991). A child who experiences the loss or death of a primary carer at this age will need help in understanding the irreversible nature of the situation. It is not uncommon for them to ask about the physical well-being of the dead person. However, their lack of understanding about the permanence of the situation may also account for a lack of reaction when learning about an event. Jane, aged four, had just been told of her baby brother's cot death when she asked ‘Can I have an ice-cream yet?’ Likewise Sabina, five years old, said she was going out to play and skipped off down the garden when the news of her Daddy's death in a car accident was told to her. Dyregrov (1991) agrees that generally such responses may reflect children's repertoire of coping strategies for grieving.

Children may regress in skills they have already acquired and their anger may be expressed through play (Harris-Hendricks et al. 1993). Some children will show physical malaise in response to their grief such as ‘tummy ache’ or ‘head ache’. Very occasionally their symptoms may mirror those of a person who has died (Pennells and Smith 1995).

Seven to nine years

As intellectual capacity develops, so does children's imagination and during the middle years, it is not uncommon for youngsters to imagine they were responsible for separation or a death. However, they begin to demonstrate empathetic feelings towards others who have experienced losses (Dyregrov 1991). As children mature they become increasingly independent as they interact with a wider social circle outside their immediate families. They begin to form longer-lasting relationships with their peers and they are more in control of their emotions, developing coping strategies in crisis situations. Because their imagination develops rapidly this may shield them from anxiety if they believe that sadness can be reversed through ‘magical’ thought processes. When their life experience proves that separation is permanent they may develop extreme anxiety and even guilt, believing that they were responsible for the situation in which they find themselves.

Adolescence

Children's concept of death becomes more abstract and they understand more of the long-term consequences of loss (Dyregrov 1991). Increased cognitive capacity enables them to develop an awareness that death is common to all living things, that it is irreversible, universal and inevitable. This maty in turn lead to a fear of their own mortality although Pennells and Smith (1995) suggests most youngsters ‘get on with life’.

Characteristic physical and emotional changes of adolescence, combined with increasing independence, may lead to confusing and conflicting emotions especially about death and some young people have described feeling suicidal (Vander-Wyden 1991). Some children may express their feelings through exhibiting challenging behaviour (O'Brien 1998). During this age the ‘magical’ thinking of earlier childhood may be re-activated and feelings of remorse and self-blame are common. Because they are now able to think ahead to the future children may perceive the long-term consequences of separation. In addition, because young adults have learnt to control their emotions they may be afraid of any outward expression of grief, believing that they need to stay in control. Occasionally this may lead to a desire to control other people and the environment and they take risks in dangerous situations to prove themselves.

In summary, children's attempts to master what has happened is dependent on their age and maturity although there are some parallels across ages. Figure 1.1 summarise...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Dedication
• Foreword
• Introduction
• 1 Loss, Change and Grief in Children's Lives
• 2 Family Bereavement
• 3 Life-limited and Life-threatened Children
• 4 Grief and Disability
• 5 Children in Distress
• 6 The Caring Role of the School
• 7 Exploring Loss, Change and Death in the School Curriculum
• 8 Managing a Critical Incident in School
• 9 Ceremonies, Rites and Rituals of Death and Mourning
• Glossary of Terms
• Picture Story Books
• Useful Addresses
• Bibliography
• Index