Instructions for Correct Assembly

Thomas Eccleshare

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2018
• ISBN:
  9781786824967
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Social Sciences
• Subtopic: Sociology
• Index: Social Sciences

Maybe turn down the opinionated dial? Hari and Max weren't satisfied with their first attempt at parenthood, so they're giving it a second go. Only this time they've got a 30-day money back guarantee and an easy-to-follow construction manual. They're certain, as long as they follow it step-by-step, he's going to be perfect. This might be a little more complicated than the bed but still, I'm sure its the kind of thing we can crack on our own. Instructions for Correct Assembly premiered at the Royal Court Theatre, London, in the Jerwood Theatre Downstairs on 7 April 2018, in a production directed by Hamish Pirie.

1

Kitchen

MAX Did you find what you were looking for?

HARI Yes I did. Lovely girl helped me in the shop. She pointed me in the right direction.

MAX Oh good.

HARI On the way out I noticed they had a special offer. A do it yourself type thing.

MAX You like those.

HARI Exactly. It’s not much of a commitment financially speaking and might be a bit of fun.

MAX Sounds good.

HARI I thought we could have a go at it together, you know like we did with the upstairs bed?

MAX Oh I enjoyed that.

HARI You had natural flat pack talent.

MAX You said I was the Susan Boyle of DIY.

HARI This might be a little more complicated than the bed but still, I’m sure it’s the kind of thing we can crack on our own.

MAX Is it in the hall then or

HARI No. It contains some special components or something so they send it out direct.

MAX Well I’ll look forward to that.

Garage

HARI and MAX stand surrounded by parts. A chaos of bits and pieces. HARI is looking at a page in an inch-thick book of instructions. MAX is trying to peek at it too. They read intently, very confused.

MAX Can I have a

HARI One second.

Silence.

MAX Just a quick look

HARI One second love stop breaking my concentration.

Silence. HARI peers at the book as if the distance he’s reading it from will make a difference. MAX opens her mouth to speak. Then closes it. Silence.

HARI holds the book out for her to take. She takes it. She turns to the first page.

MAX One: check you have all of the component parts. Two: take the laminate frame (left) and place it on its plastic neoprene base, upright. Twist two of the fiddly ones into the pre-drilled holes in the heel.

HARI These?

MAX Yes. Two. Attach the toe mouldings to the tops of the fiddly ones and screw.

HARI What do you mean the top?

MAX The top. I’m just trying to describe the drawing.

He does it. It looks good.

MAX Hey how about that.

HARI Well that’s the beauty of it. It’s all these separate parts. They come in bits. They’re scattered all over the floor. You’re looking at them and thinking okay this doesn’t make any sense how will this ever fit together and be our new bed or desk or whatnot and I wouldn’t have thought that that went there or in that order but then two hours later once it’s all come together you’re looking at it and thinking: wow.

Study

HARI is on the phone.

HARI Well I’m struggling to see why I pay for next day delivery if it’s not guaranteed. Yes that’s the whole reason I signed up for the prime service. Yes also for the ad-free access to the premium music library and the original video content. I’ve started season one but I didn’t get into it if I’m honest. Did you think? I thought it was a bit too complex for its own good actually. Yes sort of never bought into the concei – Look this is totally off the subject. I paid for something perfect. I don’t think it’s too much to ask to be delivered ...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Dedication
• Contents
• Characters
• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5
• 6
• By the same author