The Stress Solution

Using Empathy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to Reduce Anxiety and Develop Resilience

Arthur P. Ciaramicoli, EdD, PhD

• Publisher: New World Library
• Year: 2016
• ISBN:
  9781608684090
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Mental Health & Wellbeing

Therapeutic tools for fighting the anxiety, fear, and depression caused by stress "We work too much, sleep too little, love with half a heart, and wonder why we are unhappy and unhealthy, " writes clinical psychologist Arthur Ciaramicoli. In The Stress Solution, Ciaramicoli provides readers with simple, realistic, powerful techniques for using empathy and cognitive behavioral therapy to perceive situations accurately, correct distorted thinking, and trigger our own neurochemistry to produce calm, focused energy. He developed this approach over thirty-five years of working with clients struggling with depression, anxiety, and addictions. Over and over again, he has helped sufferers overcome old hurts and combat performance anxiety, fears, and excessive worry. Ciaramicoli's pioneering approach offers new promise to readers facing a variety of stress-based concerns.

CHAPTER 1

Why You Should Care about Stress

You cannot heal what you do not acknowledge, and what you do not consciously acknowledge will remain in control of you from within, festering and destroying you and those around you.

RICHARD ROHR, Breathing under Water

We often use the word stress casually, with little acknowledgment of its adverse effects. We even describe our stress in dismissive ways. For instance, a Fortune 500 executive may walk in the door after work looking distraught, and when her husband asks what is wrong, she may say, “Oh, I’m just stressed out with stuff at the office.” An accountant may tells his client, “Don’t worry; everyone’s a little stressed during tax season.” A single mom may sit by the side of the pool flipping through a magazine with an ad for an upcoming cruise that says, “Escape from the stresses of life.” If only it were that simple.

It’s not that we don’t acknowledge the prevalence of stress: we’ve been doing so for decades. The cover story of Time magazine for the week of June 6, 1983, proclaimed that stress was the “epidemic of the Eighties,” as Americans were “seeking cures for modern anxieties.” More than thirty years later, stress is still wreaking havoc. All demographics — adolescents, young professionals, middle-aged workers, and retirees — are at risk from this silent and cumulative killer.

In 1994, the Harvard Business Review cited evidence that 60 to 90 percent of doctors’ visits were tied to the effects of stress. Today, 66 percent of visits to primary care doctors are stress-related, and 50 percent of American workers say they stay awake at night troubled by physical or emotional effects of stress.¹

The physical repercussions of stress are indeed startling. These include:

• a decrease in immune system functionality

• heightened risk of heart disease and diabetes

• a spike in stress hormones that increase the risk of cancer

The potential to lose years of your life due to stress is very real.

In addition, occupational stress subjects you to cognitive symptoms of stress, including the following:

• repeated worrying

• weakened performance

• lack of judgment

• memory problems

Stress also plagues families and relationships by aggravating emotional symptoms such as excessive moodiness, irritability, and interpersonal conflict. These effects of stress influence how we relate to and how we are received by those close to us.

Deep down, you know that stress — perhaps even in a chronic form — has been crippling you. You know it because you feel it, and you are not alone. Two-thirds of adult Americans experiencing elevated stress levels report that their stress has escalated in the past year, according to a recent survey by the American Psychological Association.²

But unless you are among the only 17 percent of Americans who actually talk to their health care providers about stress, it’s likely that you try to ignore the problems that stress has the potential to unleash.

The most common areas of stress, according to the American Psychological Association’s yearly studies, are money, family, and relationships. In essence, if you struggle financially or have family and relationship difficulties, then you are among the many who are not mentally ill but are instead suffering from chronic stress.³

Psychologists have identified key variables that determine whether stress ultimately affects us positively or negatively:

• our perception of stress

• the meaning we attach to it

• our ability to cope with uncertainty and ambiguity

• the degree of control we have over the circumstances that produce stress

RONDA, A TYPICAL EXAMPLE

Ronda, a thirty-six-year-old mother of three, manages her art studio most weekdays and tries to get to the gym a few times a week, but she has been unable to do so with consistency. She worries about her overworked and highly stressed husband, Steve, who has not exercised in the last few years even though he knows the risks posed by his high blood pressure and high cholesterol levels. He is a committed father, but as a software sales representative for a large corporation, he travels frequently and is not available to help with the children as much as they both would like.

