Parental Conflict

Outcomes and Interventions for Children and Families

Reynolds, Jenny, Houlston, Catherine

• Publisher: Policy Press
• Year: 2014
• ISBN:
  9781447315834
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Social Sciences
• Subtopic: Children's Studies in Sociology
• Index: Social Sciences

There is increasing government recognition of the importance of early family experiences on individuals in the long term and of how inter-parental conflict influences children's development. Recognition of the role of such factors early in life is key to helping both policy makers and practitioners promote positive outcomes for children. This accessible book reviews recent research showing how children who experience high levels of inter-parental conflict are at serious risk not only in terms of their own wellbeing, but also in relation to the perpetuation of these behaviours later in life. It examines the differences between 'destructive' and 'constructive' conflict and how they affect children, explores why some children are more adversely affected than others, and features the latest evidence on how conflict affects child physiology. Of particular note is the book's focus on the growing evidence-based literature on conflict interventions within the last decade. A primer for practitioners working with families, policy makers, students and academics, it will show how to improve the tomorrows for children who experience challenging family experiences today.

CHAPTER 1

CONFLICT IN CONTEXT

There is growing interest and recognition regarding the importance of couple relationships and how they can influence child wellbeing. A large body of evidence exists which documents the significance of parental relationships on children’s social, emotional, cognitive, behavioural and physical development. Inter-parental conflict (conflict between a child’s parents) is one area which appears to have considerable impact on child outcomes.

It is not simply the presence of conflict per se which affects outcomes for children, but rather the characteristics of this conflict and how parents deal with it that seems to matter most. Conflict is particularly destructive to children when it is frequent, unresolved, intense, or about the child (Cummings and Davies, 2010). This book reviews the latest evidence showing how children who experience high levels of destructive conflict between their parents are at serious risk not only in terms of their own wellbeing, but also in relation to the perpetuation of these behaviours later in life.

This book focuses on recent research, over the last 10 years and provides an insight into the outcomes for children of exposure to destructive conflict as well as how children are affected, and why some children appear more vulnerable than others. In other words, there is more of an understanding of ‘why, when, and how’ parental conflict affects some but not all children. Specifically, reviewed research into the physiological and neurobiological impacts, in addition to the intergenerational transmission of conflict, are particularly innovative additions.

Another key area of emerging evidence is in relation to conflict interventions delivered to couples and parents. Evidence suggests that involving couples in intervention activities and focusing on elements of the couple relationship is more effective than those which deal solely on improving parenting (Cowan et al., 2011). A variety of programmes, with different approaches in terms of content and goals, are outlined. What unites the interventions covered in this publication is a shared emphasis on the importance of working with couples, whether they are together or separated, with a focus placed on early intervention. The evidence is assessed to identify what aspects of these interventions appear to be most effective, and areas for future research are highlighted.

A review of what works in conflict interventions is important in addressing key messages for policy makers, practitioners and researchers. As examples, those who work directly with families from a wide range of sectors (including health practitioners such as midwives and health visitors, to children centre workers and teachers), are well placed to identify parents at risk or struggling with conflict and will thus benefit from the evidence outlined in this book. Front-line workers who, over time, build a relationship of trust with families are well placed in the identification, signposting and delivery of conflict interventions. Knowing what matters about conflict, why and what can be done about it are crucial for practitioners working in this field. The evidence in this review can help in designing new training and intervention programmes to help these frontline workers work more effectively with families in conflict.

Within this context, the aim of this book is to collate and summarise the research evidence to increase understanding of how and why children can be affected by conflict between their parents and what can be done to help support families experiencing such conflict. This publication is designed to be accessible for health practitioners and other front-line workers who engage closely with families and children. The scope of this review is also of interest to policy makers, commissioners of health and social care services, students of social sciences and those with a general interest in public health, families and relationships.

In more detail, the book begins by providing some context to current family relationships, in which parental conflict is explored, before identifying different types of conflict (Chapter 2); considering the impact of inter-parental conflict on children (Chapter 3); how inter-parental conflict affects children (Chapter 4); and why some children are affected more than others (Chapter 5). The later chapters of the book cover a review of conflict-based interventions for couples (Chapter 6); and what this evidence suggests about how to help families (Chapter 7). The final chapter presents a ‘call to practice’ by concluding the evidence and presenting recommendations for those involved in the lives and wellbeing of children, as well as identifying emerging areas of interest and future research needed to better support families in conflict (Chapter 8).

Changing family life

This first chapter introduces readers to the notion of parental conflict. The topic is contextualised within a climate of changing family forms, and a refocus towards relationship quality rather than relationship status; the importance of managing conflict; and an understanding that conflict between parents affects children.

Family life has changed considerably over the past forty years: Fewer people are getting married, with 241,100 marriages in England and Wales, recorded in 2010 compared with 404,737 in 1971 (ONS, 2013a). Divorce rates have remained stable, but these reflect the overall proportion of the population who experience divorce and disguise the fact that a greater proportion of marriages end in divorce now compared with the 1970s (Lloyd and Lacey, 2012). In fact, the latest estimates are that 42% of marriages will end in divorce (ONS, 2012), increasing from around a third in 1979.

