Chapter 1
This book wrestles with an issue I am sure is familiar to every parent, teacher, and preacher across cultures, as well as to all children, teenagers, and students. As human beings, our basic intuition tells us there are both positive and negative forms of influence. However, it is those who primarily carry with them the negative experiences who are able to most accurately describe the difference between the two forms.
This became evident to me during my preparations for the interview survey I repeatedly return to in this book. I conducted a range of preliminary interviews, but I only spoke to young adults who had no significant experience with negative influencing during their school years. It was difficult for them to acknowledge their own privileged position, which made it hard for them to articulate the exact difference between positive and negative influence.
However, as I got to speak to informants who had experienced both sides, I got a much more nuanced description of the distinctive features that separate âinfluence in the positive wayâ from âinfluence in the negative way.â These informants provided me with the terminology I use in the models presented in this book.
So let me open this chapter with the words of two of my informants, whose names and circumstances will remain anonymous. Afterward, I will give the floor to two other individuals who carry equally valuable experiences.
Four individual experiences
Peter, who attended a Christian free school:
Bridget, who went to a Christian boarding school:
A fourteen-year-old girlâs voice message on the Childrenâs Telephone Helpline:
An eleven-year-old girlâs voice message on the Childrenâs Telephone Helpline:
To some extent, the psychology of influence is the same when dealing with children, teenagers, and adults. Naturally, the responsibility is greater in relation to small children, and as you get older your personal responsibility grows in terms of what forms of influence you allow.
A matter of form
There is an important difference between ânegative influenceâ and âbeing influenced in a negative manner.â The former is primarily a matter of content, while the latter is a matter of form or method.
Most people would probably agree if you teach your children to lie or stealâperhaps because you do it yourselfâit is an example of negative influence. But whether or not it is a negative influence to teach your children there is a God or the Republicans have the most reasonable policy cannot be determined objectively. It is a matter of conviction, faith, and assessment.
Influence in a negative manner often occurs in questions pertaining to conviction, faith, and assessment. For instance, it is usually less relevant to talk about influence in a positive or negative manner in areas such as math or geography.
Since we all have certain convictionsâeven if we are not aware of themâit is not the conviction itself that is problematic. It can be false or untrue, but that is a different issue. But the manner in which we are convinced and pass on that conviction can be more or less positive, appropriate, or legitimate. In short, it is a matter of form.
However, form and content are not two completely detached elements. If your conviction tends to be sharp and narrow, it becomes all the more important to be aware of influencing with respect. Therefore, this is especially a challenge among the minority. It might seem unfair, but minority communities simply have to accept this fact and take it into account when navigating within the sphere of influence.
The majority, however, finds itself in a different and perhaps even more serious dangerânamely the danger of not being aware of its own biased values. Often the majority is blind to the fact there is no evidence to support their value systems,...