My older son started asking for a smartphone in first grade. He seemed desperate and asked obsessively. By six, he was convinced he was the only kid in school without one. When I said no, he shifted gears and asked for a smart watch. He and his brother have grown up online and with digital devices in easy reach. Sometimes I think they feel as fondly about these devices as their beloved childhood stuffed animals, Fernando and Snuggles.
Early on, I had a failed attempt at laissez-faire parenting surrounding my kidsâ technology use. That changed when their older god-siblings spent a summer with us, and we suddenly catapulted from conversations about general âtech timeâ into complex conversations about online gaming and the safe use of social media. I was totally unprepared and sought counsel from Google and mom blogs. After deliberation, we said yes to just one game. Everything was fine until my godson started talking about his online friends. He and I spent several hours reviewing his âfriendsââ profiles and found that most were adults who openly referenced drug use and sex. Somehow, all of them had been able to create accounts in the kids-only portal.
As if I wasn't Luddite enough alreadyâand in a stroke of less-than-perfect parentingâI banned the game and hid the devices in places too high for the kids to reach. I justified my actions, pointing to the Silicon Valley parents who don't let their kids use iPads, sending them to tech-free schools and getting their nannies to leave cell phones at home.1 I told myself that going tech-free was the right move, because smartphones might cause cancer2 and too much social media might make my kids sad, sick, or lonely.3
That parenting moment may not have been my best, but I was worried and wanted to slow down the full immersion my kids haveâoften without meâinto an online worldâa world I don't always understand. It is a world of incredible access and opportunity, but also risk and exposure.
Digital Natives
Today's kids have a much different relationship with and need for technology than adults.
I was in middle school when my family got our first desktop computer. I have grown up with the release and rise of personal devicesâexperiencing the evolution from bulky desktops and âcar phones,â to more portable laptops and flip phones, and now to sleek and smart devices that are always with us.
Meanwhile, my kids were born into a world with technologies that were already smart, fast, thin, and available in a range of colors and sizes. They are digital natives. My older son, born in 2010, is three years younger than the iPhone, Twitter, Kindle, Airbnb, and Bitcoin.4 He knew how to get to his favorite smartphone app before he could walk or talk.
Here are some generational differences in common technology and tools between today's parents and their kids:
A COMPARISON OF CHILDHOOD TECHNOLOGY USE |
Todayâs Parents | Todayâs Kids |
Encyclopedia Britannica | Siri and Alexa |
Tetris | Minecraft and Roblox |
Cassette tapes and CDs | Spotify and YouTube |
Blockbuster | Netflix and Disney+ |
Department stores | Amazon |
Landlines | Smartphones and watches |
Folded notes | Snapchat and Instagram |
Dial-up internet | Broadband WiFi |
Disconnecting kids from devices can be as painful as separating them from a best friend. When my boys were little, we gave these meltdowns a name: the âTriple Tââa Technology Temper Tantrum. It generally involved a combination of shouting, crying, storming off, and sometimes lashing out with hands and feet. In our house, the Triple T was the worst when the boys had to suddenly power down a device, cutting them off from sudden short bursts of on-demand content. While the Triple T has changed over the years, I feel like it is still lurking in the background.
For adolescents, digital devices can be as important as a best friend, and as frequently used as a body part. My mom once asked a high school class what they would grab in a fire. Every single student said smartphone. Not one said family, pets, or photos. For today's kids, smartphones are a vital way to stay connected and plugged in.
Technology Dependence
This intense technology attachment has been studied by psychology professor Jean M. Twenge. She found that today's kids would rather be on their phone than with their families, and many confessed to liking digital devices more than people.5 Twenge has dubbed this generation the âiGen.â In her interviews, young people shared that they sleep with smartphones under pillows and wake up throughout the night to check for new notifications. Her surveys show that today's kids spend up to six hours a day on smart technologiesâtexting, on social media, online, and gaming.
My own conversations back that up. One mom told me about a niece who was having seizures brought on by the video games she was playing. Her parents were shocked by how hard it was for their daughter to give up those video gamesâeven knowing that it was compromising her health and well-being.
While this is different from our childhoods, it may be similar to our work lives. According to my phone analytics, as a remote worker I spend three to four hours a day on my phoneâsome combination of calls, texting, and checking social media and email. Combine that with the amount of time I spend on my computer and I'm suddenly on par with, if not even more plugged in than today's kids. Since COVID-19, that time online has only increased. I'm now more dependent than ever on Zoom and other video technologies as well as online productivity platforms. Unfortunately, we don't know enough about what counts as too much tech and its long-term effectsâespecially for those who have been doing it since they were toddlers. The science simply hasn't caught up.
Technology Disparities
Technology dependence took on a whole new meaning when schools shut down because of COVID-19. Suddenly, continuous learning had to do with having continuous access to a digital device and the internet. Unfortunately, many were without. In extreme cases, young people were completely cut off.
One teacher told me that he showed up to work one day and was told to put together printed packets for his students. Teachers were being sent home for the rest of the year. His school was notoriously low-tech and underresourced, so his students were left with very little support and schooling during the shutdown.
I also heard from a number of district and school staff about how those first few weeks were spent as a mad dash to get digital devices to students who didn't have them. Often, even that was not enough. Many of those students lacked a strong enough internet signal to plug in, join class, and submit work. This will continue to be an issue until internet is seen as a utility instead of a commodity. For now, a connection and the resulting continuity of learning is only available to those who can afford it.
There are early indicators that the learning loss associated with the COVID-19 pandemic will be far worse for those who lacked the basic and smart technologies so many families, including mine, take for granted. The digital divide illuminated by COVID-19, exists across race, class, and geographic lines. Learning is toughest for students with the fewest resources, which now includes anyone without a strong or reliable digital connection.
Hyperconnectivity
Can any good come from this need for hyperconnectivity? Between 2006 and 2009, a team of researchers led by Don Tapscott set out to better understand young millennials (the generation before iGen). Their findings are described in the book Grown Up Digital: How the Net Generation Is Changing Your World. Tapscott's team found that when young people have ample access to technology, they seem to be more collaborative and able to get things done faster. Digital natives seem to be more informed on world affairs and current events than previous generations. Tapscott hoped that might contribute to an increased appreciation for diversity and more altruistic attitudes.
On the other hand, devices can also lead young p...