At the same time, cohabitation has become more common. Survey evidence shows that the proportion of non-married women aged 18 to 49 who were cohabiting increased from one in ten (11%) in 1979 to one third (34%) in 2011 (Office for National Statistics, 2013b). Also, around eight in ten of those marrying for the first time in 2004-07 lived together beforehand, up from three in ten in 1980–84 (Beaujouan and Bhrolcháin, 2011). Although it is more difficult to obtain reliable data around cohabitation it appears that rates of separation are even higher amongst cohabiting rather than married parents. For example, analysis of census data found that 82% of married couples surveyed in 1991 were still together in 2001 compared with 61% of couples who were cohabiting in 1991 (Wilson and Stuchbury, 2010).

Whether couples are married or cohabiting, or living apart in a long-term relationship, children are affected when relationships break down (Coleman and Glenn, 2009). For example, in 2009, just under half of divorcing couples had at least one child under sixteen, 21% of these children were under five, 63% were under eleven (Office for National Statistics, 2012). Looking at non-married couples, cohabiting couples who were together at the birth of their child were five times more likely to split up before the child turned three and three times more likely to split up by the time the child turned five than married couples (Goodman and Greaves, 2010).

In the light of significant changes in family structure and concerns regarding the implications for children, there can be a tendency amongst politicians, policy makers and researchers to focus on family structure, i.e. whether parents are married, cohabiting or parenting alone, in addressing family-level influences on children. However, being in a relationship does not always confer being in a satisfying relationship. In studying relationship quality and blood pressure, Holt-Lunstad and colleagues (2008) conclude that ‘one is better off single than unhappily married’ (p. 5). Indeed, recent research findings have demonstrated that the effect of couple relationship quality on child behavioural outcomes is the same for children from different family formations (Garriga and Kiernan, Forthcoming).

In conjunction, further evidence, points to the significance of what goes on within the parental relationship, rather than the structure of the relationship between parents per se, as a primary factor underpinning the welfare of children. This reflects the fact that while divorce as an event is stressful for children, experiencing the process of parental separation and divorce may be even more stressful. For example, most children take around two years to adjust to divorce and may experience physical, emotional or behavioural difficulties over that period (Hetherington and Stanley-Hagen, 1999). Some children, however, experience difficulties long before and long after their parents’ divorce (Harold and Murch, 2005), while a proportion of children do better, with improved psychological outcomes after parental divorce (Amato, 2005) (see Coleman and Glenn, 2009 for a comprehensive review conducted for OnePlusOne).

There are a number of factors affecting children’s adjustment following divorce or separation such as multiple family transitions (how frequently a parent re-partners), paternal mental health, and adjustment to new step-parents and step-siblings (Coleman and Glenn, 2009). However, inter-parental conflict is one of the main factors that explains why some children fare more poorly than others during parental separation (Amato and Keith, 1991). Indeed, conflict between parents that is frequent, intense, child related, and unresolved may pose a significant risk for children irrespective of their parents’ marital status (Harold and Murch, 2005). It can also play a part regardless of whether parents stay together or separate. Conflict between parents does not necessarily cease following parental separation and children may find themselves caught in the middle. Conflict can also remain a problem even if parents form a new relationship. Research on children’s wellbeing in separated families and stepfamilies suggests that, while the level of conflict within these new families may be no higher than in first families, the greater number of relationships in which children are involved can serve to increase their overall exposure to parental conflict and its potentially damaging impact (Harold et al., 2001).

This book will outline the nature and mechanisms by which conflict can impact on children. It will also explore ways in which conflict can be managed by reviewing the evidence from a number of innovative conflict management interventions that have emerged over the last decade. At the outset, it should also be recognised that the array of influences on child outcomes in addition to conflict (such as stress, parenting, poverty and social circumstances) will not be outlined here. Also, the impact of relationship breakdown, unless this includes evidence on inter-parental conflict, is beyond the scope of this review. Readers are referred to the work by Luster and Okagaki (2006) for additional family influences on child outcomes, and reviews by Coleman and Glenn (2009) and Mooney et al (2009) on the consequences of relationship breakdown for children.

Introducing inter-parental conflict

Conflict in the context of personal and family relationships, including between parents, is a necessary and relatively ‘normal’ part of life (Harold and Leve, 2012). So when does conflict between parents become troubling for children? A recent survey found that, on average, some couples argue twice a week and arguments are followed by around two hours of withdrawn silence (OnePoll, 2009). That means many couples spend nearly 10 days a year not talking to each other. This is the closest research comes to providing statistics on conflict. As we will see in Chapter 2, the various types of conflict, ranging from passing comments to more overt aggressive behaviour, make calculations over the prevalence of conflict most difficult.

