Discernment Do's and Don'ts

A Practical Guide to Vocational Discernment

George Elliott

• Publisher: TAN Books
• Year: 2018
• ISBN:
  9781505110180
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Religion

Do you feel like God is calling you to... something, but you don't know what? Don't know where to start? Do you find it hard to clear away the noise of life, and apps, and phones and really listen to God?

You're not alone! But, happily, now there is a book to help you cut through the clutter so as to prayerfully discern God's will for your life... that life to which He calls you and for which He created you.

Discernment Do's and Don'ts, a practical guide to vocational discernment for Catholic teens and young adults, combines the teachings of the Scriptures, Church documents, the Church Fathers, and the saints-and a healthy dose of good old common sense-into one handy "How to" guide on finding God's will for you.

Discernment Do's and Don'ts is an invaluable guide offering a wealth of practical advice and resources including:

• Tips to help you hear God calling you by name
• Aids to identify obstacles in the discernment process and overcome them
• Stories of real teens and young adults finding (or not finding... yet) their vocations
• Scripture passages, teaching from the Church Fathers, and examples from the lives of the saints

Discernment Do's and Don'ts lays out a clear path and helps young people identify anything that may be interfering with the discernment process and suggests ways to overcome those obstacles. Though written for teens and young adults, every Catholic not yet settled in a definitive vocation and anyone who cares about such "seekers" (That's you, parents!) should read this book.

——CHAPTER 1——

YOU

Anne

Anne was a junior in high school and had fallen head over heels in love with Jake. He was handsome, funny, popular, and slightly mysterious. Anne was in a few classes with Jake and had a good time with him whenever they talked, but he didn’t seem interested in dating her. The difficulty as Anne saw it was that Jake was part of the skater crowd, and, while Anne was by no means a goody-goody, she was certainly not a skater. There was no way that Jake was going to date a girl outside of the skater clique. Without even noticing it herself, Anne slowly started wearing darker makeup and hanging out with the other girls in the skater crowd. She began to listen to different music and started to wonder if her parents would let her get a few more ear piercings. Her cadence of speech changed, and she laughed as she told me that one day while flipping through the channels, she decided to watch the X Games. She began even to change her personality. She would say and do things that she knew weren’t really “her,” but she was so consumed by the desire to get Jake’s attention that she would just forget about them—they weren’t sins after all—and count them as worth it if they got his attention.

After several weeks, she was added to a few of the skater crowd’s group chats, Jake started to send her messages, and some of the girls invited her to hang out. After becoming more and more part of the clique, Jake eventually invited her to go out with him, and they hit it off. The moment had arrived! Jake was finally hers!

Anne and Jake dated for several months, and while the euphoria of dating the guy that she had been interested in for months kept her distracted at first, she eventually began to wake up to what was going on inside her. She didn’t really like the other girls in the skater clique. The music she started listening to gave her a headache. She didn’t actually know how to skate (and she was too afraid to learn). So when they went to the park, all she did was stand around and watch. Jake’s jokes were really just the same ones that all of the other skater guys made. Anne had nothing in common with Jake. She realized that she didn’t really like Jake, and she didn’t really like the person she had become. She felt like she was always acting to impress people that she didn’t understand and that she didn’t really enjoy being around. By the end of the school year, Jake and Anne broke up and were both happier for it. Anne began to hang out with her old friends again, returned to her old self, graduated from high school the following year, left for college, and now, after graduating, is engaged to a guy whose attention she got without acting like someone other than herself!

Though we may not realize it, even such early dating experiences can and should be a part of the vocational discernment process. While Anne was in the earliest stages of vocational discernment with Jake, she made a mistake that many people do in this process. She failed to recognize three things: first, God created her the way she is; second, God has a plan for her; and, finally, acting unlike her true self was only going to skew the discernment process, even if she did not realize she was discerning anything at all while she was dating Jake.

What Do “You” Have to Do With Vocational Discernment?

