[overcoat] Sheâll be Apples
after Julian of Norwich
She shall be apples
and she shall be apples
and she shall in all manner
of thing (and in her beseeching
and in her sleeping and in her
staying and in her going and in her
increasing and in her dwindling)
and in all manner of ways
be apples. Amen.
Vault
...the lesser light to rule the night
â Genesis 1:16
The periods of the Moon are regular,
tight as a bell but tempestuous.
She hurls saucepans, yells, tips cauldrons
of mercury down mountains. Moans.
Wonât answer the telephone. She remembers
being called the lesser light and curls her lip.
Her belly keens, her coolness
gone. Calculations flit.
She gets up earlier. Wakes in the day
hungry for the Sun. Lets loose her shawl
in rivers of silver all over the sea. Drops pearls
on backs of leaves bared to the sky.
Calls out at 1 a.m. No one answers. Hints
at self-destruction. Glints brilliant
but trembles, unsafe. Canât speak.
Sees a kid with peachy cheeks out late
playing with her brothers in the street.
Narrows witchy eyes and draws, draws.
The girlâs face ruddies as she looks
up: alert, stung.
Nuala, Nuala, Nightwatchmanâs Daughter
i. Nuancedâat firstâ
Nuala brutalised herself after seasons
in the cloister. The finer things belonged on the outside. Nothing
was as it seemed. Where she had envisaged a crucible of white-hot
smoking charity, there was cold marble, clipped vowels, and salad bowls.
There was, however, work to be done. Scales of all kinds
to be dealt withâof fish, a glut every day in the kitchen; of tonic sol-fa,
to lubricate psalms in the chapel; of holiness, to which St Benedict assigned
seven degrees. In her blood was the waking gene, and like her father,
she would glide along dim corridors at night, checking for lights
and fires; blurting a word of solace to herself or some straggler,
alert to the closeness of danger, and of Death coughing his guts up
in the pre-dawn, his body under the blazing Sanctuary light, volted with pain.
ii. Going to St Ives
And then there came seven tripping maidens
who skipped in at the novitiate door, giggling, for lessons.
Lessons were about being holy and they turned round eyes
on each other, gleeful, fizzing. Oh Sister, when I come to knock
on your door, donât turn away, youâll create sorrow swam in the air
and, with the deep blue sea safe outside, the devil presented
beakers of pure water, bubbling at the rim, delectable.
~
A lesson was three lilies, at differing stages of growth:
stargazers. One: strumpet, scarlet and proud-petalled,
chintzy, adazzle. We were bade have respect for the second, seedbearing
sister, folded in on herself, guarding her treasure. And even more
for the elder, shrunk into ridges, bleached, dirty, sapless,
with little to commend her. The lilies, that was.
But these things are parables.
iii. Want
Something rotten in the state when tramps are foraging
in our bins, and we finish each meal with an enrobed
chocolate. But there is work to be done: gardeningâ
only a postage-stamp but the devil in the soil
shooting up weeds like wily leviathans
almost to the height of the spire, unless theyâre stamped on.
Also: the moral immemorial weeds, which throttle
the good delphiniums and crocosmia of the soul.
And thereâs idle growth at Recreation, a pick-a-back,
a turn about the patio avoiding particular
friendships, an outdoor game of Scrabble,
never accusing the Prioress of cheating
by repurposing letters, or disallowing âscutâ, or âslutâ.
iv. WANT (7)
In the elegant minimalist chapel boasting a lump
of amethyst from Brazil, nuns of all persuasions
measure crumbs of Christmas cake; Danielâs
outer garments; want. And when the laity look in
(âlook in!â) they see our rainbow flesh enrobed
in black and white, glissando
over the ballroomy chapel floor, two by two,
as if entering the Ark. And over the tips of trees
outside the chapelâs high arched windows,
a patch of wet-printed blue, just enough
to make a sailor a pair of bell-bottomed trousers
and quicken a comradely desire to support another
with an oar, with awe, over choppy waters
to a ragged shore. Perfin. Perfin. Perfin.
girl
she broke her childhood over an iron spike;
hid it;
crouched,
waiting to be found out.
no one came.
Monicaâs Overcoat of Flesh
Am I still a mother if the girl I reared happened
to sicken and die, fast-tracking there as she did
everything else? There is no w...