Some researchers have found that conflict between partners at one point in a relationship can predict happiness later on in the relationship when conflict is managed productively (Fincham and Beach, 1999). On the other hand, conflict is associated with relationship distress, physical and mental ill health, as well as divorce (Clements et al., 2004). What matters it seems, is how conflict is handled and whether couples can ensure that the negative ways of relating with one another associated with conflict do not outweigh positive ways of relating, such as being warm and affectionate (Driver et al., 2003). For example, in their long-term study of changes in marital satisfaction over time, Bradbury and Karney (2004) found that couples who possess poor communication and problem solving skills do not become dissatisfied with their relationship any quicker than couples who do possess those skills. What distinguished happier couples was what Bradbury and Karney described as a ‘teflon coating’ of positive emotionality. That is to say, couples who related to each other with warmth, affection and humour (positive emotionality) even during disagreements, somehow protected themselves from the potentially damaging impact of their poor problem solving and communication skills.

Without that emotional warmth, behaviours like the ‘silent treatment’, withdrawing, and failing to resolve arguments can be particularly destructive to relationships and increase the likelihood of relationship breakdown (Birditt et al., 2010). Other damaging behaviours include verbal and physical hostility and aggression, and reacting with scorn and contempt. Not only do these ways of dealing with conflict put the relationship at risk, as the research outlined in this publication demonstrates, they are also destructive for the children who witness them (Goeke-Morey et al., 2003). These contrasting types of conflict will be outlined in greater depth in Chapter 2.

Introducing child impacts

Interviews with, and surveys of, children show just how troubled they can be by an unhappy home (National Family and Parenting Institute, 2000; Smart et al., 2001; The Children’s Society, 2009). Take the findings of a recent survey of young people by The Children’s Society (2009): Young people who felt that their family got along well together had higher levels of wellbeing than children who felt their families did not. Whereas family structure (i.e. whether parents were married, separated, or cohabiting), explained just 2% of differences in children’s wellbeing; how well the family got on explained 20% of the difference between children who rated themselves happy with life compared to those who did not.

Children’s accounts are equally compelling and demonstrate how children are upset by parents’ rows, often feeling caught in the middle, compelled to intervene, and haunted by what they have seen, as in the case of this seven year old:

‘Everything I see and hear, it just goes inside my head, it’s just like a prison in my head, it just shows me pictures and it’s like a stereo going round and round, seeing all the things what they said when I was little…’ (from Dunn and Deater-Deckard, 2001)

Or as this 16 year old described:

‘When he married [stepmother], it made the whole arguments more heated really. I don’t talk to either of my parents about either of them because arguments start and a lot of it gets directed at me, even though it’s not really anything to do with me … they are still arguing with each other through me, which isn’t easy or nice.’ (from Dunn and Deater-Deckard, 2001)

What are the consequences of this distress? A large body of evidence demonstrates that, for some children, their distress in the face of parental conflict translates into long-term psychological difficulties, including emotional and behavioural problems, difficulties settling and performing at school, problems with peers and others, trouble sleeping and other health related outcomes (Rhoades, 2008; Cummings and Davies, 2010; Mannering et al., 2011). These outcomes for children will be presented in greater depth in Chapter 3, and the mechanisms on how inter-parental conflict affects children will be outlined in Chapter 4.

Introducing why outcomes from inter-parental conflict differ for children

Not all children react the same. Much of the research conducted since OnePlusOne’s first publication on couple conflict and children’s wellbeing ten years ago (Harold et al., 2001) has tried to explain why some children are more likely to experience negative outcomes than others when exposed to ‘risk’ factors such as parental conflict. To address this question researchers have adopted a ‘process-oriented’ perspective in order to identify the particular mechanisms, sometimes referred to as mediating and moderating factors, that underlie differences in how children respond to risk factors such as inter-parental conflict. A moderating factor is one that influences the strength of relationship between conflict and child outcomes, whilst a mediating factor is one that helps to explain the relationship between the exposure to conflict and child outcomes.

This type of understanding means that we are better able to explain not only what happens when children are exposed to conflict, but ‘why, when and how’ children respond in different ways to instances of inter-parental conflict. Identifying the mechanisms that explain why some children experience serious difficulties in the context of inter-parental conflict, while other children seem relatively unaffected (i.e. resilient), enables us to develop more effective support targeted at children and families most vulnerable and at risk. These differing reactions to conflict will be presented in Chapter 5.

This opening chapter has introduced readers to the forthcoming content, partly by outlining what will, and what will not, be detailed in greater depth. For this and subsequent chapters, a summary of key points serves to distill the main points:

To summarise

• Conflict between parents, rather than the event of parental separation or divorce, is a key factor in explaining why some children fare better than others when parental relationships breakdown.

• Conflict is particularly detrimental to children, whether parents are together or apart, when it is frequent, unresolved, intense, or about the child.

• Couples who continue to hold on to more positive ways of relati...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Foreword
• Preface
• 1. Conflict in context
• 2. Understanding different types of conflict
• 3. The impact of inter-parental conflict on children
• 4. How does inter-parental conflict affect children?
• 5. Risk and resilience: why are some children affected more than others?
• 6. Review of conflict-based interventions for couples
• 7. Implications for practice: How to help families
• 8. Conclusions and recommendations
• References