God Made You, and He Doesn’t Make Mistakes

Johann von Goethe said, “If God had wanted me otherwise, he would have created me otherwise.” This could be taken as an arrogant statement, but it could also be considered a profound reflection. God did not make a mistake when he created you or any other person. If he had wanted you to be different, he would have created you differently. That means God wants you to be you with all of your personality traits, your strengths, your weaknesses, and your looks (or lack thereof!) to fulfill the plan that he has laid out for you, “for we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Eph 2:10). But be careful. This notion does not mean that you should just casually accept your character flaws without any effort to improve them or to acquire the opposing virtues.

This concept can be applied or understood in a variety of ways. First, it means that if you are not at least somewhat comfortable with who you are, you aren’t going to be able to discern God’s vocation for you. Our first calling, even before the call to holiness, is the call to be who and what God created us to be. If you are rejecting yourself as God created you, and there is “a certain calling into existence through creation,”¹⁹ then you are already rejecting your first vocation from God who is calling you to be you.

King David is an excellent example for us. He was not like his older brothers, tall and striking and strong, but the Lord chose David for the task at hand because “the LORD sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart” (1 Sm 16:7). If David had not been so small, Goliath would not have lowered his shield and laughed so that David could strike him with the rock from his sling. If David had not had years of practice with the harp while watching the sheep, he would not have been so favored by King Saul early on. If David had not lived in the wilderness for years, he would not have survived in the wilderness while fleeing from Saul. And yet who would have thought that being utterly unintimidating, knowing how to play the harp, and having wilderness survival skills would have been essential to become the great king of the Israelites? If Goliath had not lowered his shield to laugh at David, there no longer would have been a Kingdom of Israel. If David’s musical talent had not pleased King Saul, he never would have been permitted into the inner circle of the king. If he had not survived in the wilderness while King Saul was pursuing him, he would not have lived to see the day of his coronation. All of these “little” characteristics of David were indispensable for him to fulfill the will of God. David did not wish that he was like his brothers. He even rejected the sword and shield forced on him by the other Israelites before facing Goliath (see 1 Sm 17:39). He accepted himself as he was—as God made him—and God used him, with all of his characteristics, to fulfill his plan.

Another realization that emerges from the understanding that God created you the way you are is that your personality traits (which have to be distinguished from personality flaws!) will be good for your vocation: “For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected” (1 Tm 4:4). If you are extroverted, then God will use that in your vocation. If you are quiet, then God will use that in your vocation. If you are short, if you are tall, if you are reserved, if you are thoughtful, if you move quickly, if you reflect often, if you are smart (or the contrary) … whatever characteristics God gave you, he will use in the fulfillment of his plan for you. When we recognize this, and let it soak in, we almost naturally burst out with the Psalmist:

I praise you, for I am wondrously made.
Wonderful are your works!

You know me right well;
my frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,
intricately wrought in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes beheld my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them. (Ps 139:14–16)

God created you “wondrously” and formed your “days.” He created you well and has a plan for you specifically. That plan will carry you to true freedom, because in God’s plan you will be able to flourish while being yourself: “where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” There is no personality trait that has to be suppressed or forgotten to live your vocation. You will be able to be yourself and become a saint in the vocation that God has planned for you. In the words of St. Catherine of Siena, “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.”²⁰

God Has a Plan for You, and It’s Better Than Your Plan for You

How often have you reflected on the fact that God created a plan specifically for you? From the beginning of time he has intended you to exist and to receive his loving care. He chose to create you in this time, in this country, in this family, with these challenges, with these joys, because he sees that those circumstances will offer you the chance to live a joy-filled and fulfilling life and, most importantly, to become a great saint. He says to every one of us, “For I know the plans I have for you,…plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope,” (Jer 29:11) and, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father’s will. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows” (Mt 10:29–31). These two passages proclaim clearly that God has a plan for you. It is the best plan possible, and he has it worked out even in the details.

This means two things for every human: 1) God has a plan for your life, and it’s better than your plans. 2) It’s your job to say yes to God in the overarching plan and in each of the details.

