Happy Savages

Ryan Craig

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2012
• ISBN:
  9781849435680
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Letteratura
• Subtopic: Teatro britannico

"Nothing changes. Everything just gets worse. What's the point of that?" Two couples trample on friends and lovers as they search for happiness. In Fringe First and Peggy Ramsay award winner Ryan Craig's play, their dialogue crackles with desperation and raw humour. Happy Savages was performed at the Underbelly, at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in August 2008. "They burn like bush fire" - Sunday Times "The study of the agony and ecstasy of youth." - Guardian

Act I

PROLOGUE

Car.

Lights snap up to reveal BEN and LISA in a car. BEN in the driving seat.

Both are dressed in funereal black. BEN wears a black polo–necked jumper under his suit, LISA has a plaster over her forehead.

The engine has been switched off.

LISA: I knew.

BEN turns in surprise. LISA looks at him.

BEN: Right. Fuck.

LISA: You were right about the car being miles away. It was a real trek wasn’t it?

BEN: I’m so fucking sorry Lisa. Christ I can’t imagine how you could ever, ever... I mean there are some things that are unforgivable. Aren’t there? And what I did...what I did is...is...

LISA: Ben...

BEN: You must really fucking hate me. You must think I’m the scum of the earth. You must think I’m a fucking worm. An evil, sick, fucked up...you know...worm.

LISA: Pretty much. Yes.

BEN: Jesus I can’t believe that fucking bastard grassed me up.

LISA: Well...

BEN: I mean that vindictive fucking disloyal prick. I mean what a vicious tosser. Telling you that. Snitching on me like that.

LISA: That’s one way of looking at it, I suppose.

BEN: He always knew how to put the boot in.

LISA: Are you going to start the car?

BEN: He really wanted to murder me didn’t he? That cunt. Really wanted to assassinate me, finish me for good. In your eyes. He couldn’t bear the thought you might like me more than him. He couldn’t control himself...

LISA: But you did do it. I mean you did fucking do it didn’t you? So really you’re the disloyal prick. Really, I mean really. Aren’t you? You’re the cunt.

Pause.

BEN: Did you know it’s Valentine’s Day today?

LISA: How do you even know it was Joe who told me?

BEN: ...well...because the only other person who knew was...

BEN suddenly realises and looks at LISA with horror.

Oh Christ. Oh... Christ.

LISA looks away. An awful silence.

How can you even stand to be in the car with me?

LISA: See this is the thing I realised Ben. That in order to forgive you I’d have to stop loving you. That would be the cost.

Pause.

BEN: Right.

LISA: A lot has happened...

BEN: Yes, God yes.

LISA: So much...

BEN: I know it has, an unfathomable amount, but...

LISA: So if you’re telling me, if you’re confessing this heinous crime to me because you want forgiveness, then...

BEN: No I’d rather...

LISA: Because the truth is I don’t have any choice. I can’t forgive you because I can’t stop loving you. I’m stuck with it.

BEN: Like a rash.

Pause. LISA sighs. She’s heard his lame jokes many times before.

LISA: A little bit like a rash, yes.

Pause.

BEN: I can’t believe you knew.

LISA: You knew about me and Joe ages before I knew about you and...fuck. I bet you even knew before it happened. I bet you always knew it was going to happen. I bet you weren’t even surprised when you heard.

Pause.

BEN: What you said back...back there. Back at the cemetery. What you said. What you...asked me...what you said you wanted.

LISA: Yes?

BEN: Were you being serious?

LISA: Ben I...

BEN: Because, I agree. I mean... I...concur. With it. If you were being serious. In spite of everything that’s happened. I’ll...accept. However insane, however painful it might be. I’ll do it.

Pause.

There. My whole hand on the table. So tell me. Were you serious?

Pause.

LISA: Deadly.

Blackout.

Music.

SCENE I

Lights up.

The front room of LISA and BEN’s one-bedroom flat. There is a table and two chairs. On the table is a telephone and a magazine, as well as a notebook and pen. There is a stereo in the room with some tapes and CDs by the side. Stage left is the main entrance, leading from the hall, and stage right leads to the bedroom and kitchen. The room is bright, but sparse, as if they haven’t finished moving in yet. A wardrobe stands in the corner of the room, looking as if it hasn’t quite found its place in the flat.

BEN goes to the wardrobe. LISA applies her lipstick using a compact mirror. Finally BEN picks out a very bright tie which has a wildly complex pattern on it.

LISA: (Looking at him.) Oh dear.

BEN: What the tie?

LISA: Darling.

BEN: It’s wrong isn’t it?

LISA: Just change it.

BEN: Yes gov. (Goes to the wardrobe again.)

LISA: What would you do without me?

Pause. LISA flicks through a glossy magazine.

BEN: (Has a new tie and a big smile.) Well?

LISA: That’s better.

BEN: (...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• Half-title Page
• Copyright
• Characters
• Title Page
• Contents
• Act I
• Act II