The Trap

Kieran Lynn

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2017
• ISBN:
  9781786823113
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Economia
• Subtopic: Teoria economica

Tom and Clem are deep in debt. Alan, Tom's boss, owes big bucks. Meryl, Alan's manager, is mortgaged to the hilt. Their lives revolve around Debt Duck, payday loan company lending money to the desperate. When The Debt Duck's owner liquidates the company and retires to his luxury chalet, Tom, Clem, Alan and Meryl each decide to crack the safe, steal some cash and put an end to their financial woes. But will they break the cycle of debt? Or is this just another terrible trap? A biting new topical comedy about the perils of a capitalist world from one of the UK's top contemporary playwrights.

SCENE ONE

Midnight. The office/shop of Debt Duck, a payday loan company. The walls are covered with promotional material for the company that showcases its cartoon-ish brand mascot, the Debt Duck.

The sound of keys jangling is heard and the front door opens. A figure dressed in black runs into the room and leaps over one of the desks. A moment later, TOM enters, in ordinary clothes and clutching a large bunch of keys.

On the wall is an alarm panel. The alarm speaks in the typical computer voice.

ALARM: Door opened. Please enter your code now.

TOM enters a code.

ALARM: Code accepted. The alarm has been deactivated. Thank you

TOM turns into the room.

TOM: There are so many keys on here. Too many really. We should think about labeling them.

TOM turns into the room.

TOM: Clem? Clem, where are you?

He walks into room, but it’s dark and he trips over a chair.

TOM: Ow!

He stands up and turns the lights on.

CLEM: Turn off the lights!

TOM: Sorry.

TOM does.

CLEM: We’re knocking the joint off, Tom! You don’t turn on the big lights when you’re knocking a joint off.

TOM: I’m sorry. I’ve never done this before.

CLEM: I would have thought that was obvious.

TOM: I couldn’t see you. I’m sorry.

CLEM: Let’s just get on with it. So, Phase One is complete. Enter the building, undetected. Now, Phase Two.

CLEM takes a list out of her pocket.

TOM: You made a list?

CLEM: A plan, Tom. I made a plan.

TOM: Let me see.

TOM takes the list.

TOM: Phase One: Enter the building. Phase Two: Secure the scene. Phase Three: Crack the safe. Phase Four: Take the… loot. What are we Clem, pirates?

CLEM: I didn’t know what else to call it.

TOM: Phase Five: Cover our tracks.

CLEM: And Phase Six: The getaway.

TOM: Look at this, you’ve even subcategorized Phase Five: Cover our tracks. Close safe. Clean prints. Secure building.

CLEM: Listen Tom, when the shit hits the fan, who knows which way it’s going to fly?

TOM: What does that mean?

CLEM: It means that operations like this are very different when they actually happen. Adrenaline can easily take over a man, or woman, when he, or she, is involved in a high stakes op like this. I’m not about to let that happen, so I’ve made a plan. And talking about the plan was not in the plan, so let’s get back to business.

TOM: Okay.

CLEM: Good. Now, lock the door.

TOM moves to the door.

TOM: Why do we want to be locked in?

CLEM: Because then, if the police come to check out why the lights were turned on, they’ll find the door locked, nothing out of the ordinary and they’ll be on their way.

TOM: What makes you think the police are coming?

CLEM: The police aren’t coming.

TOM: You just said they were.

CLEM: Yes, but I was being hypothetical.

TOM: What if someone saw me turning the lights on?

CLEM: They didn’t.

TOM: How do you know?

CLEM: Well, obviously I don’t know for sure, but they were on for a very short amount of time. What are the chances that someone saw them?

TOM: I’d say very high.

CLEM: Almost non-existent. We’re just being extra cautious. Now, lock the door.

TOM: Okay.

TOM is trying to find the right key.

TOM: I never know which key it is!

CLEM: Tom, keep your voice down.

TOM: I’m sorry Clementine, I’m tense. I always raise my voice when I’m tense, you know that. Why did I turn the lights on? I think we should go.

CLEM: We’re not going until we get what we came for.

TOM: … I don’t know, Clem.

CLEM: You don’t know what?

TOM: I don’t know if I want to do this anymore.

CLEM: Tom, we’ve already been through this.

TOM: I know we have.

CLEM: We went through it at your house, we went through it again as we were leaving your house, we went through it walking here, we went through it outside the door and now we’re going through it again. This company has taken from us, and now we’re going to take something from them.

TOM: By stealing though?

CLEM: It’s only stealing if you get caught.

TOM: No, even if you don’t get caught, it’s still stealing.

CLEM: Tom, we’re doing this. The way this company has treated us, this is exactly what it deserves. In fact, it probably deserves worse, stealing this money, on the scale of things, is actually quite generous. Now, let’s get on with it.

TOM: I’m not sure, Clem. I’m having second thoughts.

CLEM: You’ve already had your second thoughts Tom, and your third thoughts, and fourth and fifth thoughts, pretty soon your thoughts are going to be in double figures. This really isn’t a very big deal. I mean, you must have stolen from work before?

TOM: …

CLEM: Have you?

TOM: Clem, is this really important?

CLEM: You have! What did you take?

TOM: … When it was my mother’s birthday and I bought her that statue, the one that you didn’t like.

CLEM: It was an ugly statue, Tom.

TOM: Well, I forgot...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half-title Page
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Characters
• Scene One
• By the same author