In soccer, a principle of on-field communication is that you listen to the teammate with the best view of the field. That person is usually the goalkeeper. While it may seem instinctual to listen to the nearby teammate calling “pass!”, they may not see the opponent closing in behind them. The goalie standing all the way at the end of the field, who knows the strengths and weaknesses of each player, has the full view of the field and can give the best instructions to the rest of the team. God is like the cosmological goalkeeper in the soccer game of salvation. He knows the strengths and weaknesses of each player because he created every one of them, and he sees the entire playing field because he knows all things at all times. Even though we may think that a certain decision or plan for our life is the best, we may not see that obstacle or opportunity closing in behind us. God knows the “field,” and his plan is the best one possible.

God not only knows the best vocation for you but also has the best plan for you to arrive at that vocation. God created you and loves you. If God created you, then he knows what will make you happy. If God loves you, then he wants you to be happy. Therefore, doing what God wants you to do is the best and easiest way to be happy. God knows not only the end result that will make you happy but also the best way to get to that end result. This logic applies not only in your general vocation but also in each and every step that leads you to your vocation. It can be applied to every moment of your life and every decision you make.

Returning to the analogy of the soccer game, the player with the ball may know that his purpose (read “vocation”) is to shoot the ball at the goal, but from where he is standing, he only has a mediocre shot on the goal. The player with the full view of the field knows that it would be better to cross the ball rather than take a shot from that location, because the player across the field has a wide-open shot. Therefore, even in a little detail about how or when to make a shot on the goal, it is best to listen to the player with the better view of the field.

The same applies to vocational discernment. God’s call does not simply give us an end goal and leave us to deal with figuring out how to get there, “He leads [us] in paths of righteousness” (Ps 23:3). He knows the details of our lives and the circumstances surrounding us. He can foresee difficulties and pitfalls that we never would have been able to predict. He can also foresee joys and blessings that we never would have found had we not followed the path laid out by him. It requires great trust in God to allow him to lead you step by step, but it is well worth it. Sometimes he will take longer than you wanted; sometimes he will move faster than you wanted; sometimes he will take you down a path that you would prefer not to travel; but it will always be the best path and the one that will lead you to the greatest happiness, peace, and sanctity.

God Is Calling You

Do you remember the telephone game? The game that you would play as a little kid when one person would come up with a word or phrase and would whisper that word or phrase into one person’s ear, then that person would whisper it into another person’s ear, and so on until you got to the end of the group? The last person would then say out loud the word or phrase that they heard, and inevitably all of the kids giggle because the word or phrase said out loud sounded nothing like the word or phrase that the first person said. While the telephone game is a silly children’s game, it contains an important lesson: passing a message through other people is a terrible way to communicate. If the person for whom the message is intended can be reached directly, it’s best to just tell them directly. God understands the same thing. The telephone game doesn’t work. When God is calling someone to a particular vocation, he communicates that call to the person directly.

Problems often arise in a young person’s discernment process when they are pressured by another person to enter into a certain vocation: a mother may want her son to become a priest, a father may want his daughter to marry a certain man, a friend or group of friends may pressure a person to enter or not to enter a given religious community. While a mentor who knows you well can be a great guide in understanding God’s call, God’s call is not communicated by the pressures or preferences of other human beings. God is calling you, not them. If he wants you to do something, he’ll communicate that to you.

A great example of this is the calling of Samuel. God called directly to Samuel four times, “Samuel! Samuel!” (1 Sm 3:4; see also 1 Sm 3:6, 3:8, 3:10). But Samuel “did not yet know the LORD, and the word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him” (1 Sm 3:7), so he needed Eli’s guidance to understand the call that he was experiencing: “Go, lie down; and if he calls you, you shall say, ‘Speak, LORD, for your servant hears’” (1 Sm 3:9). And even though Samuel turned to Eli for guidance, God then communicated directly with Samuel: “And Samuel said, ‘Speak, for your servant hears.’ Then the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Behold, I am about to do a thing in Israel…’” (1 Sm 3:10–11).

God will communicate his will for you to you. As Pope St. John Paul II says, “The calling of man first finds it...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Halftitle Page
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Contents
• Foreword
• Preface
• Chapter 1: You
• Chapter 2: Holiness
• Chapter 3: Prayer
• Chapter 4: Time
• Chapter 5: Talk
• Chapter 6: Know
• Chapter 7: Act
• Conclusion
• Notes
• About the Author