Ronda worries about her mother, who is in an unstable second marriage, and about her biological father, who remains unemployed and gets by doing odd jobs. She recently discovered that her father has occasionally been borrowing money from her husband. Steve’s dad died two years ago, and Steve, as an only son, also feels responsible for taking care of his mother’s needs and her home.

Ronda is very attractive, engaging, college-educated, and a former soccer player; you would assume on meeting her that she’s in great health and quite happy. And the truth is that when she can calm down and catch her breath, she truly is quite happy, and she loves her husband and children. Most of her days, however, are spent rushing around, trying to make appointments on time and fulfill the many responsibilities of her daily life. Studies have shown that women tend to have higher rates of stress than men, with the key worries being money and paying bills.

Steve is an affable person, easy to like, but his self-care habits have deteriorated significantly, so that he now experiences back pain and difficulty relaxing. He often says kiddingly, “Stress is my middle name.”

Ronda has recently begun suffering from tension headaches. Her memory has also failed her, which greatly increases her anxiety and lessens her confidence in her abilities: “I hope I’m not going senile, honestly — I have forgotten two appointments for the children in the last week, and my own dentist’s appointment, and I am so spacey, it is scaring me.”

THE COSTS OF STRESS

The story of Ronda and Steve is typical of many young couples today. They are not mentally ill, and they do not need psychiatric medication, but they are aware of problems with their bodies and minds and are at a loss to explain or remedy them.

Regardless of age, our fast-paced lifestyle emphasizes achievement at all costs. We have high expectations of ourselves, driven by media and social-media images of the perfect life. In addition, many Americans are isolated: most people now have fewer close friends than in previous years. These pressures affect our sense of self, increasing the degree of stress we feel. No one is immune. The effects of stress can be devastating to our entire being, regardless of age, gender, or occupation.

Knowing how stress affects the brain and body will help you understand how you can limit the stress response. Stress begins in the amygdala, the emotional center of the brain. If your amygdala perceives a threat, whether it is the sound of footsteps behind you on a deserted street at night or a friend making a humiliating comment about you in the presence of others, it springs into action immediately. The amygdala sends a signal to the hypothalamus, a section of the brain that regulates hormone output. The hypothalamus alerts the adrenal glands to release the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline. These stress hormones are released whether the threat is real or imagined. Training ourselves to distinguish between real and imaginary threats is a vital skill, and one that the use of empathy and CBT can help us develop.

Adrenaline raises your heart rate and blood pressure, and cortisol sends a surge of sugar to the blood to cope with physical demands. As this almost instantaneous reaction takes place, your immune system, digestion, sex drive, and other functions are put on hold. Memory, learning, and, most important, the ability to be empathic are compromised.

A survey conducted by researchers at Stanford University revealed disturbing results among ten- to fourteen-year-old girls, comparing those from households with stressed mothers to those raised in homes with little maternal stress. The participants from stressed homes showed premature cellular aging, equivalent to about six years of biological age.⁴ Stress also affects the immune system, leading to inflammation that can increase the proliferation of cancer cells. In one study of stress, one group of mice was subjected to stress by being isolated from others. All the mice were then injected with cells from human tumors. The researchers found that tumors were more likely to grow in the stressed mice. Among pregnant mice, those with increased stress h...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title
• Copyright
• Dedication
• Contents
• Introduction
• Cognitive Distortions Glossary
• Chapter 1: Why You Should Care about Stress
• Chapter 2: Expanding Our Humanity: The Discipline of Empathy
• Chapter 3: Empathic Listening: Loving Away Stress
• Chapter 4: The Soul’s Pharmacy: How to Produce Calming Neurochemicals
• Chapter 5: The Illusions We Create: Seeing More Clearly with CBT
• Chapter 6: CBT in Action: Combating the Distortions of Personalization and Blame
• Chapter 7: CBT in Action: Combating Negative Self-Talk and Ending the Cycle of Stress
• Chapter 8: CBT in Action: Combating Performance Addiction
• Chapter 9: Clear Eyes: Perceiving the Truth through Empathy, Not Prejudice
• Chapter 10: Emotional Learning: Hurts That Never Heal
• Chapter 11: Empathy, Self-Care, and Well-Being
• Chapter 12: “Give and You Shall Receive”: How Giving and Goodness Restore Calm
• Chapter 13: I Am Who I Am: How Authenticity Soothes the Soul
• Final Thoughts: The Power of Deep Connections
• Appendix: Assessment Tools
• Acknowledgments
• Notes
• Recommended Reading
• Index
• About the Author